Pretend It's Ok

Zayn's eyes hadn't left her. They refused to move from where they were glued. Melinda's face was pale, her lips a light pink and her hair sprawled all over the pillow. He hadn't noticed that he had cried let alone teared.

Everything around him was nothing but a mere blur. She was the only thing he could see - her face in the dark with nothing but the moonlight beaming through the blinds. The room smelled like handsanitizer and cleaning supplies - mostly bleach - and it burned the passageways of his nose. The strong aroma of the hospital made him dizzy - to say the least.

Within seconds he submersed is head into the bed beside Melinda. One of his hands intertwined with her's and one folded inwards for his head to rest on. He thought maybe that he would just save himself the trouble of getting any reaction from her and just sleep it out.

Alas, sleep never did find it's way with Zayn. He wept silently with his head still in the same position. Zayn shook his head yelling at himself mentally at how stupid he had been. There was nothing Zayn could do. Everything had been said and done; there was no turning back the hands of time. He apologized and asked god for forgiveness of his alienation towards his wife.

The sound of her phone went off. He gazed at it hearing the calling to Maghreb - sunset - prayer. His heart faltering slightly at the voice. Zayn wiped his tears standing up not really wanting to let go of his wife's hand. But what better way to isolate her than for god? God had been the only one to cure Melinda and anyone effected by the situation. Zayn sniffled fixing his messed up shirt heading towards the bathroom.

He prepared himself grabbing his bag full of belongings. Taking out some clothes, Zayn grew drowsy again almost loosing feeling in his legs. All the running he had done previously had worn him out.

After finishing his cleansing for prayer, Zayn had noticed that he had forgotten his prayer rug. "Damn.", he spoke under his breath.

He scoured the room for some sort of substitute for it. He then spotted his jacket and settled for what he had. Zayn stood in the upright position with his hands folded over his chest reciting Koranic verses. He felt the weight of his heart lighten and the feeling of heaviness drift his body. Bending down he recited again and then bowing down with his head on the jacket. He felt the back of his throat clog and yet again had begun to sob to his lord seeking his forgiveness. Zayn prayed for his wife to heal and to be cured. He never left her out of his prayers since their first meeting at her parent's house - which was something he would never admit till this day.

Zayn turned his head to the right of him and then the left giving the last words in prayer. He looked up at the bed seeing that she had still been in the unconscious state she had been in before. Zayn got up picking up his jacket with him. He placed it on the chair he 'slept' in and then took his previous position where his wife laid. His fingers laced with her's as he stared down at her having a conversation with her.

Melinda had been breathing, but the doctors diagnosed that she had suffered an enormous anxiety attack extremely severe to the point that it had almost developed into a stroke (which wasn't something anyone wanted to hear). The doctors also informed Zayn to take good care of her until she was out of her state of shock. Yes, out of her state of shock. It meant that even when Melinda was aware of her surroundings and environment that she would still have trouble with remembrance and comfortableness.

"...and then you said that you would never eat it because you said it looked like vomit!", Zayn laughed to himself staring at her. His smiled quickly faded as soon as it had came. He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb gazing at her with a tired expression. "Come on, Melinda...", he pleaded feebly. "Wake up.", he begged with a child-like innocence.

He grunted feeling more failure creep into him. Zayn put his head down again loosing hope. Maybe he should just let time do its thing. He needn't not be so hopeful about speedy recovery especially with an incident happening so recent as yesterday and severe as this. Zayn attempted to close his eyes once more. The stinging sensation from all the crying he had been doing in the span of almost 48 hours caused him to wince. It felt as though the tears were sucked out of him.

Or so he believed...

Melinda squeezed Zayn's hand slightly causing him to flinch and spring his head back up. A gasp escaped his mouth as quickly as his reaction tears brimming his eyes, "Melinda." Zayn called to her feebly with a raspy voice.

Nothing. His hopes decreasing rapidly again. He wondered how bad this all had been on her. How much pain did he inflict on Melinda? This was all his fault and there was no way of him twisting it around or putting her to blame. Zayn hadn't forgotten the whole cause, but he did forget how it started.

Was it his fault? Of course it had been.

The beeping went on and on as a constant reminder that this was what Zayn had made everything come to be. His actions and words lead to this very moment. Zayn's heart broke. His soul shattered. His mind crushed like an aluminum can being recycled.

What has he done? What had all this come to? Why hadn't he seen this coming? Why didn't he prevent it? How could he have been so blind? Most importantly...

What has he become?

The thoughts racing through his mind knowing exactly that this was his fault. Neglect, isolation, rash annoyance... It was him who dragged it all along with him every time his foot stepped into the flat. Why had he ignored Melinda? What made him avoid her? What made him unleash everything on her? Yes, Melinda was there for him to relieve stress, but not in that sense.

If there was one thing out of the situation that Zayn could be proud of in his defense was that he hadn't cheated nor was he on drugs. Drinking...Zayn had a few. He could be pointed the finger on with that. Smoking cigarettes...yes. He had been guilty. As for cheating, never. Zayn would never do that to her.

"I feel so stupid!", he rested his head onto the bed near her head cursing and mentally beating himself up. "I'm so sorry Melinda..." Zayn's tears fell freely from his eyes each droplet falling onto the white bed sheet. He sobbed quietly to himself letting out a few heaves and huffs. "Wake up Melinda. Do something.", he held onto her cold hand begging for some sort of movement. "Please....I beg of you."

Another squeeze startled him this time with a bit more force. Zayn's eyes darted to her face seeing her eyes twitch.

Her eyes fluttered open. Melinda's eyes were agape to the ceiling. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion as she turned to Zayn. She looked at his hand on her's. Melinda opened her mouth with no sound. Just like his dream except it had been her who lost her ability to speak. More salty droplets rolled down his cheeks as joy filled his heart.

Never in a million years would he ever expect seeing Melinda in this state. She's seen him at his weakest and now Zayn got a taste of his own medicine. "I love you Melinda. I'm so sorry.", he sobbed even more holding her hand tighter and kissing the back of it repeatedly. "I'm the worse husband ever.", Zayn sobbed holding her hand tighter and placing it on his forehead. He trembled holding onto her.

A tear escaped her eye as she struggled to let out sound, "Zayn...p-please st-stop c-c-crying. It hurts more." Her voice almost a whisper as she croaked and controlled the stutters. "I...", she swallowed for some moisture which only ended in failure. She was parched. "I...for-forgave you from the first step you t-took out of the flat that night.", she wheezed barely breathing. It was too soon for her to use so much strength. "Stop crying.", she pleaded in her feeble state. "Please.", Melinda begged again using as much power in her body to position herself upright - with Zayn's help of course.

Zayn got up from the chair sitting on the edge of her bed where he had placed his head. Without so much as hesitation, Zayn grabbed her holding her close to his chest. Finally feeling the beat of her heart against his, the feeling of burden had escaped him for a while. Zayn needed her touch. He could smell her...her signature scent. Not even the strong horrid smell of the hospital could rid Melinda of it.

"I've missed you so much, Melinda.", Zayn whispered into her silky black hair that he entangled his fingers in.

Melinda struggled once more holding onto him. She felt the absent feeling of him leave so quickly. "I missed you too." Zayn could feel her loosely wrap her arm around him. "Please, don't ever leave me like that again...", she begged grasping onto her v neck.

Zayn shook his head lightly sobbing yet again - his eyes stinging violently -, "Never will I ever leave your side." He gazed at their fingers that were woven within each other and their rings glistened in the only light source given by the moon.

She mumbled something into his shirt taking in the familiar scent of him. Zayn looked down at her with a questioned look. Melinda giggled weakly resulting Zayn to smirk with happiness and furrow his eyebrows seeing the struggle in her face.

"I said...", she took a deep breath. "Promise me you won't cry ever again.", she whispered with a raspy voice. "For someone so handsome, you're an ugly crier.", she chuckled into his embrace.

Zayn couldn't help but to hold her tighter laughing at her insults. Everything she had said had just made him feel a bit more secure and comfortable. Even if it damaged his ego. He chuckled along with her rubbing her back feeling her arms snake around him.

Zayn faced her pushing her bangs out of her face. He steadily gazed into the two pools of honey he so dearly and desperately yearned for. He missed seeing the dark curly lashes that accented her beautiful almond-shaped eyes. His hands cupped her face feeling the soft skin underneath them. Melinda felt the goosebumps form onto her skin as her cheeks burned with red.

Zayn giggled at the innocence she still held onto. The effect he had on her still amazed him even till now. Bringing his head down closer to her, he kissed her forehead lightly letting his lips linger on her burning skin.

"Promise...", he vowed for the last and final time.

Notes