Louis' POV

“What about this one?” I hold up yet another dress for Eleanor to chose from.

“Not the pink one, the cut is off.” She looks away and I toss the dress off to the side.

“Well, El, I don't know what dress you want, you have to pick soon though we're going to be late to our own party.” I sit on the bed to tie my dress shoes.

“Well it's OUR party. No one will care if we're late.” She rolls her eyes and walks back into her closet.

I let out all the breath in my lungs. Is this really what I want?

Tonight is our engagement party. We've been engaged for a year but never had the time or schedule to have a party. I never told El about the night I had with Kate but that doesn't mean I can't think about it. I find myself looking for her whenever we go out. I turn my head if I ever hear someone say the name Kate. I do a double take for every black SUV I see when we're out for a drive. It's overwhelming.

After talking to Harry he convinced me to back off and let her deal with her. To stay with Eleanor and see where things go. I was a little broken from everything so I went with it.

Proposing to Eleanor was something I felt like I should do. It was difficult to walk away from Kate but I like to think she walked away from me. She cut me off. When she moved to the States she changed her number. And Dottie wouldn't give it to me. She said it wouldn't be fair.

And now we have just a few months until we walk down the isle. My family is happy, fans are happy, El is happy, the guys are happy, I just haven't decided if I'm happy. Sometimes I think that because I made this decision that I'll have to live with it, I'll learn to be happy with it.

“Louis!” I snap out of my thoughts and see El standing there in a teal dress. “I think this is the one. What do you think?” She looks down and smiles.

“Beautiful babe.” I smile. “Shall we go?” I stand and pull the legs of my dress pants down, holding out my arm for her to take as we descend down the steps.

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“So you ready for this?” Niall takes a sip of his beer and looks at me.

“Oh yeah. Totally.” I lie.

“Liar. I know you pretty well Louis, I know when you're lying.” He calls me out right away. Of course he can.

“What do you want me to say Niall?”

“You miss her don't you?” He leans in just a little closer to me as if to muffle his voice so others wouldn't hear.

“Kate?” He nods. “I really do. She changed her number. I don't even know if she's back in London. I've driven past her house almost every chance I can and I see no hint of her anywhere. It's just crazy how I knew her for only two months and it's been a year, I still can't go an hour without thinking about her.”

“Well are you just going to give up then?” He probes.

“I'm getting married Niall. I can't even find Kate.”

“You're not married yet Lou. Look a little harder. Don't leave everything up to fate and chance.” He pats me on the back.

“How?” I swear I thought of every place to look and I can't come up with anything.

“What about twitter? Have you checked to see if she's hinted at anything?”

I shake my head. “Her tweets have been few and far between, the times suggest anything.” I think of how I check her twitter constantly, even if I'm following her, I'm always checking to see if she's online or if she's favoring anything just to feel closer to her.

“Have you knocked on her door?” Simple.

“I did once, no one answered. I drive by quite a bit, I've never seen a for sale sign or rent sign, no moving trucks, it's like she disappeared from the face of the planet.”

“But she didn't. You just need to look harder. You know where she was going.” He act like it's so easy, like I can just find out anything.

“What can I do if I even do find her? I'm engaged Niall. And I know where she went but I know she's not there anymore.” I stress the word engaged.

“Like I said, you're not married yet Louis. It's not too late. You find her and I'm sure you'll know. I mean it's been a year since you've seen her and your still thinking about her, even if you deny it, I know you are. Their is a reason that you can't get her out of your head.”

“Thanks mate.” I bump his shoulder. “Just wish I could fucking figure it out.”

“You will. You'll run into her again.” He stands up and walks away leaving his empty beer bottle behind.

I lean back on the couch and watch everyone. Eleanor laughing at something funny Sophia must have said. Liam stuck to Sophia's side. He's really in love with her. I remember his heartache when him and Danielle broke up, he was lost. Then Sophia came back into his life and he was done. Then there's Zayn and Perrie. Just a perfect fit for each other. Always smiling and hugging each other.

All these couples and you can literally see their happiness. Their smiles, the way they look at each other. I just don't feel lit right now with Eleanor. Maybe it will come back. We've been together for so long I'm hoping we're just in a rut. We never have sex anymore. And it's not just because of what happened with Kate, I try to engage Eleanor, and she just flat out refuses.

She's so organized with this wedding. If it were up to her we'd get married tomorrow but I wanted to wait a while. I talked her into waiting a little over a year. A year for my feelings for her to grow and intensify, but as of right now, nothing. I'm just going through the motions with her.

I used to just think about El and smile, I couldn't get her out of my head. Now it's filled with Kate. This beautiful woman with a broken life. I don't even know where she is, I have no way of finding her, but I'm going to start looking.

Then I'll decided.

Decide between the woman that currently holds my heart, Kate, or the woman who holds the spot next to me in bed, Eleanor.

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Every week since Kate left, I've gone to visit the children's ward of the hospital. As long as we weren't gone away for work or on tour, I was there to visit.

Dottie and I have become great friends. Just friends. I usually only visit when she's working, we go out to lunch and make a day out of it. She listens to my problems with Eleanor, tries to put positive twists on everything. She never brings up Kate. She's Kate's friend, I know they still talk. I've interrupted her a few times on the phone with her. Dot gets quiet and turns her body away from me, that's how I know.

I hop up the steps to the third floor, eager to get away from the bridzillia known as Eleanor. Scan my pass code to open up the floor and quietly walk to the desk to see what's new today on the floor. I'm here so much they've given me a card to get into the floor so I wouldn't have to buzz all the time. Today I've brought coloring books and crayons. We're having a coloring party in the main room.

“Hey Dot. How's the day?” I ask hopping up on the counter to sit.

“OH, Louis. Hi.” She's nervous. Eyes darting around as if to look for things.

“Hello.” I nod almost to acknowledge the awkward situation.

“What are you doing today?” She asks.

“We talked yesterday, the coloring party.” I furrow my brows, why doesn't she understand this?

“Okay Dottie, I'll just pop down to first floor to take care of all of these.” I turn my head so fast it's close to popping off.

“Kate?” My voice cracking under pressure that I've never felt. Our eyes lock and I feel that cement in my stomach. Everything just stops.

“Louis.” She whispers, just hardly able to hear it. And all the feelings come rushing back as I watch her gather her things and rush out.

“When did she get back?” I turn to interrogate Dottie.

“Louis.” She takes a deep breath. “She's been back for a few weeks now.

“A few weeks?! And you just wern't going to tell me?” I spit out, angry.

“She didn't want me to tell you! You two put me in an awkward situation!” I know we have, I just wanted information about her. I missed her.

“Well what is she doing here?” I ask, gathering my stuff.

“She comes in and helps pay for people's medical bills. She knows how expensive cancer can be and how some people can't afford to pay so she pays it for them.” Of course she does, why wouldn't she be the nicest person ever.

“I'm going after her.” I smack my hand on the counter. “I need to speak to her.” I yell over my shoulder.

“Good luck!” Dottie rings out and I wave my hand without turning around to acknowledge her, running off to see if I can catch up with Kate.

I rush to the elevators, pushing the button frantically but not one comes up so I rush to the stairwell to the main floor, just in time to see Kate's black SUV driving off.

Notes

Ahh Louis. Always faced with the dilemma of his choices.

Overslept just a bit this morning, so somewhat later of an update. Hope you all enjoy it!

xoxoxxo