Doin' Dirt

I can clearly reminisce that only time where Zayn and I made something nobody at school expected. It was the worst flashback I could ever dream of. The only memory my mind wants to let go because it’s still a dark place to be in. I hate it.

As I close my eyes, I can vividly imagine his hands on my cheek, my hand on his and our lips syncing in the same rhythm. It was a friendly kiss. It should be. But- it didn’t last there. I was in deep tragic when I knew that my best friend wouldn’t be a best friend and I, let myself play this little game where I thought would be fun. Everything that has happened to us, started on a simple text. I didn’t start it. At first, we were just playing, getting fun with the whole thing. I understand and we can be as crazy as fuck because we knew each other more that we even know ourselves. But as I saw myself, I can feel a tiny beat inside me, where my heart is beating for him in a while that is more than a best friend and that’s where I try to start things differently and he just went with it. I can’t imagine myself… every night, we found ourselves locked inside my room, lips locked for a time longer than we can even imagine, nearly bare, hands on places that shouldn’t been and all those things inches away from doing the thing.

My fingers are trembling right now as I read his reply.

Yes. I’m just happy that you haven’t forgotten ‘bout me. :)

To be honest, I did forget about him. I tried and I’ve succeeded but then, it always comes back. I don’t know what I feel about him. I’m just nervous right now and I don’t know if it’s an ecstatic feeling or a forlorn. I just feel bad on what I did to our relationship. But I still consider him as my best friend. Feelings might return and that’s what I’m scared of because as you try to let go, the more it becomes clearer and nearer.

Why would I? I would never do that. We’ve made that pinky promise back when we were 8, remember?

I hit send. My heart is frantically raising and I can feel my lips turning into a smile. What the fuck is actually happening inside me? And before I know, my phone beeps and his name appears.

I actually made that promise and we both agreed on it. Hahaha. Well, I haven’t asked you formally, how are you doing this time? I apologize for not talking to you for a couple of months.. I just don’t know what to say when I do but- yeah, found the courage now.

And now, I’m actually giggling. I feel happy knowing about this. Zayn makes me think about… and the thought of Harry replaces my mind again. I wanna apologize for kicking him out. Yeah, he deserved it. Let him feel this way. My subconscious slaps my shoulder then crosses her arms in front of me and I nod quietly at her, feeling quite guilty.

Aww. I thought you would never remember to ask but I’m doing great. You?

I don’t want to let things get deeper. So, I won’t ask unnecessary things. Just answer his damn questions, it won’t let you die! My subconscious rolls her eyes at me.

Can we meet or something? Go to your house like the old times where we used to sing and laugh at each other’s corny jokes? …

As time passes by, it was a good 30 minute texting with Zayn until that last text from him made me think for 10 minutes before hitting reply.

Sure. Just give me 20 minutes to prepare, just text me when you’re at the door. Don’t ring the doorbell! Okay? See you.

Okay, out of nowhere, my fingers seemed to find its way to type those words. My mind hasn’t processed everything until now. I let Zayn come here, again. Does he not remember the things we’ve done? Did he forget? Will he do it again? What if my aunt sees us and tells my mom but mom wouldn’t mind because he knew Zayn but- What if Harry sees us? The way he had act a while ago made me realize that he might actually care, for me. You’re very assuming, my dear Audrei. My subconscious reminds me. Maybe, she’s right. Maybe, this is just some game to let me fall for him so that he can take away what’s still mine.

I went inside my bathroom and take a nice hot bath and fix myself. I wear my floral shorts and just a simple t-shirt. I fix my hair and wait for Zayn to reply which made me even anxious. I hate this but at the same time loving it. Not to lie but I miss Zayn’s kiss. What the fuck?! No, no, no! This shouldn’t float in my mind. It’s too wrong. He is my best friend. He is my best friend. I curse myself. It should stay that way.

30 minutes passed and I receive a text from Zayn telling me that he’s at the front door already. I take one last look on how I look on the mirror and breathe a sigh as I take hold of the knob and see him looking at me with a smile I’ve always missed.

“Audrei.” He hugs me in surprise. I smile and hug him back. I feel quite awkward with the whole situation but I shouldn’t. I should move on like how moved on he is now but still. Why the hell is he here? Why come now and not sooner? Or later? What’s his intention? I wanna know but I can’t seem to have the courage to ask him since I do miss him and the way we were.

“I missed you.” I mumble near his neck as I snuggle my head, inhaling his perfume as he holds me tight.

“I missed you too.” He pulls away, looking at me straight in the eyes and I look away.

“Come in.” I silently clear my throat as I let him come inside. I look around if I can see my aunt but she’s nowhere to be in sight as well as Harry. I don’t know what he’ll act if he sees Zayn’s here. I wanna know though. I walk to the kitchen. “Do you like to eat anything? Drink anything?” I ask, swaying my hips as I walk towards the fridge. I don’t know why I do these and I know that he’s watching me.

I can hear a door closed, I don’t know where it came from. It’s either from my aunt’s room or from Harry’s. I don’t know but adrenaline rushes in me. I make my movements fast and swift. I move closer to Zayn as I hand him a soda. I look through his eyes and I can’t take it longer and my stare locks right in front of me where his lips are, quite agape with warm breath escaping the fresh mint scent. I’m debating inside. I’m confused and rushed.

“Audrei?” A voice fills my ears as Zayn pushes himself in front of me, joining our bodies together. I immediately back away from the sudden bewilderment I was in. What was I doing? What was I thinking? I move things too sudden. Is it the rush? Is it the way I’m feeling? What is it in me?

“Hey.” Zayn chuckles as he tucks a strand of hair to my ear. Can’t he feel it too? Why does he act like nothing had happened? I take a glance at him, looking strange at his reaction as I see Harry standing in the corner, shocked and upset. Harry shakes his head as he walks back, fading away with his shadow. I move my stare back at Zayn and he smiles. Can he be more sensitive this time?

“Are you still the same Zayn I knew?” I ask him, not caring if there are wrong words coming out of my mouth.

“What?” He chuckles again. Idiot. “Of course, I am. I missed it too.” He grins and I know where this is going and what I did… I clearly regret it.

Notes

hi there! examinations are done and there's more time for me to update! yey! lol. don't be confused.. this isn't a zayn fanfic [if you ever wonder] i just inserted a little part for him because i don't want this story to be all-about-harry-and-sex hahahaha. okay, i do wanna know what are your thoughts as the story is going. please do comment them below, it motivates me a lot if you do [and also voting for it]. i have a youtube account and i'll start posting covers this 21st and i hope you would like and subscribe. thanks for everything. love you.
-d r e a

twitter/ask.fm: AndreaLoren98
kik: Andrea_Loren98
youtube: Andrea Loren