Doin' Dirt

I look at Harry, totally mesmerized. I run my hands on his chest as I grip on his shirt, trying to slip it off him but he grabs my hands and pins it unto the mattress.
“Harry, please.” I beg.

“Shhh.” And he kisses me on the lips.

I don’t know what I want from him. I just found out that I like the things he’s doing to me because my body reacts to something I haven’t experienced before. It’s just pure pleasure and I want more. I know I sound like a bitchy-slut but it’s the truth. I want it so bad right now and here’s my chance but there’s something holding back and it’s the same question.. are you ready for this?

That, I can’t answer.

I am hating myself for being this way. I know I am not like this. I know I wouldn’t give up myself on someone I barely like, hate. Ugh. Can someone please tell me what I’m feeling right now? I’m sorry but only you can tell yourself, dear. My subconscious answers my dumb question. She’s always right. No one can answer my questions except myself but I can’t find it.

He pushes his body more on me. I can feel his weight but it’s bearable. I tightly wrap my arms around him, telling him I don’t want to stop. I clearly don’t.

Should I?

“Argh.” Harry moans on my lips, pushing his tongue on mine. I slightly open my mouth for him to enter and he does. He explores and pulls away. He looks at me with desperate eyes. I don’t know but-

“Please.” The word flies out.

“Are you sure about it?” He asks. I nod. I can’t speak right now. I don’t know but I can’t find a voice to speak up the words for me. “Answer me, Audrei.” He demands.

“I’m ready.” I say without thinking hard. This is so sudden. I’m tempted. This isn’t right but I’m curious. I want to feel what others feel… pleasured. And I’m quite nervous but then ready to have it. But I’m scared having it with Harry.

“You sure about it?” He asks as he places sloppy trails of kisses on my jaw and neck. I moan. I don’t know what I want. I’m being rushed. He makes me nervous. “Answer me.”

“I-I am.” And that’s where I finally made a choice.

I can feel him smile as his kiss finds its way back on my lips. I didn’t argue but to kiss him back.

What I am doing is out of my limit but I made a choice and I’ve done it, I will go through it but half of me is quite startled and excited at the same time, for I will do something what I have always wanted to do. Sex. Not love? My subconscious asks me, making me regret in doing this. I’m speechless for her.

“I will take you as you wish.” He whispers huskily as he puts his forehead on mine, kissing the tip of my nose. He seems gentle and passionate, I think.

I slightly jolted as my Aunt knocks on my door. “Audrei? Did your friend leave?” She knocks again. I can hear Harry groan and mumble small words he mutters under his breath.

“Shit.” I quickly push him gently and went to the door. “Hide.” I tell Harry and he quickly went to my bathroom. I open my door and see my Aunt standing in front of me, looking quite sleepy. “Yes?”

“When did your handsome friend left?” She asks.

“Not so long ago. Why?”

“Nothing. I thought of baking some cookies or something but-“

“You still can. Me and Harry will enjoy eating your delicious cookies.” I cut her off. I don’t know but I’m still nervous. But to be honest, I’m relieved because I thought I was going to give myself away on someone that is not deserving and worthy of me but at the same time, sad because it lasted.

I clearly don’t know what I’m going through but- hell this is so difficult to understand. Even myself, I can give myself a massive headache.

Something clink in my bathroom which me and my Aunt’s head to turn around. And I don’t know what I should worry about. Thing that she’ll find out that Harry’s inside my room or the part where I almost gave myself to Harry?

Notes

shit this is short. i'm sorry, i've been very busy this week but i finally got the time to update. please forgive and bear with me, sorry. and i wanna greet everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS and an ADVANCE HAPPY NEW YEAR. I made a video on youtube of me singing 'Santa Baby' [link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4V6Td_bFPg]. i hope you'll like, share and subscribe. thank you. did anyone receive an awesome gift? how's your Christmas? hihi. love you!
- d r e a