All I Ever Wanted

I sat there, staring at Emma. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t find the words to say. I wanted to be so excited and jump and scream that I was going to be an aunt to this precious baby, but I couldn’t. Not when Emma and Niall had both seemed so upset. How could they be upset when a baby was on the way? There was only one explanation: there was more to the story that just the fact that Emma was pregnant. I pulled myself out of my thoughts and back down to reality.

“Emma, what? How far along are you?”

“Five weeks.” She put her head in her hands and I could hear her sobbing again. “I’ve known for two weeks because I had to get blood work done to leave the country.”

“Em, that’s amazing!” I didn’t know what to say, and I wanted to uplift the mood.

For Pete’s sake, it’s a BABY! How is that not exciting?

She didn’t move.

“Emma, what’s wrong?” She mumbled something. “Emma, look at me.” I tugged on her sleeve. She looked up at me with red, puffy eyes.

“I can’t finish school, Niall doesn’t even want me, or it anymore. I see it in his eyes, Leah. But it’s all my fault. I’m the screw up. I’m the reason we started arguing over Christmas.”

I did the math in my head. Christmas was around a month ago. They’d been arguing for a month. I shuddered. Apparently December was a rough month for me and Emma both. My mind flashed back to how I spent the days between work, Ryan, and Mississippi, trying to find a little ray of happiness. I brought myself back to now, the good times, and continued to question her.

“Emma, hush, you don’t know that. I heard rumors that you’ve been arguing because you won’t come on the road with him full time. Is that it?”

I was very confused. I may have not have spoken to her since early November, but how could their relationship have gone to shit in just over a month, and just over the fact that she wasn’t ready to quit school for him?

“That’s just what we’ve been telling everyone.” She sobbed. “This baby, it-it may not be Niall’s.”

Tears poured down her face and my stomach twisted into one giant knot.

“It was over Christmas break – with my new college friends I’d been hanging out with since you left. The night before we all were leaving to visit our families, one of them threw a party. I went and got completely shit-faced. I drunk-dialed Niall and he tried to fly out to come and get me, but he was in Ireland with his family and I was supposed to be with mine so I talked him out of it, and then drank more. I was only drinking because I missed him so much. It’s hard to love someone who’s a million fucking miles away from you. I know it’s not an excuse for my bad habit, but not having you or Niall around sucked and the only way I coped with it was by drinking.”

She stopped to wipe the mascara from her eyes. I tried to breathe; worried that whatever she was going to say might make me even sicker than I already felt.

“Anyways, I was at the party and the last thing I remember after talking to Niall was a competitive game of flip cup. I woke up the next morning naked and lying next to some guy I’d never even –.” She stopped due to her heavy crying, but picked right back up. “I was lying naked next to some guy I’d never seen before. And Leah, you know I’m not on the pill because it made me gain so much weight. Only God knows if he used a condom. I just got up and put my clothes on and left. I haven’t seen the guy since. Don’t even know his name.” I rubbed her back, unsure of what to say. “I haven’t drank since, Le, and I’m never drinking again. Niall is beyond pissed at me. The only reason I’m still here is because of the small chance that the baby might be his. He’d visited me a few days before, so there is some hope that this baby’s his. Leah, I love Niall with everything in me. He’s perfect. I wouldn’t screw this up on purpose! Please, you know I’m not a whore. I’ve never had drunk sex before. It figures the one time I do, I’m in love with someone else.”

She sprawled out on the bathroom floor and cried, harder than she had all day.

I took a minute to let it all sink in, then spoke the only true words I could give her.

“I’m here for you Emma. If Niall won’t help you raise this baby, I will. I love you and I’m sorry for all the shit that’s happened these past few months. But this baby is not shit, Emma. She’s precious and I for one can’t wait to meet her.”

Emma lifted her head up off the floor and looked at me.

“I’m sorry too, Leah. I should have never turned on you. You’re my best friend and you always have been. I don’t ever want to mess that up again.” She sniffed. “Thank you for this.”

“You mean the wet washcloth?” I joked, as she wiped her face again. She let out a tiny laugh.

“No, for being here for me and the baby.” Her facial expression lit up. “You called it a ‘she?’”

I nodded. “Yeah, it’s a girl. I just know.”

I didn’t really know, but I hoped so. I wanted to buy pink and bows and Barbie dolls. I helped Emma up off of the floor and into the bedroom so she could change into clean clothes.

“Thanks again, Leah. I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you in my life.” I saw a small smile find its way onto her face as I left the room.

---------

(Harry’s POV)

“Niall, where’s Emma?” I asked him while we kicked the football back and forth.

“In the room. She’s not feeling well, or something.” I could see him furrow his brow behind his sunglasses.

“None of my business, but are you two okay?” I hoped he wouldn’t mind me asking. We were out of earshot from everyone else so I was hoping he might open up to me.

“Yep.” He popped the ‘p’ and I knew that was his way of telling me to leave him alone.

I dropped the subject. We kicked around for a little while longer. I decided I needed a drink so we both went over to the cooler. I pulled out a beer and checked my phone.

Hmm it’s half one. Leah should be awake and out here by now. I should probably go check on her.

I let everyone know where I was going and Niall decided to go with me to check on Emma. We went up the elevator and headed down the hallway. Niall kept quiet, which was odd. He was never quiet. We went through the door and Leah was in the kitchen, making sandwiches for everyone.

“Hello, love!” I kissed her forehead. Niall hurried up the stairs without a word. Leah pulled me close so she could whisper.

“Harry, they’re in bad shape!” Her eyes widened.

“How bad?” We were interrupted by arguing coming from upstairs. Leah looked as if she was going to cry. I brushed my fingers up and down her arm to comfort her. “Here, let’s finish these sandwiches.” I took a knife and began to help her spread condiments on the bread.

“Well why don’t you just leave? It’s not like you actually care about anyone here!” Niall yelled as he made his way down the stairs and out the front door, slamming it behind him. We heard crying coming from upstairs.

“Harry, I don’t know what to do. Emma’s in a mess.” Leah spoke quietly and I knew she was about to lose it. I grabbed her hand and pulled her into my chest, hugging her.

“Baby, shhh. I know. But in all reality, we can’t do anything. They have to work this out themselves.” I tried to comfort her. She pulled back and looked into my eyes.

“Harry, you don’t understand. It’s not just for their sake. Someone else is counting on them now, too.”

She buried her head back into my chest, crying. I tried to process what she’d just said.

Surely that’s not what she meant. But what else could it be?

I pulled away from her and searched her eyes for an answer.

“Leah, you mean…” I couldn’t say it. I was too excited, yet too worried. Leah nodded.

“She’s pregnant.”

------------

Leah and Emma were upstairs helping Emma pack. She was going home to stay with her parents for a bit. Even though no one wanted her to go, it would be best for her and Niall to take a break. Plus, her parents wanted her home so they could be sure she and the baby received proper care. Leah was having a hard time with it. Just the look on her face told me she was screaming on the inside. She still hadn’t been able to tell me everything and I could see that it was killing her. Venting about things was her way of coping, and right now, she couldn’t cope. Whatever else there was to know, Leah didn’t want to know it.

Niall had been gone for quite some time. I flipped through the tv channels, wondering where he was. I’d taken lunch out to the beach for the rest of the gang while Leah helped Emma figure things out. Emma didn’t want anyone to know, so I’d kept her secret from everyone else and just said that both girls must’ve ate something bad because they weren’t feeling too well. It worked and no one had bothered them.

“Harry!” I heard Leah call out my name.

I rose from my seat and followed her voice up the stairs. I helped her get Emma’s luggage to the car I’d arranged for her. Emma asked us to tell everyone else she was sorry, but that something with school came up and she had to leave. When Leah and I made it back inside our room it was half six and we were both exhausted. We trudged up the stairs and both flopped onto the bed. I nestled my face into her neck, breathing her in. Her smell was intoxicating and I knew I never wanted her to leave.

“Le, when we have kids, I want us to be married first.” I propped my head on my hand to look at her.

“Why?” She asked.

“I just want us to have everything sorted out – to be prepared. I want us to give Edward and Darcy and all the others the best we can give them.” I grinned. “I guess since my parents were separated, the thought of that being the same for my children terrifies me. I want them to have both parents 24/7. Both of mine were always there for me, but I want to show our kids what love is supposed to be. I want them to look at us and see an example of true love.” I kissed her tenderly.

“Edward and Darcy, huh?” She raised an eyebrow.

I let out a laugh, but she stopped me with a kiss.

“That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard, Harry Styles. Edward and Darcy and all of the others will still look at us fifty years from now and see a love burning brighter than ever - that I’m sure of. I don’t know how I could ever not love you like crazy. You mean so much to me. Our kids will have us together because I never want to be apart from you ever again. How could I? You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

Our lips crashed together and a passion that was so strong took over. I wanted to love away whatever was bothering her – to show her that no matter what life throws at us, she’ll be all I ever need, and I’d always be there to love her through it.

Notes