Stephanie's POV

I get home to find a note from my parents which tells me they have gone out for a meal. So I wanderlessly roam the kitchen picking on snacks as I can't be bothered to prepare a meal, I know I'm lazy.

Harry keeps sticking in my mind as I've been debating with myself whether or not I should go and see him. I know I have to stay away but I want him to know I'm not going to feel this way forever. I hope once I'm mentally stronger I can try again with him. I can't imagine myself being with anyone else.

I sit on the bar stool and slowly swing myself around. He's not bothered with me today, but then I guess he's just giving me the space that I've asked for. Why can't I just make my bloody mind up.

My phone vibrates and I reach into my pocket and unlock the screen. It's Chloe, I smile as I read her text:

Zayn is up for tomorrow's drinks! Lucy is too. I can't wait now. Xxx

Chloe is never the over the top kind of girl, that's usually Lucy. So it's nice to see how excited and happy she is when she's mentioning Zayn. It's going be quite weird meeting up with them, I find it hard enough watching loved up couples all over each other, but I guess it's different when it's one of your best friends.

I quickly text her back telling her I'm looking forward to it, I'll just have to have a couple of drinks before hand. I scroll down into my messages and I find Harry's last text that he sent me. I hover over the reply button but something inside my head stops me. I'm just going to give him mixed messages with the way I'm thinking.

---

Harry's POV

I kick Naomi's bedroom door shut as she frantically pulls at my top, I raise my arms allowing her to lift it over my head. I kiss her mouth and then move down to her neck as she explores my bare chest with her hands. I feel like I have no control, I'm powerless.
She knows exactly what to do to me, this is what we were good at. We have so much experience of learning each other. With Naomi and I it was never emotionally deep enough to be making love, it was just sex. With her it's like a thrill and something that I know I shouldn't be doing.

I lower my hands to the hem of her top and I start to pull it up towards her head. She too puts her hands up and I lift it off over her head. My hands find her soft skin and I slowly raise them up to feel her laced bra.

"Do you have something?" Naomi whispers in my ear as she starts to undo my jeans. I shake my head as she crouches down and I step out of my jeans. I watch her as she kisses my leg and leaves a trail as she reaches my thigh. I start to stroke her hair, she glances up at me and smirks. I smile as she slowly reaches for my boxers and begins to pull them down.

"Naomi.." I sigh as I really wish I didn't have to stop, but I know I'll regret this if I don't. She looks up at me and I gently move her hands from my boxers. I pull them back up and she stands up looking at me with disappointment. "I'm sorry." I add.

"Why?" She asks and I look away as I walk to her bed and sit down. She follows me and sits down next to me.

"I shouldn't have misled you, don't get me wrong I want too.." I say as I look at her and she nods and looks to the floor. "But I can't do this to you again."

"I'm never going to stop wanting you. I loved you and I still do." Naomi says as she folds her arms. This is one of her habits that I used to find so cute and I still kind of do. But those words, she loves me. I'm such a jerk.

"This is all my fault." I sigh as I lean forward and run a hand through my hair. She turns to me and bites her lip.

"I know you never loved me.." She starts, I shake my head for her to stop and I stand up looking at her.

"I did." I say to my own suprisement. Her eyes widen and I frown. "I did love you. I never understood what love was really like. It took me some time to realise you can love someone completely different to how you love someone else." I say as I crouch down infront of her.

"But you always said-" I stop her again.

"It doesn't matter what I said. I loved you, I cared about you and made sure I could protect you. You meant more to me than you realise." I say and Naomi looks away in shock.

"All those times I'd wonder 'Why can't he just love me?' but you did." Naomi says as she looks back at me. I nod, this is going in the complete wrong direction than I planned.

"I was a different guy back then." I say and she nods. "I wish I treated you better." I say as I get back up and sit next to her.

"There's still time." Naomi says softly and I look at her, she slowly leans forward and her lips press down on to mine. I close my eyes as I allow her to deepen the kiss.

I don't know what to do, my head is all over the place. I suddenly think of Stephanie, but it doesn't make me stop as right now she doesn't want me. I've wanted her back for so long and all I do is wait. But I can't wait forever and when Naomi shows me this much affection, it makes me feel more alive.

She wants me, she loves me still after all this time. Maybe it's time to let Stephanie go? Maybe she needs to be alone and I'm not the one for her. As much as that sucks and it kills me to admit it to myself, life isn't going to pause for me to get her back. I need to move on.

---

Stephanie's POV

I stare at the blank piece of paper, I've written three letters which are now screwed up in a ball in my bin. How hard can it be to write to someone? It's supposed to be easy writing down how you feel.
All I want is to write Harry a letter for tomorrow so when he gets home, he has something to read from me. Something that contains how much I love him and need him, I hope he understands me and why I am doing this. I put my pen down and I try for the fourth time to write.

Mum always used to tell me how ever I felt is always to be expressed. People should know how they make me feel whether it's bad or good, honesty is the best thing as it comes from the heart.

What if he doesn't bother to read this letter? What if he gives up on me? I can't expect him to just wait around for me. I'm not even sure when I'm supposed to try, how do I know when I am ready again? If I'm too late he may move on with someone else. That thought makes me feel sick. I can't bare the thought of him loving someone else.

I really hope he understands me and just doesn't think I'm being selfish. I've still not forgiven myself for how I mistreated Niall, I don't think I'll ever forgive getting him involved into my messed up life. He is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met.

Okay, I'm falling off track here, I don't think accidently mentioning Niall in this letter is going to help Harry realise how much I want him still. I hate writing down my feelings, I just wish I could say it and explain it better to him face to face. Maybe I can skip college and go to London, surprise him and show him that he is still in my heart whether I show it or not.
I just don't want to come across as a confusing messed up ex girlfriend, because I know what I want. It's just finding the right time to get it, I don't want anything going wrong.

I'm starting to feel a bit better, I think clearing things up with Amy lifted a weight off my shoulder. I don't have the worry off bumping into her anymore looming over me. I'm also glad I'm still on good terms with Niall, I really didn't want to fall out with him. So it's getting better for me, being on my own has made me realise how much I want to be with Harry.

I don't know how I ever thought I could love someone else who isn't him, I obviously fell for Niall and I enjoyed spending time with him. But he wasn't Harry and as soon as I arrived in London I knew deep down he was the person I had to see. I can't believe I was naive enough to think I'd be okay being in the same city as Harry, it hurt me so much when he turned up at Jed's.

I look back down to my letter that now has four lines, that's no where near enough for a letter. I just struggle writing things down and for it to sound good, my words on paper hardly make sense. I need to try and make this as honest and open as I can, I need him to read this as if he. An hear my voice in his head, reading it out to him.

I look at the first bit 'To Harry' should I put To or Dear? Dear Harry... Maybe I'll stick with writing To. I re read the four lines and I tap my pen gently on the desk, a couple of words come to mind so I start to write them down.

---

Harry's POV

I stare up at the ceiling as Naomi cuddles into my chest, I'm really in two minds right now. I have to accept that I can't always get what I want and I shouldn't have to put things on hold for one person. It drives me insane that I'm always debating with myself about her. I never thought I'd come back from London and end up doing this, I sort of regret doing what I have done. Naomi is going to get her hopes up and I still have no idea what I want from her.

I suddenly realise we never used anything and my heart starts to race, I look down at Naomi.

"Naomi?" I ask and she looks up at me smiling. "Are you on the pill?" I ask hoping she's going to say yes. She sighs as she sits up and moves to the empty space next to me.

"No, I had to come off a while ago as it was making me really ill." She answers and I close my eyes in shame. For fuck sake Harry, think about what you've just done, how could you be so stupid!!? "I'm supposed to be looking an alternative.." She says and I shake my head as I climb out of bed.

"What the fuck are we thinking Naomi?" I ask as I look at her and begin to get dressed. She watches me and shamefully bites her lip. "I'm so stupid.." I groan as I pull my jeans on. I should have stopped us the first time around, what I've just done is irresponsible. We've had a false alarm before, last Christmas Naomi and I slept together, we were so drunk we didn't bother using anything. Naomi was two weeks late and we both were convinced she was pregnant, luckily it was just a delayed period for some odd reason and we were in the clear. That's something I really don't want Stephanie to ever find out, I've no idea what she would think of me. I swore to myself I'd never torment myself like that again, but here I am now and I wasn't even drunk. Fuck sake.

"Harry we will be okay." Naomi sighs as she starts to get dressed. I stop and look at her in disbelief. "I can get a morning after pill." She says and I shake my head at her in shock.

"You say that so casually, does it not bother you how carefree we were?" I ask and Naomi nods and tries to speak but I continue. "Okay we have other options like a morning after pill but we should have used something in advance, we should have been more careful." I snap as I put my coat on.

"You're leaving?" She asks with sadness in her voice. I nod as I check the time on my phone. I look back at her and sigh,

"Do you want me to come with you, to get that pill?" I ask and she slowly shakes her head and looks away. "I don't mind Naomi." I add.

"It looks like you just want to rush off Harry, so don't worry I'll do it on my own." She snaps as she grabs her coat.

"Naomi, I'm sorry. I'll come with you okay?" I say as I look at her, she turns to me and shrugs and I follow her downstairs. "Come here." I sigh as I pull her towards me, she looks away as I stroke her cheek. "I'm not good with situations like these and I panic. I don't mean to upset you." I add and her eyes look up into mine.

"I love you Harry." She says and I don't know what to do or say. I care for her and I know a part of me loves her, but I don't love her like I love Stephanie. So without upsetting her, I lean forward and I kiss her a soft and gentle kiss. She slowly kisses me back and I smile at her as I pull away.

"Let's go and get this sorted." I say and I hold my hand out to her, she looks at me and frowns in confusion. I can't help but smile.

"Harry, you've never held my hand." She says and I reach for her hand and entwine her fingers with mine. She softly smiles as she looks down at our hands. "I thought you don't hold hands with girls." She mocks me from before.

"I told you, I've changed." I smirk as we open the door and we step outside. I don't know what I'm thinking, this isn't a good idea getting involved with Naomi like this. Especially if I decide I can't be anything more than friends, but annoyingly enough, I'm enjoying her company and attention.

Notes

Oh no, what is Harry doing??
He's looking in all the wrong places for that love and attention he's lost from Stephanie. But he's not exactly thinking right is he? He's just getting himself in a mess and I don't think this is going to do him any favours..
Please let me know what you think,
what do you think is going on in Harry's head right now? And Naomi's?

Thank you to everyone who left a comment about the last chapter :)
It motivated me to write this chapter sooner.
xx