Then you came along.
Fix you.
Harry’s POV.
I was lying on what felt like a bed of clouds. It was a bed actually and it wasn’t the couch, which made this sleep one of the best ones I had in a long time.I began to flutter my eyes open to see Marley sitting up next to where I was laying. We were in her bed and my body felt like 11 different trucks had hit it.
“Fuck.” I gasped out when I took a deep breath in and realizing how truly painful it was.
“I imagine your body probably hurts very much Haz.” She said. And she called me Haz; she must have talked to Louis about my nickname. She also didn’t look too pleased.
“It does.” I replied with a midst of guilt knowing she basically had to take care of me like a newborn baby.
“Here, take these and drink all of this.” She said as she leaned over me to the bedside table to grab a bottle of ibuprofen and a bottle of pedialite and handing it to me.
I took the medicine and took sips of the drink that I had never had before. I looked back at her and she was lost in her journal again, writing her soul onto paper. Writing things she ‘wasn’t ready to admit out loud yet.’ She really was beautiful, she was even more beautiful to me now that after everything that had happened with us the past couple of days, she is still here with me. Making sure I’m okay.
“Your Mom called. I told her you would call her as soon as you woke up.” She told me snapping me away from my thoughts. I grabbed me phone and dialed Mum’s number. It rang for a bit till it went to voicemail.
“Hey Mum, it’s Harry. Uhm…I’m sorry for worrying you so much. Made some pretty lousy decisions last night and I know I stressed everyone out more than I ever should. I’m fine now, just woke up from the best nap ever and I’m here with Marley who took care of me. Pretty lucky to have her here.” I said into the phone while looking at my now decided girl of my dreams. “Anyway, call me back when you get this. I love you Mum. “ then I ended the message and ended the call.
“I meant what I said earlier when I was washing your hair, you can’t pull shit like this anymore. It’s selfish and scary for everyone. “ she told me as she closed her journal and stared at her hands.
“You’re right, it is very selfish of me and I was very scared when I couldn’t breathe.” I admitted.
“Not just scary for you Harry, for everyone. I came home and Eleanor looked like she was going to have a mental breakdown from taking care of you.” She scolded me.
“You didn’t have a mental breakdown though..” I told her as I placed my hand on her knee.
“Only because I know how to deal in that situation exactly. Don’t think I wasn’t freaking out. I genuinely thought you were going to stop breathing at one point Harry. That’s so fucked up. Don’t do that shit to me. “ She admitted into her hands which were now holding her head.
“Why does it matter anyway? I mean, thank you for taking care of me. I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I wish you had seen me that way. But why were you so afraid?” I asked her needing to know the extent of her affection.
Marley’s POV.
What part didn’t he understand? The part where he almost died on my bathroom floor. Doesn’t he know what that would have done to me?
“Why does it matter anyway? I mean, thank you for taking care of me. I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I wish you had seen me that way. But why were you so afraid?” he asked me waiting for my real answer.
Surprise. I genuinely care. Fuck.
“Because I don’t want to lose you! JESUS. Is that what you wanted to hear?! That I still really care. A LOT MORE THAN I SHOULD.” I was now yelling and my eyes started watering. “I hated seeing you like that. And then when you fell asleep, all I started thinking about was how many times have you been alone during one of those panic attacks, how scared you were.”
Flood gates have officially opened.
“ I don’t want to lose you. I hate fighting with you and I hate that you told El and Lou about My dad. But I care about you so much.” My confession continued and it wasn’t stopping. My face as covered in salt water and all I felt was Harry wiping my eyes.
“How can you manage to be the biggest asshole in the world and still be so charming to me? I should have met Niall first; he’s the safe choice when it comes between you two. He’s the gentle one. And all you have done Harry is taken me on the biggest fucking emotional roller coaster I have ever been on. And I’m sick of it and I’m so sad and tired and drained from everything but you make me so happy. This whole thing is so fucked up. You are so fucked up. But I am too. How does that make us any good for each other? Tell me. “ I took a deep breath. We sat in silence and I stared at him and his watery eyes.
“Because Marley, you make me want to do things I have never done before. You make me want to stop drinking, you make me want to talk to my Mum more and tell her how I much I love her. You make me smile and laugh and think and you challenge me, believe me or not. But you make me want to be better and if that isn’t good reason for you then okay. But I don’t want to be with anyone else and my life was working out just fine. The band was doing great things. Publicity was where it needed to be. I had my ‘romantic interest’ lined up for the season. I had my one-night stands here and there and women lining up to meet me and do things with me. Then you came along and changed all of that. “he breathed out as I stared at him processing the words he had just told me.
I cried harder. I felt like he was now scolding me.
"Well, I'm sorry then. I'll leave your life alone if that's what you want." I yelled back.
“For fucks sake, why wouldn’t I want to be with someone like you?! Marley, you literally just took care of me. You fucking bathed me and watched me cry and you fixed it. I want to take care of you." He said before I put my hand up to tell him to stop talking. I wasn't ready for him to admit he had these kind of feelings for me.
"Just think about it.” He finished before slowly getting up and sorely walking to the restroom.
I still can’t manage to process why I was this person for him.I can’t fix him, I can’t even fix myself. Why was he so stuck on the idea that I could?
I was lying on what felt like a bed of clouds. It was a bed actually and it wasn’t the couch, which made this sleep one of the best ones I had in a long time.I began to flutter my eyes open to see Marley sitting up next to where I was laying. We were in her bed and my body felt like 11 different trucks had hit it.
“Fuck.” I gasped out when I took a deep breath in and realizing how truly painful it was.
“I imagine your body probably hurts very much Haz.” She said. And she called me Haz; she must have talked to Louis about my nickname. She also didn’t look too pleased.
“It does.” I replied with a midst of guilt knowing she basically had to take care of me like a newborn baby.
“Here, take these and drink all of this.” She said as she leaned over me to the bedside table to grab a bottle of ibuprofen and a bottle of pedialite and handing it to me.
I took the medicine and took sips of the drink that I had never had before. I looked back at her and she was lost in her journal again, writing her soul onto paper. Writing things she ‘wasn’t ready to admit out loud yet.’ She really was beautiful, she was even more beautiful to me now that after everything that had happened with us the past couple of days, she is still here with me. Making sure I’m okay.
“Your Mom called. I told her you would call her as soon as you woke up.” She told me snapping me away from my thoughts. I grabbed me phone and dialed Mum’s number. It rang for a bit till it went to voicemail.
“Hey Mum, it’s Harry. Uhm…I’m sorry for worrying you so much. Made some pretty lousy decisions last night and I know I stressed everyone out more than I ever should. I’m fine now, just woke up from the best nap ever and I’m here with Marley who took care of me. Pretty lucky to have her here.” I said into the phone while looking at my now decided girl of my dreams. “Anyway, call me back when you get this. I love you Mum. “ then I ended the message and ended the call.
“I meant what I said earlier when I was washing your hair, you can’t pull shit like this anymore. It’s selfish and scary for everyone. “ she told me as she closed her journal and stared at her hands.
“You’re right, it is very selfish of me and I was very scared when I couldn’t breathe.” I admitted.
“Not just scary for you Harry, for everyone. I came home and Eleanor looked like she was going to have a mental breakdown from taking care of you.” She scolded me.
“You didn’t have a mental breakdown though..” I told her as I placed my hand on her knee.
“Only because I know how to deal in that situation exactly. Don’t think I wasn’t freaking out. I genuinely thought you were going to stop breathing at one point Harry. That’s so fucked up. Don’t do that shit to me. “ She admitted into her hands which were now holding her head.
“Why does it matter anyway? I mean, thank you for taking care of me. I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I wish you had seen me that way. But why were you so afraid?” I asked her needing to know the extent of her affection.
Marley’s POV.
What part didn’t he understand? The part where he almost died on my bathroom floor. Doesn’t he know what that would have done to me?
“Why does it matter anyway? I mean, thank you for taking care of me. I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I wish you had seen me that way. But why were you so afraid?” he asked me waiting for my real answer.
Surprise. I genuinely care. Fuck.
“Because I don’t want to lose you! JESUS. Is that what you wanted to hear?! That I still really care. A LOT MORE THAN I SHOULD.” I was now yelling and my eyes started watering. “I hated seeing you like that. And then when you fell asleep, all I started thinking about was how many times have you been alone during one of those panic attacks, how scared you were.”
Flood gates have officially opened.
“ I don’t want to lose you. I hate fighting with you and I hate that you told El and Lou about My dad. But I care about you so much.” My confession continued and it wasn’t stopping. My face as covered in salt water and all I felt was Harry wiping my eyes.
“How can you manage to be the biggest asshole in the world and still be so charming to me? I should have met Niall first; he’s the safe choice when it comes between you two. He’s the gentle one. And all you have done Harry is taken me on the biggest fucking emotional roller coaster I have ever been on. And I’m sick of it and I’m so sad and tired and drained from everything but you make me so happy. This whole thing is so fucked up. You are so fucked up. But I am too. How does that make us any good for each other? Tell me. “ I took a deep breath. We sat in silence and I stared at him and his watery eyes.
“Because Marley, you make me want to do things I have never done before. You make me want to stop drinking, you make me want to talk to my Mum more and tell her how I much I love her. You make me smile and laugh and think and you challenge me, believe me or not. But you make me want to be better and if that isn’t good reason for you then okay. But I don’t want to be with anyone else and my life was working out just fine. The band was doing great things. Publicity was where it needed to be. I had my ‘romantic interest’ lined up for the season. I had my one-night stands here and there and women lining up to meet me and do things with me. Then you came along and changed all of that. “he breathed out as I stared at him processing the words he had just told me.
I cried harder. I felt like he was now scolding me.
"Well, I'm sorry then. I'll leave your life alone if that's what you want." I yelled back.
“For fucks sake, why wouldn’t I want to be with someone like you?! Marley, you literally just took care of me. You fucking bathed me and watched me cry and you fixed it. I want to take care of you." He said before I put my hand up to tell him to stop talking. I wasn't ready for him to admit he had these kind of feelings for me.
"Just think about it.” He finished before slowly getting up and sorely walking to the restroom.
I still can’t manage to process why I was this person for him.I can’t fix him, I can’t even fix myself. Why was he so stuck on the idea that I could?
Notes
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I am so sorry for your loss I know what it's like and I hon can say that with time it will get better. And the best way is to surround our self with friends, family and just talk about the wonderful memories you had with your father. It's what I did when my grandma passed away and when my grandfather passed away as well. Don forgot your have people that care for you and will listen when you need to talk. Never shut your self out because doing that will make it worse. So please take your time and if you ever need time to vent anything out I am here for you.
3/1/15