Soldier

A few days pass. I am going to the coffee shop to see Liam today, and I am a nervous wreck.

I look in the mirror and I don't like anything I have in my closet. I don't like anything I put on. I just decide on a subtle outfit for a subtly-hypothetical date. I hate this, the anticipation. My hands shake as I get my keys. My legs join in on the moves, and I am turning to jelly right in my own house. I lock all my doors, and out into my car, I notice a note on my car.

It read:

'Saw this and thought of you.

Li.'

I throw the note, along with the flower, and run over the both od them, and driving off towards the place.

.....

I get there a bit later, and his car is already there. I think to myself, 'Oh god.', as I walk into the shop, and he smiles.

"You're here! I didn't think you would-"

"Yeah. Let's talk." I sit him down.

"Zayn, before you say anything, I think you need to just hear me out-"

"Liam, I think you need," I lower my voice, as people look at me, " I think you need to hear me out." I emphasize 'me'.

"What would your initial reaction be if you got an email from one of your clients saying that they like you?" I look at him, pain stricken boldly across his face. "I didn't mean client. I meant, like, a friend. God, this is hard. I just-"

"I get it Zayn." I says quietly.

"Liam, I don't think you do. I think you only get what you want to get."

"Zayn, I get it. You won't date me. But, you at least, like me, right?" He looks like a child, and I sigh.

"Do you?" He touches my hand, and I sit there.

"Zayn-"

"No! I don't, goddamnit! I don't want to date you! I don't want to, okay! Just, leave me alone, and enjoy the army, Liam!" with that, I storm out, and sit on the curb.

People are staring at me, and I know Liam is, only because he walks out and I can hear him sniffling. He accidentally brushes my shoulder.

He looks at me and I stand up.

"Look, Liam-"

"No. No, you look. You are a fucking jerk! You only care about houses and your poor, drunk father who is out somewhere getting the holy shit beat out of him! You don't care about yourself, Zayn! You don't know yourself enough to know that you love me! I know you do! You look at me like I'm someone of your own blood, Zayn! I'm not fucking stupid! But, I guess I am, considering that I liked, no loved, someone who is a total jerk! God! I just can't believe you." He walks away, before turning around and saying, "Fuck. You." and walks away.

I drive away, and arrive home a few minutes later, feeling the anger from a few minutes ago. I was a jerk, but he had no right to diss my father. I clench my fists, and punch my wall, regretting it as a red color appears on the wall.

I sigh and walk to the kitchen. The sink is running and my knuckles sting as I run the water underneath them. Wincing, I lean against the sink and think about what Liam said, 'You don't care about yourself, zayn. You don't know yourself enough to know that you love me.' It burns through my mind like fire. I couldn't say it aloud, the words burning like they did in my head.

I sat in my living room, sighing and as I heard my phone ring, and saw Liam's face pop up on my screen, I realized something: I did love Liam.

So I ignored his call and decided to take more time to realize. And I realized a lot more that I loved him even more.

Notes