Xenophobia

I couldn't hear the music. I knew it was pounding through the atmosphere, I could feel the vibrations... I just couldn't hear it. I hadn't been able to for a while now. I couldn't, simple could not.

I knew my parents. were worried. I hadn't seen them in five days. I missed Christmas. My phone blew up for the first two days before I tossed it. I was numb. The world was a haze of blurred shades of neon lights, long nights, bared skin, and a bottle after bottle of liquid amnesia.

Bodies crushed in around me from all sides and I just stood there, staring blankly into space as I accept their human contact. I just didn't care anymore. I was numb, so fucking numb. I didn't know where I was, or how I got here. I'm not even sure if I'm even still in the United States. But I don't care.
I was numb.

Time lost all meaning. I was floating... or drowning. I couldn't tell anymore. I couldn't tell the last time I stumbled upon a familiar face. But fuck it, I didn't fucking care.

I was numb.

A blonde haired girl with way too much makeup and not enough clothing was now grinding her ass into my crotch. I let my hands roam the sides of her body, but I wasn't feeling a thing. I craved to feel some sort of emotion. I hated that feeling of being completely and utterly empty. Like an autopsy was performed on me and the medical examiner had just finished removing all my internal organs. My heart, my brain, my liver... everything was gone.

I was numb.
The woman was now whispering repulsive words in my ear. Words I could barley make out because of the deafening music and the thoughts that consumed my mind.

"Ich spreche kein Englisch," (I don't speak English,) I muttered. The mood was not there. I was numb. I was aching.

Aching because the taunting images of Blue's lips pressed to my Khai's forehead clouded my eyes. The way she bit her lip, stifling giggles from whatever it is that he was saying. How he dug his fingertips into her sides, absorbing her God given laugh with his ears. The way both their families spent Christmas Eve together without a racial remark.

The way they took that picture.

The fucking picture.

I wanted to retrieve the damn camera and set it on fire.

"I don't know what you just said," The blonde's hand was now on my length that was as flaccid as my soul. "But I can tell you need a distraction, and I can be that." Her southern accent made me cringe. I took in the way her blue eyes dripped in desperation. But then again, so did mine. I was desperate for a distraction, even for a few minutes. I needed the thoughts to stop. I needed the images to disappear from my mind.

We were now in the bathroom of the club. I watch as the same blonde bobs her head as she tries to take all of me in her mouth. I hear her gag as I harshly start thrusting my hips. The all too familiar taste of blood is recognized by my mouth as I bit my lip trying to stifle my moans.

"Khai," I moan. I am unaware of my choice of words as I reach my high, releasing whatever it is that was building up inside of me. The woman continues to suck as I call her name even more.

"Khai,"

"Khai,"

"Khai."

Notes