Just as Much

Niall's POV

And here we are again. Two weeks have come and gone and I have to leave Erica at home once again and head to Thailand. I hate this. I hated saying goodbye to her. I feel like lately, that's all we do. Say hello for a short period of time, then goodbye. And it won't get any better. We have two months off before the Europe leg we're gone for a month then two weeks off, then off to North America from pretty much July till October. It's just getting old.

I've almost convinced Erica to come with us to tour Europe. She's never been to Norway, Sweden, or Finland so I really want to take her and show her everything I can. We probably won't be able to do anything but I just want to show her the world. I know she's never been to Italy or Greece so I'm already planning a trip for when I get back from Dubai.

We had so much fun being together these two weeks, at least I thought we did. We didn't do much because every time we tried to go out and enjoy ourselves, people got wind of it and were there and would change our plans. Erica was amazing at it, helping take pictures for fans, or just standing off to the side and waiting for everyone to get through the line. She would pep me up when I got tired of people asking for pictures. She just always knows what to say.

We had dinner with friends, usually Allison and Kyle were our guests, I got along with Kyle well enough. While Erica was away at school I spent time playing golf, indoor or outdoor, it didn't matter. Or I went to matches. I even dragged Erica to a few of the lat night ones. She's such a trooper.

I'm excited to see everyone back on tour again but I just wish Erica was here with me. At least I'll have my friends. And I'm ready to see Harry, he stayed behind in Japan and with the time difference I haven't really spoken with him.

Arriving in Bangkok, I'm the last one to come. I did it on purpose, the last one to arrive means I spent the more time with Erica. It's a quiet ride to the hotel, tomorrow is the concert and it's already close to midnight so the darkness helps mask my arrival. The driver helps me with my bags and part of our security team meets me at the front door to help carry them in. Even if I was dreading it, my excitement level grows when I see Harry, it's always fun when we all get together.

“Harry!” I yell from down the hall as he's standing in the doorway.

“Niall!” He yells back at me running towards me, pulling me into a bone crushing hug. “How was the flight? Which one is your room?” He asks, following me down the hall.

“Um.” I look at my key and look around. “This one.” I point to the door and use my key. “Flight was good, quiet, boring. And now I'm here.” Another hotel room. They all start to look the same. All like little prisons, but at least my prison is with a great group of people. “How was Japan?” I set my bag down and kick my shoes off. Security coming shortly after I walk in to drop my bags off then leaving Harry and I again.

“Japan was nice. You know, it's different then any other place, their culture is quite interesting.” He leans against the dresser, crossing his arms. “How's Erica?” Harry can tease as good as Louis can but he doesn't. Everyone likes her and I know that if I'm with Harry that he's genuine when asks about her.

“She's good.” I can't hide my massive smile. She hasn't told me she loves me yet, I know it will get there, but my heart still breaks a little each time I say it and she doesn't. “She's officially on spring break but Thailand is too far away so she didn't come.” Much to my disappointment. I wanted her here so badly but I understood why she couldn't. Still didn't change how many times I tried to convince her or plead with her to come. She's a stubborn one.

“So what are her plans then?' Harry asks.

“She's just staying at home, working with her mum.” I shrug. “Probably studying and reading.” I unzip my bag and start pulling things out, my laptop, cell phone charger, deodorant, a bunch of things.

“Well that's boring. Why couldn't she come with us for the week?” Harry pulls his long hair all together and puts it in a bun on top of his head.

“Well mainly because we're just going to be here in Thailand and then we have a whole week until we have a show in the Philippines. And it's just a really long time. She still has to go back to school and you know how important that is to her.” I explain as Harry listens, nodding along occasionally.

“That's a bummer.”

“Pretty much. Where is everyone?” I ask, changing the subject. The more I talk about Erica the more I miss her.

“Um, Louis is in his room with Lottie, I think they're on the phone with their mum, Zayn is already sleeping I believe, and Liam and Sophia are doing god knows what in their room.” I laugh, when I see him widen his eyes talking about Liam and Sophia.

“Exciting. Well I'm going to try to get some sleep. See you tomorrow?” I ask, just a little anxious to be alone for once. I swear we're just always around people, we never get to be by ourselves.

“Right. Tomorrow then.” I can see he's a little disappointed, I know these past two weeks haven't been easy for him and I want to talk to him about it but I'm just not in it right now. He walks past me, shuffling his feet and leaving me in the silence.

I take my phone out and text Erica quickly.

To Erica: Safe and sound in the hotel. Wish you were here. Love you.

I sit on the bed, phone in hand, already waiting for a response from her when I see those three familiar bubbles.

From Erica: Good! Try and get some rest. Miss you more.

I plug my phone in and strip my clothes off, changing into shorts and a t-shirt, turn the light off and climb into bed with visions of Erica running in my head.

“That was amazing!” Liam pours a bottle of water over his head, sweating from tonight's show.
The crowd in the Philippines was just perfect for the show.

“It was really fun.” We all walk together backstage to the dressing room. All I know is I just need a shower. Lou, Lottie, and Sophia are sitting in the back, messing around with Lou's laptop, watching some show.

“Hey guys.” Lottie yells over her shoulder, not really looking at us. It's been the typical routine that we've had during this tour. They don't come out to watch us preform all the time and if they do, they leave early.

“Niall your phone has been ringing like crazy.” Lou looks at me and I check my pockets, I must have left it in my other jeans, I had to change quickly.

“Shit. Who called?” I ask, frantically looking for my other trousers in my basket.

“I don't know, I just heard it vibrating constantly.” She turns back to the computer.

“Ohhh sudden turn of events, Erica turning into a stalker?” Louis teases and I shrug him off, finally finding my phone and seeing I have over fifty calls. All from Erica, my mum, Greg, Denise, and my dad. Panic strikes me, people call me but not to this extreme. I'm all the sudden nervous, shaky to click on Erica's name and hear it connect, dialing.

“Niall.” Erica sounds distressed as soon as she come on the phone.

“Erica. What's the matter?” I ask, furrowing my brows, slightly starting to pace back and forth. Zayn comes over to me, as if to non-verbally ask me what's going on but I just hold my hand out to push him away.

“Niall its your nan.” I stop in my tracks, I can feel the color draining from my face. “Oh god Niall, she's had a heart attack.” I start to feel around for the wall and brace myself against the wall. My breathing becoming more and more shallow. Zayn and Harry have noticed my change in determiner and walk towards me. I can hear Erica start to quietly sob. “I'm so sorry Niall, she-she didn't make it.” My arm gives out and I slowly slide down the wall, dropping my phone in the process. Pulling my knees up and putting my head between my legs to help calm myself.

I can hear Zayn talking to Erica but it's all like I'm floating. My nan, gone. I saw her briefly at Christmas. Now all I'm doing is wishing that I would have spent more time with her. I should have called her more. I should have went home for those two weeks. I should have been with her and now she's gone.

Notes

Hey everyone! Just letting you all know that this story will be ending soon...I don't know how many chapters are left because they're not done yet I see the end, so prepare. :)

Poor Niall. This chapter was a little skippy, I apologize for that but it's how I needed it to work. And poor Erica, having to tell Niall that news, not easy at all.

Hope you all have a beautiful Monday. Stay warm if it's cold where you are.

xoxox