Trapped

Weeks had passed since I moved back in with Declan. I felt weird staying here. It became very apparent to me that this place no longer felt like home. I was living in Declan's apartment, not ours, his. Memories of sadness, betrayal and anger seeped into the floorboards and scattered the walls. The apartment still looked like it did that one day when I came to get that god forsaken cardboard box; which is conveniently still at Zayn's. Speaking of Zayn, I haven't talked to him since that night I agreed to move back with Declan. I've been ignoring him. As indifferent as I felt about it, Declan is back in my life. Zayn was just a huge mistake anyway.

"Tonight was great." I lied. The two of us had went on a date out to dinner. I had lost count on how many awkward silences and uncomfortable remarks were shared between us. We began walking back up the stairs to his apartment. I couldn't help but look and hope that Zayn was there when we passed his floor.

"All that matters is that you had a great time." Declan kissed my cheek before opening his door. It was still pretty early seeing as I had to work tonight. Not wanting to spend too much time in the apartment, I quickly got changed, reapplied my make up and headed out. This was the third time this week where I had left forty-five minutes earlier than I had to, but I was strangely okay with this.

Walking down the stairs, my steps grew slower as I approached Zayn's floor once again. I wanted to go see him and even though weeks late, apologize for never showing up that night. What if he was mad at me? I mean, I would be mad at someone too if they ignored me for weeks. Was he even home? Before I could realize what I was doing, here I was - standing right in front of his door. Like always, I knocked twice and waited for him to open the door. What the fuck was I doing? I knew I shouldn't be here, but something told me to stay. My thoughts were soon interrupted by the sound of a turning doorknob.

"Kayla? What are you doing here?" His voice was mixed with anger and confusion.

"I..I came to apologize..." I began shifting my weight back and forth. "..for you know- when I didn't show up that night a few weeks ago." I was now looking down at the floor. "And for ignoring your texts and calls. Things have been..well..um..confusing for the past few weeks. I just needed some time alone I guess."

"Was it because I kissed you because if it was-" The kiss. Holy shit, I had completely forgotten about the kiss and the tingles it sent down my spine. The electricity Zayn made me feel with one single peck, so unsuspecting but so predictable at the same time. I quickly shut these thoughts out.

"No, Zayn. Of course not. Although super cliche; it was me, not you." The both of us let out a little laugh.

"Well would you like to come in?" Zayn smiled at me. "I mean, I totally get it if you just wanna head separate ways. I appreciated the apology regardless." I checked my watch and I was still a little over half an hour ahead of schedule.

While sitting on Zayn's couch, all I could think about was how I should tell Zayn I was back with Declan - literally living floors above him and ignoring him all this time. I mean, would he even care? It's not like he liked me or wanted to date me. Fuck me. I shouldn't be assuming shit anyway but what if? Ugh.

"Watcha thinkin' about?" Zayn said. I guess my thoughts overtook my expression - thank god Zayn couldn't read minds.

"Nothing, really nothing." I said nervously. "..actually." Zayn looked up, locking his eyes with mine. "I moved back in with Declan." Bam - an elephant in the room had appeared.

"Why? I thought you were done with him?"

"Well you know that expression...if you love them let them go and if they come back it was meant to be. Something like that. But I let Declan go and he came back. Well..it felt right at the time." The more I said, the more I realized how miserable I was with Declan.

"If I heard your story correctly - Declan kicked you out of his apartment. He treated you like shit. He cheated on you, remember that. I can't help but think that he let you go." Zayn's words stung like bees, leaving me speechless. Moving back in with Declan, I had put all of those thing in the back of my mind. Disregarding out past, I actually thought Declan and I could just continue our relationship as if nothing was wrong. I knew he was fucking right, but I refuse to admit to myself that I made the wrong choice.

"I have to get to work." I got up, grabbed my bags and headed towards the door.

"Kayla, stop. If you keep avoiding your problems, things are only going to get worse. I know you don't want to be with Declan, just admit that to yourself. I'm not saying you shouldn't have moved back in with him but maybe you should've put more thought into it. I can help you. I hate to see you like this." I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I pushed past Zayn and left before he could say anything else.

Ever since I agreed to move back in with Declan, I realized it was the opposite of what I wanted to do - I've just been living in temporary denial. I've known deep deep down inside- it just took Zayn to say something for me to actually believe it. I thought things would change, I really did. Something in me hoped our relationship would be stronger than ever - but boy was I wrong. I desperately wanted to get out of this toxic relationship with Declan but I didn't fucking know how. One again, I felt helpless. I couldn't just barge in and tell Declan I was moving out. Where would I go? Chrissy warned that if I left I would never be welcomed back and she was the only one who I could think of. Confused and slightly agitated, I headed off to work.

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