Life, Cars and One Direction... Wait What?!
Chapter 38: Banana milkshake
Codie’s POV
I sat, in a black dress at my father’s funeral. I had cried non-stop so far. I couldn’t even look at my mum. Jamie sat next to me, in black skinny jeans and shirt. Her black Dc’s on as well. The rest of my friends were the other side of Jamie.
Mum did the speech, and when she finished, I stood up for mine. Jamie went up with me, she would read on, if I couldn’t. “My father, was an awesome guy. He would always be on my side. Even when he knew that I was wrong, he always stood by me. For my racing, dancing, love life. He would support me if I bought a cat for go sakes.” I was doing well so far, no tears had fallen yet… not yet.
“When I heard about his accident, I was in my hotel room while I was doing ‘So You Think You Can Dance.’ I cried for ages, for hours. Even when I was sleeping I was crying. It hit me hard, because three hours before I got the call he had passed away, I had been talking to him on the phone.” Now the tears started falling, and falling fast.
“He was the best dad I could ask for.” Jamie took over for me. “If mum wasn’t there for me, he was. No matter what. What's the bet that he will still be watching me from up there? He would do anything he possibly can to protect me, probably haunt whoever hurts me in their nightmares.” I laughed at my own joke that Jamie read out, while trying to control my tears. “I have decided that me crapping on about how awesome he is… it’s something everyone else will do in their speeches, so I decided to add something. Something I doubt anyone else would do. I’m gonna sing for him.”
All of my friends came up behind me as back-up singers, I pulled myself together. I finally stopped my tears again, and got ready for the song.
“I feel so numb, staring at the shower wall
It’s begun, the feeling that the end has come
And now the waters cold
I tried to eat today
But the lump in my throat got in the way
In this time I’ve lost all sense of pride
I’ve called a hundred times
If I hear your voice I’ll be fine
And I can’t come alive
I want the room to take me under
Cos I can’t help but wonder
What if I had
One more night to say goodbye
If you're not here to turn the light off
I can’t sleep
These four walls and me
I lay in bed
Can’t seem to leave your side
Your pillows wet from all these tears I've cried
I won’t say goodbye
I tried to smile today
But I realised there was no point anyway
In this time I’ve lost all sense of pride
I’ve called a hundred times
If I hear your voice I’ll be fine
And I can’t come alive
I want the room to take me under
Cos I can’t help but wonder
What if I had
One more night to say goodbye
If you're not here to turn the light off
I can’t sleep
These four walls and me
In this time I’ve lost all sense of pride
I’ve called a hundred times
If I hear your voice I’ll be fine
And I can’t come alive
I want the room to take me under
Cos I can’t help but wonder
What if I had
One more night to say goodbye
If you're not here to turn the light off
I can’t sleep
These four walls and me.”
I finished and I could feel even more tears falling. ‘These Four Walls’ by Little Mix is what I sang, and I felt every word. It described everything that was happening in my life. My breath shuddered and I sat back down again. One of Dad’s best friends did the eulogy. He sounded weird when they talked about being in high school. I knew mum and dad were together early, but I didn’t know that dad had been 18 while mum was 17.
They had me when dad was 25, so mum would have been 24. The age I will be next year. That means that mum is 48 and dad is… was, 49. I never really remembered how old they were, or when their birthdays where. It is one of the things I suck at, dates. Not as in going on dates, I mean remembering important days, like birthdays or dance concerts.
Why was I thinking of that? the funeral finished and we went to Mums house, had food and drinks, and then me and Jamie went to our house. I was too tired to stay up, so I went to bed. I lay in bed crying, so much for wanting to fall asleep.
I felt incomplete, like half of me was gone. It was something I was used to, but tonight I just wanted to be in Louis’ arms. For him to hold me and me to fall asleep, my head on his chest listening to his slow heartbeat. To wake up in the middle of the night, staying awake to listen to his soft snores. To stare at him, looking so peaceful in sleep. Seeing his eyes flutter, showing he was dreaming.
I left his jumper in my walk in robe, for a desperate moment. I think that moment had come. I got out of bed and grabbed the jumper, taking my shirt off and just wearing the jumper and my shorts. I felt better, his scent surrounding me. Knowing he had worn this made me think he was actually here. For the first time in a while… I smiled. Not because someone made me feel better, because I did. Because I had good and happy thoughts. I went to bed, and dreamt of the things that should be, not what really is.
***
I woke up, so tired, and completely out of it. I walked to the kitchen without realising it, and made a milkshake without singing or actually knowing what I was doing. Jamie walked in and woke me from my zombie mode.
“You know that you made a banana milkshake right?” she asked me. I looked at the coloured milk in my hands, it was bright yellow.
“No.” I shook my head. “Why was the banana flavour stuff in front of the chocolate?” I asked.
“I don’t kn-”
“Why do we have banana shit in the first place?” I asked, not letting her finish the sentence.
“I don’t know.” She said, putting the tin of banana flavoured stuff in the bin.
“Well, we have it no more.” I stated, tipping the banana milkshake down the sink. I washed the milkshake shaker out and dried it, making a chocolate one.
“Wait, is that jumper owned by who I think it is?” she asked me, seeing Louis’ jumper.
“No.” I shook my head. She didn’t believe me.
“Why do you have his jumper?” she asked me.
“Well, it’s a long story really…” I trailed off, hoping she wouldn’t want to know the full thing. She stood there, arms crossed, eyes asking for an explanation. “Okay. So, the morning when I found him and her I was wearing his jumper, but I didn’t realise it until I was driving away. I couldn’t be bothered going back, so I put it in my bag. I thought about burning it when I got back. I changed my mind.” I said to her.
“Excuse me?” she asked. She didn’t know why I was wearing it.
“Last night when we got home, I felt so alone without him next to me. I just wanted him to be there with me. I got the jumper out and I felt better.” She gave me a sorry look. “I’m sorry Jamie, but I can’t move on. He is half of me. Legitimately my other half. Without him… I… I don't even know how I’m breathing. I love him too much.” I said to her.
“Oh, baby.” She said, taking me into a hug.
“I want him back, I don't care what he did to me anymore. I hurt more now than I did when I found him like that, and I hurt now because I‘m not with him.” I told her more.
“Why don’t you call him then?” she asked me.
“Because I deleted his contact from my phone.” I explained.
“And what about the other boys?” she asked next.
“My phone deleted them by accident. There is no way I could contact him.” I told her. I wish I knew what was going on in her head, because from her face, I think she had a secret plan I wouldn’t know about until it played out.
Louis’ POV
“Codie Badress singing a song, the video has gone viral. More on that after the break.” I tuned into what the newsman was saying. Everything about Codie that was on social media I knew about. However, this is new, and I didn’t know about it.
“GUYS! CODIE DID SOMETHING AND THE VIDEOS GONE VIRAL! IT’S ON THE NEWS AFTER THE BREAK!!!!” I shouted to the household. They all ran into the room. “I said after the break.” I repeated.
“Hey, we didn’t want to miss it. Okay? She’s our friend you know?” Harry said.
“Then why hasn’t she contacted you for ages? Huh?” I asked.
“I think that her phone accidentally deleted our contacts and she forgot that Clarisse and Amelie have them.” Niall added in the conversation.
“Yeah, her phone always has spaz moments, maybe that’s what happened.” Liam agreed.
“Yeah, and she has a terrible memory. So that seems legitimate.” Zayn finalised what had happened.
“Okay guys.” I fell for their argument. We all sat, squished, on the couch. We waited, paying out the ads, and watched intently as the segment came on.
“Codie Badress has been videoed singing ‘These Four Walls’, originally by Little Mix, but it is unknown who she is singing about or where she is singing as it is unspecified. George, do you have more on this topic?” they started the conversation on the T.V.
“Yes I do, Xavier. This song, obviously isn’t the happiest and is about missing someone. So, there leaves two options as to who it is about. It can either be about her Father, Adrian, who died in a fatal car crash about two weeks ago, or it can be about Louis Tomlinson. Their break up happening about five and a half months ago. No one knows the reason why they broke up, but we know that Codie was very distressed about it.” I thought about it. It could be about me, it really could. But, it could be about her Dad, I was sad about that as well. He was cool.
“Now, Codie has been hidden away since this was recorded, and we know that the video was uploaded by a fan of some sorts. This fan is anonymous. Moving on from the anonymous fan we know nothing about, journalists have been coming up with their own explanations for everything happening so far. Some include her audition solo for ‘So You Think You Can Dance Australia’, where she did a heartfelt lyrical to ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay.” They crapped on about how that works to her wanting me back. Now I knew about the solo, I had to watch it.
YouTube works for everything. I walked out of the room before the segment on her finished, and went to the computer. I looked up Codie ‘SYTYCD’ audition. It came up with her dance and I watched it. I was left completely silent. I wasn’t able to say anything. If my heart wasn’t torn apart before, it was now. She really thought I had cheated on her. How can I respond to all of this.
I may not be able to contact her personally, but what if I did it publically? Over YouTube? She would be able to find it, there would be no barrier to communication. Oh this is a grand idea. Absolutely flawless. I was going to get her back. And in two weeks’ time, her race was on. The Clipsal 500. I was going to be there.
What song should I sing? Hmm, maybe if I did more than sing a song?
I sat, in a black dress at my father’s funeral. I had cried non-stop so far. I couldn’t even look at my mum. Jamie sat next to me, in black skinny jeans and shirt. Her black Dc’s on as well. The rest of my friends were the other side of Jamie.
Mum did the speech, and when she finished, I stood up for mine. Jamie went up with me, she would read on, if I couldn’t. “My father, was an awesome guy. He would always be on my side. Even when he knew that I was wrong, he always stood by me. For my racing, dancing, love life. He would support me if I bought a cat for go sakes.” I was doing well so far, no tears had fallen yet… not yet.
“When I heard about his accident, I was in my hotel room while I was doing ‘So You Think You Can Dance.’ I cried for ages, for hours. Even when I was sleeping I was crying. It hit me hard, because three hours before I got the call he had passed away, I had been talking to him on the phone.” Now the tears started falling, and falling fast.
“He was the best dad I could ask for.” Jamie took over for me. “If mum wasn’t there for me, he was. No matter what. What's the bet that he will still be watching me from up there? He would do anything he possibly can to protect me, probably haunt whoever hurts me in their nightmares.” I laughed at my own joke that Jamie read out, while trying to control my tears. “I have decided that me crapping on about how awesome he is… it’s something everyone else will do in their speeches, so I decided to add something. Something I doubt anyone else would do. I’m gonna sing for him.”
All of my friends came up behind me as back-up singers, I pulled myself together. I finally stopped my tears again, and got ready for the song.
“I feel so numb, staring at the shower wall
It’s begun, the feeling that the end has come
And now the waters cold
I tried to eat today
But the lump in my throat got in the way
In this time I’ve lost all sense of pride
I’ve called a hundred times
If I hear your voice I’ll be fine
And I can’t come alive
I want the room to take me under
Cos I can’t help but wonder
What if I had
One more night to say goodbye
If you're not here to turn the light off
I can’t sleep
These four walls and me
I lay in bed
Can’t seem to leave your side
Your pillows wet from all these tears I've cried
I won’t say goodbye
I tried to smile today
But I realised there was no point anyway
In this time I’ve lost all sense of pride
I’ve called a hundred times
If I hear your voice I’ll be fine
And I can’t come alive
I want the room to take me under
Cos I can’t help but wonder
What if I had
One more night to say goodbye
If you're not here to turn the light off
I can’t sleep
These four walls and me
In this time I’ve lost all sense of pride
I’ve called a hundred times
If I hear your voice I’ll be fine
And I can’t come alive
I want the room to take me under
Cos I can’t help but wonder
What if I had
One more night to say goodbye
If you're not here to turn the light off
I can’t sleep
These four walls and me.”
I finished and I could feel even more tears falling. ‘These Four Walls’ by Little Mix is what I sang, and I felt every word. It described everything that was happening in my life. My breath shuddered and I sat back down again. One of Dad’s best friends did the eulogy. He sounded weird when they talked about being in high school. I knew mum and dad were together early, but I didn’t know that dad had been 18 while mum was 17.
They had me when dad was 25, so mum would have been 24. The age I will be next year. That means that mum is 48 and dad is… was, 49. I never really remembered how old they were, or when their birthdays where. It is one of the things I suck at, dates. Not as in going on dates, I mean remembering important days, like birthdays or dance concerts.
Why was I thinking of that? the funeral finished and we went to Mums house, had food and drinks, and then me and Jamie went to our house. I was too tired to stay up, so I went to bed. I lay in bed crying, so much for wanting to fall asleep.
I felt incomplete, like half of me was gone. It was something I was used to, but tonight I just wanted to be in Louis’ arms. For him to hold me and me to fall asleep, my head on his chest listening to his slow heartbeat. To wake up in the middle of the night, staying awake to listen to his soft snores. To stare at him, looking so peaceful in sleep. Seeing his eyes flutter, showing he was dreaming.
I left his jumper in my walk in robe, for a desperate moment. I think that moment had come. I got out of bed and grabbed the jumper, taking my shirt off and just wearing the jumper and my shorts. I felt better, his scent surrounding me. Knowing he had worn this made me think he was actually here. For the first time in a while… I smiled. Not because someone made me feel better, because I did. Because I had good and happy thoughts. I went to bed, and dreamt of the things that should be, not what really is.
***
I woke up, so tired, and completely out of it. I walked to the kitchen without realising it, and made a milkshake without singing or actually knowing what I was doing. Jamie walked in and woke me from my zombie mode.
“You know that you made a banana milkshake right?” she asked me. I looked at the coloured milk in my hands, it was bright yellow.
“No.” I shook my head. “Why was the banana flavour stuff in front of the chocolate?” I asked.
“I don’t kn-”
“Why do we have banana shit in the first place?” I asked, not letting her finish the sentence.
“I don’t know.” She said, putting the tin of banana flavoured stuff in the bin.
“Well, we have it no more.” I stated, tipping the banana milkshake down the sink. I washed the milkshake shaker out and dried it, making a chocolate one.
“Wait, is that jumper owned by who I think it is?” she asked me, seeing Louis’ jumper.
“No.” I shook my head. She didn’t believe me.
“Why do you have his jumper?” she asked me.
“Well, it’s a long story really…” I trailed off, hoping she wouldn’t want to know the full thing. She stood there, arms crossed, eyes asking for an explanation. “Okay. So, the morning when I found him and her I was wearing his jumper, but I didn’t realise it until I was driving away. I couldn’t be bothered going back, so I put it in my bag. I thought about burning it when I got back. I changed my mind.” I said to her.
“Excuse me?” she asked. She didn’t know why I was wearing it.
“Last night when we got home, I felt so alone without him next to me. I just wanted him to be there with me. I got the jumper out and I felt better.” She gave me a sorry look. “I’m sorry Jamie, but I can’t move on. He is half of me. Legitimately my other half. Without him… I… I don't even know how I’m breathing. I love him too much.” I said to her.
“Oh, baby.” She said, taking me into a hug.
“I want him back, I don't care what he did to me anymore. I hurt more now than I did when I found him like that, and I hurt now because I‘m not with him.” I told her more.
“Why don’t you call him then?” she asked me.
“Because I deleted his contact from my phone.” I explained.
“And what about the other boys?” she asked next.
“My phone deleted them by accident. There is no way I could contact him.” I told her. I wish I knew what was going on in her head, because from her face, I think she had a secret plan I wouldn’t know about until it played out.
Louis’ POV
“Codie Badress singing a song, the video has gone viral. More on that after the break.” I tuned into what the newsman was saying. Everything about Codie that was on social media I knew about. However, this is new, and I didn’t know about it.
“GUYS! CODIE DID SOMETHING AND THE VIDEOS GONE VIRAL! IT’S ON THE NEWS AFTER THE BREAK!!!!” I shouted to the household. They all ran into the room. “I said after the break.” I repeated.
“Hey, we didn’t want to miss it. Okay? She’s our friend you know?” Harry said.
“Then why hasn’t she contacted you for ages? Huh?” I asked.
“I think that her phone accidentally deleted our contacts and she forgot that Clarisse and Amelie have them.” Niall added in the conversation.
“Yeah, her phone always has spaz moments, maybe that’s what happened.” Liam agreed.
“Yeah, and she has a terrible memory. So that seems legitimate.” Zayn finalised what had happened.
“Okay guys.” I fell for their argument. We all sat, squished, on the couch. We waited, paying out the ads, and watched intently as the segment came on.
“Codie Badress has been videoed singing ‘These Four Walls’, originally by Little Mix, but it is unknown who she is singing about or where she is singing as it is unspecified. George, do you have more on this topic?” they started the conversation on the T.V.
“Yes I do, Xavier. This song, obviously isn’t the happiest and is about missing someone. So, there leaves two options as to who it is about. It can either be about her Father, Adrian, who died in a fatal car crash about two weeks ago, or it can be about Louis Tomlinson. Their break up happening about five and a half months ago. No one knows the reason why they broke up, but we know that Codie was very distressed about it.” I thought about it. It could be about me, it really could. But, it could be about her Dad, I was sad about that as well. He was cool.
“Now, Codie has been hidden away since this was recorded, and we know that the video was uploaded by a fan of some sorts. This fan is anonymous. Moving on from the anonymous fan we know nothing about, journalists have been coming up with their own explanations for everything happening so far. Some include her audition solo for ‘So You Think You Can Dance Australia’, where she did a heartfelt lyrical to ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay.” They crapped on about how that works to her wanting me back. Now I knew about the solo, I had to watch it.
YouTube works for everything. I walked out of the room before the segment on her finished, and went to the computer. I looked up Codie ‘SYTYCD’ audition. It came up with her dance and I watched it. I was left completely silent. I wasn’t able to say anything. If my heart wasn’t torn apart before, it was now. She really thought I had cheated on her. How can I respond to all of this.
I may not be able to contact her personally, but what if I did it publically? Over YouTube? She would be able to find it, there would be no barrier to communication. Oh this is a grand idea. Absolutely flawless. I was going to get her back. And in two weeks’ time, her race was on. The Clipsal 500. I was going to be there.
What song should I sing? Hmm, maybe if I did more than sing a song?
@CallMeBri
thanks! and i sure will keep it up!
10/3/14