Homepage › Stories › Life, Cars and One Direction... Wait What?! › Chapter 1

Life, Cars and One Direction... Wait What?!

Chapter 1: What are you doing?

“Fires still burn through the state of Victoria in this above average weather, shootings in the ACT still going on, the war in Afghanistan finally over and Eleanor Calder and Louis Tomlinson have broken-up after Eleanor has cheated with a model named Alex Delatra. More on those top stories later.” I was starting to get frustrated at the person whose face was on the 70 inch plasma TV reading out the ‘news’.
“Well, no shit that the weather has been above average, I mean, 24 degrees Celsius in winter! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that it is above average! I mean, if I can figure that shit out, everyone can. Shootings, yeah, yeah, they happen every day. War is finally over! Yesss, score! And who cares about Louis Tomlinson and Eleanor what’s her face? I know I don’t. What do you expect you stupid news reporters?
“The year is 2014, they’ve been together way to long in the celebrity world. Anyways, One Direction are going downhill. They have been since they came to my home country, Australia, in 2013. They were going to break up, then they weren’t, then they were, then they weren’t. It was all for publicity if you ask me!” Now you know my secret, I shout at the TV.
“Oi, Codie! Where the bloody hell is your skinny little arse?” my mother’s voice rang down the halls of my massive house.
“In my lounge Mum! And I am not skinny!” she always tried to convince me I was the skinniest person she ever knew. She has to say that, she’s my mum. My friends say I’m perfect, they’re my friends though. If I am so perfect how come almost no one asked me out in school? Huh? Exactly. Well, guys did ask me out. When I was 16. I poked my tongue out to the news reporter on the screen. He was back and going into detail about the Louis and Eleanor break-up. “No one cares!” I shouted to the T.V. as mum walked in, seeing me throw a tantrum. I was up on my feet jumping around looking like a loony. It was all out of frustration though.
Argh, my life was crap. Well, actually it was nowhere near it. My life was practically perfect. “What are you doing?” my mum asked me concerned about my mental health.
“Getting frustrated at the T.V” I said with a husk in my voice.
“Well then, you are definitely acting like the 21 year old you are then.” I nodded vigorously like a 5 year old. “Now, I’m leaving tonight for a few hours. You know me, I’ve been too busy to clean the house. We are having guests tomorrow, so we really need to clean. I am so sorry that you have to clean by yourself. But, I know how much you love cleaning. I’ll be home later, Dad will be home in the morning. Get to bed by 1 in the morning. I will know if it’s any later, I always know” she smiled.
She kissed me on the forehead, walked out of my floor of the house and out the front door. I heard the black Porsche go out of the long driveway and disappear into the distance. Her work was annoying, she had the nightshift at some place. She got a lot of money for it though. Dad was an entrepreneur and I took care of the house and its inhabitants. By inhabitants I meant celebrities.
My house is two stories high and covers about the size of an Aussie rules footy oval. One massive mansion. It was tucked into the middle of a forest away from civilisation. The bottom floor is for mum, dad and our guests. They have four bedrooms, same amount of bathrooms, a kitchen, a lounge and an inside pool. My floor, the top floor, has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a small kitchen, a lounge and a spare room to put all of my crap in. It was too small to fit a bed in so I used it for storage.
She told me to clean, that means my floor. I wonder who was coming. It must be a group or something. The celebrities stay on the bottom floor unless there’s too many, and then they spill out onto my floor. You’re probably wondering why they stay at my place. Well, I’ll let you in on a secret. No one knows about what goes on in my house apart from my friends, the government and the celebrities who stay here.
We were chosen out of all the houses in Australia to practically be the safe house for singers when they tour the country and are in South Australia. I walked into one of the spare bedrooms and looked in. It hadn’t been used in a while, so I just dusted everything. I put sheets on the bed and looked at it. Good job. It looked like a hotel room. Almost no creases in the sheets and quilt. Although I don’t think they’ll need the quilt, in this ‘above average weather’. I loved quoting people. Especially stupid ones.
I sighed and walked into the next bedroom. That was used not too long ago. Taylor Swift, my bestie, used it a few days ago when she toured here. She changed her mind and came to Adelaide after all. She had been here every time she toured, we had become epic friends. We had a massive party, had guys over. I almost slept with someone until I realised what I was doing. I was so drunk it wasn’t funny. Thank god I came around, I would have lost my virginity if I hadn’t. My friends came over, brought their boyfriends and danced until morning light. Taytay gave me free tickets to one of her sold-out concerts, backstage passes and side stage allowance for another and I even went on stage for one. She was singing her song 22, I was the one that said “who’s Taylor Swift anyway?” it was pretty scary in front of thousands of people, I still did it though.
Heh, they go through a whole heap of shit to get here. They go through paparazzi and a sea of fans to get into a hotel. They go to a random room that faces the road and wave to the fans. They then run downstairs, out the back door, into an inconspicuous car and on their way here. I am so glad One Direction didn’t come here last year. They are so full of themselves and act like dicks on stage. Girls want to meet them and marry them, I think that I am better off with them not even knowing who I am.
Well, that’s my opinion on the group of 1D. I also hate Justin Bieber with a passion, he is such an arse. The Wanted are epic, so is Taylor Swift. The Collective have taken the world by storm, it’s amazing. They deserve it. They’re the reason that 1D are going into the stage of *long whistle… ka-boom*.
I finished cleaning up that room and walked downstairs. Everything seemed clean, I looked at the pool. And nodded to myself. Good idea Codie! I grabbed my white iPhone with a blue back (yes, they took the iPod gen 5 and turned it into an iPhone model) and texted to my four best friends.
To; Elysse XP:
Hey Dracula. Pool party! C ya l8r
To; Clarisse ‘Payne’:
Yello Falls. Surprise pool party. Byes for now
To; Amelie ‘Styles’:
Hellooo Witherspoon. Time for a dunk in the pool. :P
To; ‘Booker’:
Hey Jamie, bring your bikini and towel, pool party!
Elysse’s name was really hard to spell, so I modified it to a face. Clarisse loved Liam Payne, not as much anymore, but she had a soft spot for him. Amelie used to like Harry Styles, she’s moved on, but I haven’t bothered to change my contacts. Jamie got her nickname from a sleepover when we were 14. We had to become a character and do make-up for it. She was so smart, so we put her as a book, and she is so pretty as well. She looked like a hooker, we squashed the two words together and she became a book hooker, a booker.
I remember that sleepover so well. I was a pixie, Elysse was a vampire, Clarisse was a waterfall (don’t ask), and Amelie was a celebrity. I was a pixie because my dark blonde hair was perfectly fairytale-ish with my blue eyes. Elysse was a vampire because of her dark hair and her mysterious and really freaky side of personality (only sometimes). Clarisse was a waterfall because her green eyes with brown flecks looked like moss and her dyed bleach blonde hair had blue tips. Amelie was a celebrity because she is practically perfect in every way.
That is also how we got our nicknames, Dracula, Falls, Witherspoon and Booker. Mine’s-
*sci-fi sound* I checked my phone, that was my message tone.
From; ‘Booker’:
Hey Tinkerbelle, I got everyone in the car and we’re on our way. Catch ya in a minute
Yes, my nickname is Tinkerbelle. They always said I looked like her, I never understood. My eyes are in proportion with the rest of my head, my eyes are blue, and my hair is dark blonde, not blondy blonde.
Not two minutes later a red, convertible buggy drove into my driveway. The brakes squealed as did I. I ran out the front door in my bikini, bad mistake, but my car was in danger. “Dude, my Ferrari is right there” Booker’s car was, legit, 2 centimetres away from my fluoro blue Ferrari. I loved my car more than anything in the world, but I would be completely stuffed if it broke down in the middle of nowhere with no mobile reception. After I hugged my car and talked to it I stood up and scolded Jamie.
“Dude what the f*ck do you think you were doing? You were speeding to get here and then you almost crashed into my car. If you did bro, you would pay for a new one and then I would personally hunt you down and hang your head on my wall.” My friends knew about my passion for my car, they were perfectly fine and knew that I didn’t mean the paying for the car part. They also knew I meant the killing them though. Jamie shrugged it off, ran inside and jumped straight into the pool.
I growled, scowled and hissed at her when I caught up. Yes I was a complete weirdo, but I was the best at what I do. “Hey, Elysse, where’s Benji?” I asked he went everywhere with her, after they got together I have never seen them apart.
“I broke up with him last night”
“What?!” the rest of my friends and I screamed at the exact same time.
“You two are like perfect together though” Amelie slid to her side and hugged her.
“I thought so too, until I found him naked in his house with some other chick, also naked may I add. I shouted to him ‘you f***ing prick, were finished’ then I walked out of his house, got in my car and drove home. After I got there I told Mum what had happened, we got a bit tipsy. I took a bottle of vodka to my room, drank all of it and regretted it deeply when I woke up the next morning. I completely forgot about how much of a dick Benji was and moved on. You should see how many messages he’s left me.” She reached for her bag while trying to stay in the pool, she eventually got it. There were, legit, 123 messages from him. He is such an idiot, he wrote so many saying, ‘I am so sorry’ or my personal favourite, ‘it’s not what it looks like’.
I shook my head, “I am so going to reply to this one.” She said tapping on my favourite message and replied with this, ‘right, so you weren’t actually f*cking that chick? Yeah right, whatever you say, DICK’. Elysse: 10000000, Benji: -1000.
I love my friends. We let no one’s judgement get our way or in our heads. I have only ever had three boyfriends. I have no idea how I scored them though, they were all the hottest guys in school. My first guy was called Guy (I know, gay name right? No offence if you are actually gay, I mean you no harm.), second dude was named Dedge (another terrible name) and my last BF was named Botay (he is not from Australia.). All of them were ‘amazing’, they all ‘loved’ me, until I wouldn’t sleep with them. Then they all became pricks.
Well, this is Elysse’s moment to shine, not mine. I put my hand up, speechless but wanting a high-five. She smiled and slapped my hand so hard it felt like it was going to fall off. That was a massive mistake, note to self, don’t high-five Elyse EVER again, take 534. I have counted all the times I have ever high-five failed Elysse.
A cold shiver ran down my spine. I looked at the time on Elysse’s phone, 11:11. I grabbed my wet hand, dried it in a second and rubbed the clock. “Dude. What are you doing?”
“Getting some good luck.” I took my hand away from her phone and relaxed, loving the feeling of having a rhetorical 24 hours of luck.
“Hey, Tinkerbelle, that’s only for the morning. It’s now technically 23:11”
“Technically 23:12” I shouted into Jamie’s face. I jumped out of the pool and walked around with swagger. I had just shut my smartest friend down. She looked star-struck, I was amazing at comebacks. That one wasn’t too hard, I had just read the time, but hey, who cares. I poked my tongue out at her, grabbed my towel and walked into the kitchen. I shouted into the pool room, “who wants a cruiser?” I got four yesses. I grabbed five Vodka cruisers. A blueberry one for me, a raspberry one for Amelie and Elysse (I swear they were Elysse’s favourite because they looked like blood, she always denied it. I never believed her) I got an orange one for Jamie and a tropical for Clarisse.
We smashed the drinks and had another eight rounds before it was 12 and we were changed into trackies and hoodies. They were totally drunk, so I let them stay the night, saying they had to leave first thing tomorrow because we had guests. They nodded, probably not grasping reality right now. We went upstairs and crashed on the floor. We didn’t make it to a bed. It was actually really comfy.
***
I woke up on the floor, my back and head were killing me. Man, last night was really chill, how did I get so smashed? I got the song we came to smash in my head, I changed the lyrics though. We came to smash, in a black bikini. Well, whatever. I got up off the ground, if you call lifting your head a millimetre getting up. I did when I was that drunk. My head started throbbing. I had a small hangover, nothing major. I wasn’t puking all over the place, so it was something I could push through. Elysse was up in the kitchen cooking something that smelt like pancakes.
She skipped into the room, she never had a hangover, no matter how smashed she got. She probably did after she had that bottle of straight vodka though. “Morning ladies” she said in a happy go lucky voice.
“I am not a lady, I do not belong to pleasure people” nothing I said was making sense,
“Alright then. Morning girlies!” she said in a high-pitched voice. It practically broke my ears. I put my hand over them and also covered my eyes. Light, I’m melting, I’m melting!
I let my headache pass and got up for food. I got into the kitchen after the rest of my friends. I am not sure what all of their faces were for. I looked into the bowl. I near puked, how could something smell like pancakes when it looked that disgusting. It looked like Elysse had gotten out of bed, found a dog shit and went, ‘that looks like a good breakfast food’.
“What is that?” I pointed at the food making a face like Figaro Pho. I was scared to hear her answer.
“I’m actually not sure” she said stabbing it with a fork.
I decided to pass breakfast, after that any food within the hour made me want to puke. We cleaned up the glass bottles, they got their bikinis, got in Booker’s little red car and drove off. Elysse was appointed driver because she was the most sober out of us all.
I walked into my room and thought about what clothes to put on. It was going to be a long day, way too long.