Just as Much

Niall's POV


“Do you really have to leave?” Erica flops on my bed, throwing her body back, hair strewn all about. I take a deep breath and throw my socks in my trunk.

“I'm sorry.” I lay next to her as we look at the ceiling.

“I feel like we just got back to London, just figured everything out.” She rolls on to her stomach and props her head up with her hands.

“I know.” I tuck her lose hairs behind her ear as she gets closer to me and rests her head on my chest.

“You'll just be gone for so long.” It's the truth, I'll be gone until March. It doesn't help that I had already planned to go to Australia early on holiday to hang out with friends and attend the Australian Open.

“Can't you just cancel your plans?” She mumbles into my shirt as she wraps herself around me. God I just love her. I could just stare at her all day, just watching her breathing is captivating enough. New Years was fun, we just went to a club but we weren’t feeling it so we thought if we left by a certain time that we'd be back at my house my midnight but ended up getting stuck in traffic, spending our New Years kiss in the back seat of the car.

I was mad that she decided to move in with her mom and not me, for selfish reasons of course. I wanted her to stay with me so we could be together as much as I wanted to but Erica insisted we didn't need to move too fast and moving in together too soon might ruin some things. I didn't really understand her reasoning but I still respected it. Between her course work, working, then my busy schedule I don't see her as much as I want. It's difficult considering I'm leaving like two weeks early for tour. I wanted her to come so bad but she has school and I couldn't ask her to miss that much.

I subconsciously rubbed her back, listening to her breathing. I just wanted this moment to never end and I was almost mad at myself that I made these plans. But I did it back in October, when Erica wasn't even speaking to me, I just wanted to get out my house because my house will always remind me of Erica.

“I wish I could Erie. But I already got everything figured out. We'll just have to talk, text, and facetime you more. It will all work out.” I hug her tighter.

“When do you have to leave?” She asks.

“Tomorrow, you know that.” I'm just here. I'm upset about leaving and leaving her here. It's just such a long time. “Hey.” I pat her butt and make her head pop up, glaring at me. “You think dinner is ready yet?” She rolls her eyes and positions herself to sit on top of me, slowly grinding her hips, catching my attention quick. I can feel my body reacting in ways I can't control as she leans down to hover over me.

“Maybe.” She kisses me quick then hops off, running to the kitchen, leaving me waiting.

“Damn you Erica!” I chase after her, following the sounds of her sweet giggles. I catch up with her, pinning her against the wall in the dinning room. “CinderErica.” I tease.

“Oh please don't call me that.” She pleads. Its her new nickname the fans have given her. I used to say that I was just waiting for my princess and when people found out about Erica and the fact that she used to clean my house she was automatically dubbed CinderErica, like my own personal Cinderella. She hated it. I teased her about it all the time just because she hates it so much. She refuses to be known as a princess and I know that, she's worked hard for her education and her knowledge so I understand, I respect that.

“I'm just teasing.” I kiss her cheek and leave her there while I walk off to the kitchen to see how the roast is coming along. Erica wanted to make me one last dinner before we split yet again. I fear that will be the story of our life, always splitting. And she insisted on making my favorite, roast, carrots, and potatoes, it made the house smell amazing.

“Well it smells done.” She nudges me out of the way with her hip and checks on the roast, making the room smell like food even more.

I lean against the counter, I just can't get enough of this moment. Seeing her in my house, cooking, messing around, helping me pack, loving me, I just want it to last forever.

“Hey.” She turns to me, putting the lid of the crock pot down, walking over to me and wrapping her arms around me.

“Hey.” She mocks me a bit, in a loving way, of course.

“I love you.” I felt like this was the moment, the moment I've been waiting for to say how I really feel. I take her head in my hands and kiss her lips. “I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone.” I whisper into her mouth, just inches away from her. I'm not even waiting for her to say anything. I don't care if she doesn't I just want her to know how much I love her. How much she means to me.

“Niall.” She whispers, that's when I finally pull back and study her. I instantly know she won't say it back. The moment my eyes lock with hers I know. “Niall I'm just not ready.” My heart breaks slightly but I try to keep my composure. Of course she's not ready, we've only been dating for a month but I've loved her for so long. “Oh God, I'm so sorry.” She steps away and covers her face with her hands. I take a deep breath, bit of a blow to my ego.

“It's okay Erica.” I hook my fingers in the belt loops on her jeans and pulled her closer. I'm obviously upset about the situation but Erica moves slower than I do, I need to understand that. She had already told me that that things were moving fast. This probably didn't help one bit. I wrap my arms around her, she's still covering her face with her hands. “It's okay.” I repeat over again. “I still love you though. You can say it when you're ready, it doesn't have to be today.” I reassure her, holding her close.

“Please don't leave tomorrow.” Her words are lost in my chest, I can feel my shirt start to get wet and I know she's crying. It breaks my heart to have her like this. To be so distraught with everything that's going on.

“Hey.” I pull her away just slightly. “Erica, stop.” The emotions of the moment are getting to me. “Relax.” I pull the hair away from her face and smooth it down. Her cheeks streaked with tears. “We are going to be fine. I promise.” I wipe her face with my thumbs and kiss her salty lips. “I'm so much better just because you're around. I don't need to hear you say those words to me. You're here for me, that's all that matters to me.” She nods her head slightly and hugs me again. I don't know if I said the right words or how I even said that but it's the truth. I just need her. “So lets eat.” She laughs at my words and turns to set plates out.
--------------------------

“Okay. I've got it all.” I take a deep breath and turn to Erica. I've never had to say goodbye to someone I love so much. The love I have for my family is different, obviously, it's difficult to say goodbye to them but Erica is just special. I want her to be by me all the time. I've never understood how much the other guys suffer when they're away from their girlfriends but I have a feeling I'm going to know as soon as I leave her line of sight.

“Are you sure?” Erica asks me, checking the bathroom one more time. We spent the night together, things weren’t that awkward as I had thought they would be. We enjoyed dinner, played a stupid game of dominoes, stupid because she kicked my ass, watched movies, and then spent the rest of the night just enjoying one another.

“Well if I'm being honest, I know I'm going to be forgetting you. Can't you just miss school for a little bit?” I take her hand, guiding her down the hallway. I don't want to leave her but it's my job.

“Only 44 more days until we can see each other again.” Erica laughs. Yesterday we both downloaded countdown apps so we know exactly when we'll be meeting again, I just can't wait until the numbers get lower and lower. We only have a two week break next then it's back on the road for a month. But after that we get practically two months together and she'll be done with school at the end of April so I'm going to be surprising her with a trip, just need to plan it.

“It will go fast. Don't miss me too much.” I hug her tighter. I just want to skip my whole trip.

“I'll miss you as soon as you walk out that door.” She promises me. I kiss her fiercely, leaving myself wanting more.

“I love you.” I almost hope that she says it back to me, but all I can hear is her choking back tears. “I'll call you as soon as I get out the door.” I laugh.

“Bye.” She squeezes me one more time and I can't keep my eyes off of her as I walk to the garage and shut the door.

Notes

Good Morning! Or Afternoon, evening, night, whatever it is where ever you are! I should be sleeping, I'm usually sleeping but my roommate is sick and coughing like a mad woman so I can't sleep. :)

Things just got a little awkward between Niall and Erica but thoughts? I think he played it off well, he's obviously upset but he's trying to understand. Erica just doesn't want to rush things. Hope you all don't mind I'll be jumping around a little bit for the rest of the story...things can get boring on tour, or not, never know. :)

Let me know what you think! I love all your comments!

xoxox