All I Ever Wanted

(Harry’s POV)

Sunlight shone through the tall windows of my home. I cursed it as it jolted me from my sleep. I felt horrible – as if I’d literally been run over by a bus. I picked myself up off of my living room floor. I couldn’t remember much from last night after Leah had said goodbye. I remembered looking at the kitchen clock as I stumbled into my house - the clock had read 4:30am. After she’d left, I went back into the bar and drank so much I should have drowned in my own stupidity. But something had to erase it. Alcohol was the only thing that I thought could take the image out of my mind – the image of her turning back to look at me while the cab was taking her away from me – the image of her tear stained cheeks – the look of heartbreak, horror, and guilt that covered her pretty face - the image of my everything driving away, leaving me with nothing. But the scene was still replaying over and over in my mind. I looked at the kitchen clock to see how long I’d been passed out in my living room floor. It was 2:17 in the afternoon, which meant Leah was well on her way back to the US by now. I decided I had to do something to get rid of the headache so I took some painkillers, made a cup of coffee and sat at the table, trying to pull myself together enough to be able to shower when I noticed a slip of paper on the table.

I gathered everything that was mine. If I left anything, just give it to charity or something. Sorry for the trouble I caused. –Leah

“Ugh!” I moaned. I couldn’t understand how she could do this. She was so stubborn. No “take care” or “I really do care about you” or shit. Just a generic note – as if we barely knew one another. I tried to push it out of my mind and I went upstairs to look for my keys, wallet, and phone. Sure enough, they were lying on my bed. I picked up my phone to just see if she’d changed her mind. Nothing, except for a text from Perrie asking about Leah and a missed call from Louis. I decided to see who I’d talked to last night so that maybe I could figure out what exactly happened.

Fuck.

I counted my outgoing calls. I’d called Leah a total of 72 times. I checked my texts – 37 sent to Leah – more than half of them didn’t make any sense, proving how wasted I’d been. I’d not tried to contact anyone else last night so who knows what even happened. I turned on the shower and stepped in, hoping the warm water would soothe my broken soul.

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(Leah’s POV)

One week had passed since I’d left Harry and London, and all the things that went along with the two. I was back home in Mississippi with my family. I’d been locked in my room the whole week. Harry had blown up my phone the whole night after I’d left, but I hadn’t heard anything from him since. I’d spoken to Eleanor a few times and she said he’d backed out of the shows and wouldn’t return anyone’s calls. She said Danielle, Liam, Niall, and Emma had come back around as if nothing had ever happened. According to Eleanor none of them had even asked about Harry or me.

My mom tried to comfort me, but she was completely pissed off. She scolded me for giving up on someone who’d meant so much to me – not just Harry, but Emma, too. She’d said she’d raised me better than to just walk away from my problems. Deep down, I knew my mom was right. Leaving Harry was the worst thing I could have done. I needed him, but I was too stubborn to admit that I needed anyone. Instead, I curled up in my room, stuffing my face with donuts, and crying myself to sleep. And you know when donuts don’t help, it’s bad. I couldn’t find one positive thing about my situation.

Spencer was furious. I’d apparently almost lost my contract with Amtrex because I left without a notice. I’d also left before the London leg was even over. We had a meeting in LA next week to discuss my behavior but I honestly could care less. I’d lost everything I loved recently so I half expected my career to go down the tubes, too. All I wanted to do was go back in time, but since I couldn’t do that, I laid in bed.

I flipped through the channels on my TV when my phone rang. I’d changed the ringtone to a generic ring and I still wasn’t used to it. I jumped every time I’d received a call. It was Eleanor.

“Hello.” I mumbled.

“Hey love.” She comforted. “How are ya?”

“El, I’m in bed for the seventh day in a row. How do you think I am?” I sighed, readjusting myself so that I was propped up on my pillows.

“Well, I have some news.” She spoke as if she didn’t know if she should tell me or not.

“Okay. Well, tell me.”

“Louis called me and said Harry came to the arena today. It’s their last London show, you know.” She paused.

“Okay, El, keep going.” I encouraged.

“Louis said Harry was different. He didn’t smile, laugh, crack a joke, or anything. He barely spoke. Louis asked him if he was okay and he said he’d never been better. On stage, he put on a front for the fans. But as soon as the show was over, he was back to quiet, cold Harry. Maybe… Maybe you should call him Leah. We’re all worried about the both of you.”

“I don’t know.” I fidgeted with the bag of donuts in my lap.

“Well, whatever you decide, you know I’m here for you and I’ve got your back.” Eleanor said.

“Thanks, Eleanor – for everything.” I smiled for the first time in a week, glad I had someone who was on my side.

“Anytime, dear. I’ll be speaking to you soon!”

With that, our conversation was over and I squished a pillow into my face and screamed. I absolutely hated the way my life was going.

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(Harry’s POV)

I climbed out of the car and went inside the café. I couldn’t chase her anymore. I loved her with every fiber of my being, but she wouldn’t let me. I’d tried to convince her, and I was honestly tired. My thoughts rambled on as I took a seat and ordered. The waitress wore thick eye liner and red lipstick. She was pretty, but she was trying way too hard to impress me – one of the downfalls of being in a famous band.

“Is there anything else I can get for you, Mr. Styles?”

She batted her eyelashes as I smiled and declined. I picked away at my meal, struggling to keep Leah off of my mind. I finished and paid the bill. The waitress, whose name turned out to be Caroline, brought me my receipt and wrote her number on it while biting her lip. I took the receipt and left.

Three days later, two weeks after Leah left, I’d decided to go out with Grimmy. It was my last night in London for a while, seeing as we left for the European tour in the morning. I wanted to have fun and I knew Grimmy would be sure I kept my mind off of Leah. We went out to several different clubs. I drank my weight in alcohol again. We stumbled into the Funky Buddha a little after 1:30 am. I went to the bar for a drink when I saw her. She was so much prettier than I’d remembered. I ran my fingers through my messy hair and walked up to her.

“Caroine, hi!” I stuttered.

“Harry? Oh my God, dance with me!” She grabbed my hand and pulled me behind her. I gripped her waist and let our bodies sloppily move against one another. I could tell she was drunk, too.

I awoke in my bed. I immediately saw a pair of panties on the floor.

What the hell did I do? Leah. Oh shit, Leah. What would she say? No. No. She doesn’t matter anymore. Pull it together, Styles!

“Good morning, my sleepy boy!”

I looked up to find Caroline carrying a plate of breakfast. She was in one of my flannel shirts, just like Leah always was. It made me sick to my stomach. She set the food down on the bedside table. As I sat up, she crawled onto the bed.

“I am so excited, Haz! Europe is beautiful and I am so glad you invited me to go with you! We’re going to have so much fun!” She kissed me on the lips.

Go to Europe? With me? Oh hell. I must’ve invited her last night and she must’ve not have been as drunk as me. How am I supposed to fix this?

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, we are.” I managed to stutter. “Can you excuse me for a minute?” I mumbled, heading for the bathroom.

“Sure, I’ll just go clean up the kitchen from where I made you breakfast!” She chirped as she headed out of the room.

I locked the bathroom door and turned on the shower. I grabbed my phone and called Louis. He’d know what to do.

“Louis! Hey, I need your help! I accidentally invited this girl to Europe with me for the tour. She’s hot but I don’t know what to do. It was a drunken mistake. Please help me.” I begged.

“Harry, slow down! You sound like you’ve lost your mind! You've invited a random girl on tour with us? Harry, you're a dumbass! Look, I can’t tell you what to do. You’ve gotten yourself into this, so you’ve got to get yourself out of it. If Leah finds out, you know it will be over. But you know we have to be at the airport in an hour, so you’d better figure it out, and fast.”

I hung up the phone, cursing Louis.

Of course he was right, he was always right. But that didn’t mean I was going to listen to him. What did he say about Leah again? If she finds out, she’ll know what it feels like. But, I don’t want to hurt her. Do I? Ugh.

I let the warm water wash over my body as my mind spun out of control.

“Harry?” Her voice interrupted my thoughts as she knocked on the bathroom door. “What time do we have to leave for the airport?”

“We have to be there in an hour!” I called out.

“Okay! Thank you again! I’m so excited you’ve asked me! We’ll have so much fun, just like last night!” Her words caught me off guard.

Yes, we would have fun. Leah would see it and she’d realize how badly she’d screwed up and she’d come running back. She’ll finally know how I’ve been hurting these past two weeks. But maybe she and Danielle were right. Maybe Leah would only continue to hurt me. Maybe I needed someone else after all.

Notes