When I'm Gone

Kate's POV

I walk into Olivia's room to see Dottie and five gentleman that I have no idea who they are, they're all facing Olivia, I'm sure she has them eating out of their hands.

“Hey! I'm back, I got your favorite kit-kat bars in the vending machine!” I shout out and see him turn. “Louis?” I ask, shit its all of One Direction.

“Kate.” He seems just as surprised as I am. I swear I could see, I think Zayn, wink at me, like he know's something I don't.

“Do you know them mommy?” I turn my attention to my sweet Olivia. Or Livie as her dad used to call her, it's too hard for me to call her that. It doesn't bother me other people call her that, I just can't.

“Um, I know that one.” I point to Louis. “I met him on the plane I took to get here.” I make brief eye contact with Louis and notice Zayn behind him giving Louis a slight nudge. So I'm already assuming he knows about me.

“He's got long hair.” She continues to color.

“He does.” I laugh along with everyone else in the room.

“Well I must get going, whenever you gentleman want to switch rooms, let me know and we can figure out where to go.” Dottie pats my shoulder and walks out.

“So, how old are you Olivia?” Harry sits down on the edge of her bed.

“Three. How old are you?” She asks.

“Old. I'm 21.” He smiles.

“My mommy's older.” I love the honesty of a three year old, they all look at me for confirmation.

“That I am.” I nod and smile, its not like I'm 60. Twenty-three isn't old.

After an hour, Olivia was tired. She kept trying to keep up with conversation but I know she was struggling. The guys must have noticed too because when Harry suggested they say goodbye, they all quickly agreed.

I pulled the covers over Olivia and hand her her most favorite small stuffed elephant she's named Hammie and give her a kiss. She's already fallen asleep but I'm staying with her so I grab a hospital blanket and snuggle up on the couch with a book.

A knock at the door startles me and I see Louis' face appear in the crack. “Can I come in?” He asks and I nod.

He quietly shuts the door and walks in adjusting his mask. They're a pain but they're necessary so Olivia doesn't get any more sick. Her immune system is weak from the transplant.

“So, we meet again.” He sits down in the chair next to me.

“I guess we do.” I'm sure he's more surprised then I am. I didn't think we'd meet again, I'm just sure he's surprised we met in a hospital.

“So, tell me about Olivia?” He asks a little nervous.

I take a deep breath. I don't like people identifying Olivia as sick. People immediately feel sorry for her and I hate the look of pity.

“I'm assuming you don't mean, what's her favorite color?” He nods, that's why I don't tell people she's sick, they treat her differently when they know. “Well, she's sick. She has cancer, specifically, Neuroblastoma.” I look at him to read his expression, it's sad but I continue with my story. “About seven months after James' died I was living with my parents and Olivia had woken up for the day and she was just crying. I didn't know what to do so I just assumed she was getting teeth, I gave her tynenol and she fell asleep. When she woke up she was still upset so I just dealt with it. When my mom got home from work she didn't know what to do either so we waited. When Oliva woke up the next morning I fed her breakfast and stood her up in the living room and she just instantly collapsed. I tried again and she fell over and over again. Olivia had been walking for eight months so I was just terrified.” I pause and wipe tears away from my eyes. I could talk about James' death almost easily but when it came to Olivia being sick, it was hard.

“So what happened?” Louis interrupts my thoughts.

“I called my mom and we took her to the ER, they admitted her right away and drew blood, hooked her up to an IV to give her pain meds and fluids. The pain meds made her sleepy so they took the chance to run CAT scans and MRI's. It was like worse then when I found out James' had died. A mothers worst nightmare. My baby was sick and I couldn't do anything to help her. The next day the doctor came in with a whole team of doctors and nurses and I knew it wasn't good. He told me to sit down and I wasn't very nice to him, I told him I just wanted to know what was wrong with Olivia. He told me that Olivia had clusters of tumors all along her spinal chord. That's why she was affecting her walking. They were going to do surgery the next morning but because of the location of the tumors and because their was so many they wouldn't be able to get them all. It's hard with childhood cancer because by the time they're diagnosed the cancer has usually spread. They gave her a 30% chance of survival. So after surgery, they officially diagnosed her with Neuroblastoma and started right away putting in a Chemo port and starting chemotherapy. Every week for four months. Then the radiation. But this cancer is aggressive and they couldn't stop it all.”

“So why are you here?” He asks.

“The doctors in the US said we had exhausted all of our resources. The could keep doing chemo and radiation but the tumors were still growing in places that they couldn't reach. When they did another surgery to try to get them removed, the cancer had spread. They found a bone marrow match here in London so I jumped at the chance to try to help her.”

“I'm just speechless.” He leans back in his chair obviously shaken from my admission.

“It's a tough pill to swallow.” I tell him twiddling my thumbs.

We sit in silence for a while, avoiding eye contact. When I finally look at him I see tears in his eyes.

“Oh, Louis, don't cry. Please don't.” I plead with him.

“I just, I just can't believe you've been through all of this. It's not fair.” I scoot over to him and pull him in for a hug.

“I know it's not, but these are the cards I've been dealt.” I try not to get so upset about everything anymore. It doesn't do anything but make me worry and get me upset.

“How are you not upset?” He asks. I don't take offense, I know he didn't mean it to be rude.

“I cried a lot at first. Chemotherapy is nasty, it made Olivia sick no matter what they did with it. And she had it every week, just when she was starting to get better she would have another session. Radiation is painful. I cried myself to sleep every night. But that's not what Olivia needs, she doesn't need someone who will cry. She needs her mom who will make her laugh and play with her, try take her mind off things. I wasn't doing anything to help her when I cried.” It's the truth. I nervously tuck my hair behind my ears and avoid his face. I just don't want to see that look. I've had enough of that look to last me a life time.

A knock at the door interrupts us, Zayn peeks his head in, “Hey mate, I'm going to head out, you coming?” He asks.

“Um, no I'm going to stay a little bit longer. Thanks though.” Louis and Zayn meet eye contact and Zayn nods, acknowledging me and then dips out.

“You don't have to stay here. I won't be upset if you leave. Being in this room, wearing the gloves and the mask is never usually a good time for people.” I tell him honestly. I don't want him to feel pity enough to stay here.

“I want to stay here. Do you ever leave?” He looks around the room.

“I do. At seven, Dottie gets off work and she sits with Olivia, all the meds make Olivia really sleepy so she's usually out by then, I go home and shower, get some clothes for the next day and I usually come back around 10 or 11 to sleep on this couch.” I pat the couch trying to be funny.

“When can she leave?”

“It depends when her white blood cell count is up again. They don't want to run the risk of her getting sick because her body might not be able to defend against it so they keep her here as long as possible. The doctors said to plan for at least a week.”

“So you're just going to stay here for a week?” He looks a little shocked.

“I would stay in hell for eternity for my daughter to live a happy, cancer free life, so this hospital room is nothing compared to what she's going through.” I know my stern voice and tone might be scary but it's the truth. I would do anything to keep what's left of my family here on earth.

Notes

So I know a lot of you are probably upset about Olivia's diagnosis, but I'm hoping I explained it a little more in this chapter. Childhood cancer is very sad, this story is not easy for me to write, but I just couldn't stay away from it when I thought of it. I have a Niall and a Zayn story that I kept trying to write but this one just kept coming back into my mind and I couldn't stay away.

That being said, I really hope you enjoy this story. It will tug at your heartstrings. And their are parts of this story where you probably won't like me at all, but I hope you continue to read.

THANK YOU so much to everyone who has voted, subscribed, and viewed. It's been up for less then 72 hours and it's gotten such a great response. It makes me happy to know that my hard work is being appreciated by so many.

Thoughts on this chapter? Questions? Let me know, I'm super nice, I promise. :)

Happy Saturday.

xoxox