Devoted To Sex

As I watch the curly haired boys eyes widen, I couldn't help but grow nervous with every page he turns. All my life long secrets, some my parents didn't even know about. I groan silently and keep my head down, looking at my hands on my lap.
Minutes go by of him flipping through the pages, his eyes growing wider and wider with every page flip. It felt like hours before I see him set the small leather journal on his lap. I can feel his sad green eyes on me but I keep my head down, ashamed.
"Zoe...I." He sighs and moves to the edge of the bed, reaching his hand out and tugging my head up by my chin. I feel tears form in my eyes and I shake my head looking into his tear filled eyes. "How come you haven't told me any of this?" He asks holding the book up so I can see it.
"I haven't told anyone, Harry." I tell him and shut my eyes, wishing that I hadn't even showed him. How was I even supposed to tell him any of the secrets within the pages of the journal.
"I-I couldn't even read anymore of it." He says and I frown, letting a soft sob out, tears streaming down my face. I pull away from him and cover my face with my hands, not wanting to let him see me cry. I've seen him cry time and time again but I was not going to allow him to see me cry. I didn't want him to see how weak I am.
"I didn't want you to know. It was in the past..." I say, feeling him pull my hands away from my face. "It was something that happened and I wasn't proud of it." I tell him as I look into his green eyes. He shakes his head and pulls me out of the chair, into a tight hug.
I hold onto him, burying my head in his chest. He runs his fingers through my hair and kisses the top of my head. "It's alright, sweetie." He says to me softly. I nod and wrap my arms around him.
He holds me tightly and sits, slowly allowing me to have a seat in his lap. I bury my head in the crook of his neck and sniffle, wiping my nose and eyes with my sleeves. Harry rubs my arm up and down slowly, taking a deep breath before he exhales deeply.
"Zoe. I have to tell you something." He tells me softly and I look at him, wiping the tears from his cheek. "It's not easy to tell you."
"Yeah?" I say softly and take a few deep breaths, running my fingers in his hair. "What is it. It's not bad is it?"
"It's not bad it's just really hard to tell you." He tells me, cupping my cheeks. Oh man this can't be good. The look in his eyes says that it was something I wouldn't be too happy about. "Well, I um...I. In a few months I am going to be auditioning for XFactor." He says trying to smiling.
"Oh..." I say softly and look down. Smile, Zoe. Show your excited. I look back up at him and smile. "That's. Really great." I say softly, pretending to be happy for him. The truth is I didn't even want him to go. One month? What the fuck?
Was I supposed to be happy for him. I mean yeah, I know he's my best friend and all but I don't want him to go.
"I know this isn't really the most great time to tell you but. I figured I would tell you now." I nod and push my hair back, sighing. "If you don't want me to go I'll stay."
I shake my head and lean into him more. "No." I say to him and smile bigger. He smiles back and let's out a breath he was holding.
"Okay, good." He says to me, looking into my eyes. I feel something in the pit of my stomach and find myself leaning closer into him until our lips connect. My eyes close slowly as I move my lips against his soft ones. I smile slightly against his lips, feeling him kissing me back.
He has the sweetest, softest lips that I have ever felt. I never wanted this kiss to end. It was so magical.
-
Today was the day that Harry would be leaving me to go audition for the XFactor. He slept over my house last night and we hung out this morning a little. We didn't really have as much fun as we usually do because we both knew that he would be gone later today.
I sigh softly, leaning back into him. I am sitting in between his legs on my small porch. We just gotten finished playing a quick game of soccer and were waiting for his mother to pick him up. I look up at him as he focuses on texting on his phone. He looks back down at me and smiles, pushing a stray strand of blonde hair behind my ear.
"Who ya textin'?" I ask him and he puts his phone on his lap.
"Tilly." He says and I immediately roll my eyes. Tilly was his ex girlfriend. She was a real bitch to him. She cheated on him three times with one of his friends and then twice with her cousin...which is pretty disgusting if you ask me.
"Ew, why are texting her?" I ask him and sigh, stuffing my hands in my pockets. I used to be jealous of her because she had him. She didn't treat him right but she had him and it made me angry. Someone that did not deserve such a great guy had him. It upset me the whole time they were together. He would always complain to me about how she really only used him for sex and money.
"Because, she wants to see me today before I leave." He says and I don't say anything else to him. That little cunt was not coming over here to say goodbye.
"But, you're hanging out with me." I say softly looking up at him with soft, sad eyes. He nods and leans down kissing the corner of my mouth, something he always did ever since we first kissed. I loved it.
"Yeah. I told her that and she has an attitude now but she will get over it." I nod and grin at him. "I know you two aren't too fond of each other either." He says softly ignoring his phone as it buzzes in his lap. Yes,
I cannot stand the bitch. His phone buzzes again and both of us groan. If this girl doesn't leave him alone... A frown quickly forms on his lips and I frown too.
"What is it?" I ask in a whisper, pouting. I don't like my Harry upset.
"My mums on her way...she'll be here in five minutes." He says to me and I frown more, nodding. No, Harry stay. Please stay with me. I kept screaming in my head but I don't bring myself to say all these selfish thoughts that were in my head.
"Darling if you don't want me to go then I ca-" He starts but I put my hand over his mouth shushing him.
"No, you go and you rock it." I say smiling brightly at him though all of me wanted to fall apart. "I want to see you're name all over magazines. Got that?" I giggle and he laughs softly nodding.
"Zoey." He says after a few minutes of silence has gone by and I raise my eyebrows. "Can you do something for me before I leave?" He asks me and I nod, smiling.
"Anything for you." I tell him, looking into his beautiful eyes.
"Can you er k-kiss me?" He breathes out, closing his eyes, nervous to know what my answer would be. I don't even give him an answer to his stupid question. Of course I would kiss him.
I lean up and tilt my head back a little more making my lips attach to his just like the first time. My eyes close and I feel his hands holding my head in place as he kisses me slowly. After a moment he pulls away and I flutter my eyes open, seeing his mums car in view.
I look at his sad face and blink a few times not wanting the tears to spill from my eyes. I couldn't stop it and the tears slide down my cheek. Harry looks down at me and wipes them away.
"I'll be back soon." He tells me and I nod. "Don't cry. I'll be back soon." He repeats, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug from behind. If only that were true.

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