Just as Much

Erica's POV


I wake up and know I'm alone. Instant regret from last night creeping into my brain. I don't know what I thought would happen, we kissed, my stomach tightens just thinking about it, maybe Niall doesn't feel the same way anymore.


I open my eyes and not to my surprise, I'm alone. I take a deep breath to compose myself, I'm leaving for New York today, I refuse to let myself be sad. I slip my jumper on and peek in Niall's room, his bed made and no sign of him. Panic sets in just a bit as I try to calmly walk down the hall, no Niall in the other bedroom, no Niall in the living room, no Niall in the kitchen. My brain is full on panic, even more regretting kissing him. I frantically pull the door open to the garage and see his Rover is missing. Oh my god, he's so embarrassed from last night he doesn't even want to face me.


I feel the tear well up in my eyes as I close the door in defeat and place my head against the fridge. I'm so stupid to assume he still wanted me, it been almost two months since I heard him tell Luke he liked me, I missed my window.


I take a deep breath and gather myself together, I've got things to do. I walk past the kitchen with my head held high and see a piece of paper on the dinning room table, I see it addressed to me so I begin reading.


Erica,
Sorry I had to skip out early, one of our meetings got pushed up.
Have a safe flight, I'll talk to you later!
Xx Niall


I'm mad, actually mad after reading this. I know he's lying about the meeting, they have three days off between this last show and their next one, all of their meetings are purposefully set for the afternoon so they can get rest. It's always been like that.


He didn't even mention last night, and I won't see him for like a month and a half, that's how he says goodbye? Obviously his feelings have changed. I drop the paper back on the table and walk back to my room, stripping the bed of the sheets and start to get ready for the day.


Allison is taking me to lunch before I take off and I need some best friend time before I go. I take one last look around and see nothing left of mine. I take a deep breath and roll my second suit case into the hallway by the door where Allison is waiting.


"So this is it?" She asks.


"Yep! I have somethings I'll just leave in the trunk of my car that I won't need there but this is it. My life packed into two bags." I make a tight smile, dropping my set of Niall's house key in the basket, maybe when I get back I can request a change, clean someone else's house.


"Well I'm not in a bag so it's obviously not your whole life." She laughs, trying to lighten the mood as she takes one bag and I take the other. "Wait, don't you have to say goodbye to Niall?" She asks, pausing at the steps.


"Oh, no, he's not here, early meeting." I tell her as I keep rolling my bag.


"Erica." Her tone makes me pause. "Did something happen between you two? Finally?" She asks cautiously, of course she would pick up on it.


"Maybe, but I don't want to talk about it right now, we'll talk about it at lunch, I promise. Just follow me to my moms and we'll figure everything out" she simply nods as we put my suit cases in her car.


Even though my mom isn't in London this summer and her house is being renovated, she still has an empty garage space so I'm leaving my car there and protected while I'm gone. It will serve as my mini free storage unit as well for everything I can't take.
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"Spill." Allison wastes no time when we sit at an outside table of one of our favorite spots, Three Magpies. I groan and lean back in my seat. "I'm not letting you leave London without telling me Erica. I know something happened." She taps her nails on the glass table, a habit I find truly annoying and she knows it.


"It's nothing big." I shrug my shoulders, hoping that's enough but I know once she purses her lips and budges her eyes a bit, it's not enough information. "Fine." I adjust myself against the chair and begin my story. "So last night I couldn't sleep, I tossed and turned all night before I finally gave up around two am and decided to go lay outside under the stars. About ten minutes later, Niall came out. We laid under the stars, talked, he played with my hair." I let myself linger in the moment, it felt right, felt perfect.


"Go on." Allison encourages me.


"Right." I snap back to right now, focusing on the story. "So he tells me I should head to bed and we go inside, he walks me down the hall and hugs me, as he's pulling away, something just came over me and I kissed him. Then-"


"You kissed him?" Alison's voice rings out loud and clear as the people at the table next to us look up in surprise.


"Allison." I say her name sharply as she says her apologies to them.


"I kissed him. And when I went to pull away he pulled me back and we kissed again."


"How was it?" She asks, taking a sip of her water, I can see her mind racing, trying to calm herself by drinking water. I know my friend, I know when she's anxious.


"It felt perfect, I had that tingly feeling." I smile thinking about it.


"Then what?" She's so excited.


"I asked him to stay with me and we cuddled in bed, he was rubbing my back and I fell asleep." I pause and sip my water, my throat feeling dry. "Then, I woke up alone. The bed was cold, and Niall was no where to be found. He just left me a note saying he had a meeting. I'm leaving today for close to six months and he didn't even give me a proper goodbye." I'm still upset about it. I assumed I meant more to him then that, he means more to me than that. I'm choosing not to tell her I know he lied about his early meeting, he's still good person, even if he left me like that.


"So he just left?" Allison leans back in shock as Shake my head. "That makes no sense." She sounds as if she's talking to herself, looking around for a genie to answer the questions floating around in her head.


"Well it doesn't matter." I've decided. "I'm done trying. I didn't try all the time but I at least put myself out there last night and got nothing in return. It's embarrassing. I mean, he definitely kissed me back and he stayed with me until I fell asleep but I'm moving to New York and starting fresh. No more Niall." I vow.


"You think you can do that? These last few years just down the drain?"


"I don't know what else to do Allison. I tried. He obviously doesn't like me like that anymore. I can't force it." I've suddenly lost interest in eating as I put my fork down and cross my arms.


"Well if you think that's the right thing for you then I fully support you. It's his loss. You snooze you lose Niall." A smile gracing her lips as she tries to lighten the mood. She raises her water glass, "Here's to new adventures and cute boys!" I raise my glass and clink it with hers, laughing, Allison always knows how to cheer me up.
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"Text me when you get there!" Allison shouts from the drivers seat of her car. She's just dropped me off at the airport, leaving me on the curb with my things so she doesn't have to pay for parking.


"I will!" I bend down and wave to her, seeing her fumble with her phone. "Love you best friend, miss you already!" I blow her a kiss and carefully cross the street to the airport. I swear most people aren't paying attention when they've just arrived or are leaving for a trip.


I check in easily enough and breeze through security, I still have about an hour before my flight begins to board so I walk around the terminal, people watching, my favorite thing.


I keep thinking maybe Niall will appear out of nowhere and rush into my arms, telling me he's sorry and we'll be together forever but my life isn't a romantic comedy and my flight number gets called, bringing me back here and now as I fish for my boarding pass and check my phone one last time. No new alerts.


This is it. I take a deep breath as I find my seat and decide to tweet: A new adventure, fresh start, better luck next time. I force myself to smile as our air hostess starts giving us instructions. Here goes nothing.

Notes

Don't hate Niall just yet, his point of view will be next! I wanted to update last night but the pop-ups when you use this website on your mobile are insane. And quite frustrating. But good news...I got my lap top back! So I can start writing again and updating more frequently.

THANK YOU so much for all the comments last chapter! It for sure motivated me to update faster. :) And welcome to all the new subscribers and people who voted!

Happy Sunday!

xoxoxox