When I'm Gone

Kate's POV

Louis came to visit almost every day for the week we were in the hospital. I never asked him to, he would just show up. Olivia loved it, he would bring her things like dolls, coloring books, and candy. He played barbies with her, helped her dress her “babies”, and of course color pictures. It literally made my heart melt. I couldn't help but think that this is what James would do if he was here.

Olivia was strong. Two days after her bone marrow transplant she wanted to go outside and play. She wanted to run laps around the hospital but of course she couldn't. However, when she got her IV taken out there was almost no stopping her. She was weak though, so she did have to stop and rest quite a bit. It gave us plenty of time to FaceTime with my parents and James' parents which Olivia always loved to do.

We came home yesterday. Olivia was so excited to see her toys at home and sleep in her princess bed. It was only a princess bed because it had pink sheets but she loved it and that's all that mattered to me.

It was the first day we didn't see Louis. Olivia had missed him of course. Not that I was looking to date, and I knew Louis was taken, but I was always afraid of having her get close to a male figure that wasn't already family, because people can leave easily. She was young when James had died, I never had to explain it to her, she didn't understand, but if Louis became attached and if Louis left, I would have to explain it. I just didn't want to have to do that.

Today, we just decided to lounge around. Olivia wanted to swim in the pool so we had decided after breakfast and a little relaxing time that's what we would do. It helped when you had an indoor pool.

“Mommy, can Louis come over?” Olivia asked.

“Oh I don't think so honey, he has to work.” Slight lie, I mean I'm sure he has better things to do then hang out with us all day. He's spent so much time with us lately that I think he just needs a break. Oddly enough we've exchanged numbers, but I have yet to tell him our last name. I don't know why, he knows so much about my life yet it hasn’t come up so I haven't shared. I think I'm afraid that if I do say it, he'll google it and then know anything. My life was publicized quickly when James died and that's another reason I moved to London, people didn't know me. I like that.

I was interrupted by Olivia. “Mommy, your phone!” She points to it buzzing on the counter. I look at it and actually smile, but catch myself quickly.

Hey, you guys busy today? It was from Louis. I actually feel butterflies in my stomach but keep reminding me he's taken. Happily taken.

Just getting ready for a quick swim, then Disney day! You? I cheerfully text him back. I wait patiently but I see he's already read it and quickly responds.

Absolutely nothing. Care if I join you two? I look up at Olivia whose quickly eating her cereal, knowing she wanted to see him today so I accept.

Feel free to join! Olivia would love to see you. I can't do this. I pause myself, I can't get too excited. My god, I would be getting feelings for someone who is practically married.

Great, where do you live, where are we swimming at? He asks, I have a good feeling my secrets will be out sooner then I would have liked.

49 Holland Park. Our house, come whenever.

“Olivia! Guess what?” I interrupt our silence.

“What mommy?”

“Louis is coming over!” I'm cheerful, I'm always trying to be cheerful around Olivia. She's instantly excited, dropping her spoon in her bowl with a clink and turning to me.

“He is?” She practically shouts. “I have to get my swim suit on. He can meet us in the pool!” She jumps off her chair and runs up stairs. I love when she gets excited.

Louis arrives a half an hour later with Niall in tow.

“Hey guys, come on in.” I gesture them inside. “The pool is downstairs. I just have to finish getting Olivia ready. You can change in the bathrooms down the hall or the dressing rooms downstairs.” I inform them and can't help but notice their reactions from the house. They're not poor gentleman by any means but this house is quite grand and show stopping.

“I love your house.” Niall looks around at the two story grand entrance. “You own all four floors?”

“Um yeah, make yourselves at home, I have some snacks in the kitchen through there if you're hungry.” I tell them over my shoulder as I jet up the steps.

I race up the steps to help Olivia into her swim suit and we meet the guys on the ground floor.

Swimming really does take its toll on you. Especially if your three years old with cancer. After not even an hour Olivia couldn't take it anymore and was falling asleep practically in the water. I drug her out, dried her off as best as I could and laid her in her bed for some much needed rest. It's hard to tell a three year old, whose suppose to take it easy, to actually take it easy.

“So can I ask you a personal question?” Niall sits on the couch to my left. I already know what he's going to ask me. At least I hope they won't treat me any differently.

“Shoot.” I tell him preparing myself not to get shocked.

“How can you afford all this?” He gestures his hands around. “Not trying to be rude but houses in Holland park are expensive and you own a detached four story home.”

“Oh I know, houses are expensive. And, to be honest, I came into quite a bit of money a few years back so that's how.” I shrug my shoulders.

“Fair enough.” He smiles and returns to the movie we started. I can't remember which one, something with Denzel Washington, Chris Pine, and trains.

That might be the first time I've officially dodged this question. As far as I know it will be happening again though.

“Hey, what's your last name? I've realized I've never asked.” Louis' words interrupt my thoughts.

“Tayzen.” And now it's out. He can google the crap out of me and find out everything.

Notes

So Olivia's doing better! Yay!!

Anyone see Kate trying to let go of her feelings a little bit? Trying to push them out of her mind? More will be explained in the next chapter as to why she doesn't want to reveal her least name.

Monday. Bleh.

xoxox