Xenophobia

My heart is beating erratically against my chest. Feet moving as quickly as my body will allow them to move, while I quickly cut the next corner. Everything is black... Dark. The only thing leading me is the sheer rush of adrenaline coursing through my veins.

Faster and faster, I rush down the well-known path. It was Christmas Eve and the first snowfall of winter had hit the ground. With each step I see the beautiful colors of the houses I pass by being covered with the white substance.

It was a tradition.

To watch the first snowfall with her, to run outside letting out shrill laughs as we welcome the snow. Somehow, I don't know how, I mustered up all the courage to let go the bottle of alcohol that seemed to be forever glued to my hand. I couldn't... I couldn't mess this up even further. It's gonna be hard, that's for sure. I've ignored her for almost a week after ditching her at the winter ball. I've somehow mentally prepared myself for a slap in the face or a kick to the hits from her out of anger. Whatever the punishment, I'll take it. I'll fucking take it because I just need her in my arms. I need to smell her coconut scented hair. I want to rub my hand over the scar on her hip she had gotten from falling out a tree when she was ten. Something she always hated. But I loved it. Fuck, did I love it.

It was a flaw, yes. But flaws are what make us human. And hell, I needed the reminder that scar gave me to show me that Khai Jackson is in fact human. Often times I question the fact. Her heart is so clean, so pure. She is so God damn beautiful and I didn't think it was possible for the world to hold something that precious.

This world didn't deserve her.

I can see her house coming into view. It seems impossible, but apparently more adrenaline is pumped through my body as I begin to sprint towards the burgundy painted house. My hand soon comes in contact with the gate, but I immediately stop once I saw her.

Khai's eyes are bright and her expression playful. Her lips quirked into a delicate yet content. A smile I've fallen in love with, and continue to every damn day. She moves a strand of her chocolate brown hair behind her ear. Her cheeks are flushed red. I watch as she bites into her lip, holding back childish giggles that I can't help but smile at.

That smile, though, is short lived a boy with light blonde hair walking over to her. Hugging her from behind and lifting her up in the process. I watch her smile grow even more, her teeth on full display once he starts digging his fingers into her sides. The action was soon come to a halt and I was better able to see his face. His eyes were a crazy crystal blue. I never knew that someone could have such blue eyes. He is dressed in a white button up and black jeans.

Blue...

Blue...

Fuck, that was Blue. Blue was there holding her. Laughing with her. Tickling her and hearing the angelic sounds that were Khai's laugh on Christmas Eve.

Melissa soon comes into view as well as another woman who I assume to be his mother. Adrenaline is soon replaced with jealousy and anger as I see Melissa adjusting a camera on its stand while the other young lady watches my Khai and her son continue with their childish banter.

Soon enough, the four were lined up against the white painted wall. White smiles as I see a flash go off from the camera. My knuckles turn white from gripping the picket fence too hard. I let go, not wanting to break the damn thing. My eyes burn as tears threaten to spill. This is exactly what I was talking about. That... that picture... that group picture could never be taken with Khai and I along with our family on Christmas Eve. No, because her mother did not approve of me nor did my father approve of her. Never in our four year long relationship have we ever been able to could each other in the warmths of our home on such a special holiday. We were always curled up in my car or some hotel room I would always get.
The not-so-familiar metallic taste of blood stimulates my taste buds from biting my lip too hard. I don't care enough to stop applying pressure. Melissa and Blue's mother soon start up a conversation on God knows what while he and Khai stand in the corner. My heart clenches once I see him grab ahold of her face, placing his lips to her forehead. She does not deny the gesture and that's when I decide I've had enough.

I run... I run in the opposite direction of my house. Cars zoom pass me and I wipe my eyes vigorously, my chest heaving as I scan the unknown area.

"Taxi!" A bright yellow vehicle comes to a halt at my feet.

I slam the back door, looking directly in the rear view mirror of the car. "Take me to the closest pub."


I've lost her.

Notes

All the energy I once had to finish this book Has been diminished. I really don't know if I will continue....