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I thought this would work

Chapter 5

'Hurry up Ava, Oh My God' Jessie calles to me from the other side of the barrier.
'what do u want me to do?' I shout back.
We are in penny's queing to pay for Millie's presants.
we choose the new naked pallet, a pair of high waisted shorts and pink and blue hair dye set from me and from Jessie a French connection mini makeup set, a buck of necklaces and a pair of jeans.
'the que is really longgggg if you haven't noticed' I say.
I final get to the top and pay for our stuff and we head to the cinema.

'HIIII' millie screams when we enter the cinema.
'HAPPY BIRTHDAY MILLIE' we both scream and run up and hug her.
'Here's your presants' Jessie says and we give her the bags.
'OMG Thanks guys' she exclaims.
'haha it's fine' we give her a last hug and go over to join our friends.

Notes

Comments

Hey I like the story a lot so far but could you make the chapters longer please? And update!

CherryCoke23
6/8/15

@Savanna and Niall
Thanks it's my first story and I no it's not great I'm just not sure how to write this type of story so I though I'd give it a go..do u have any tips?? X

Lilly44223
11/26/14

Lilly. I'm gicing my honest opinion. I love the story's but. It needs lots of work for it to get views. Yes I love these stories but they way you right these I wouldn't read it. Message me if you'd like some help. I voted and subbed for Ya. Continue though!