I couldn't move, I was just stone, my heart hurts, why??
why I'm feeling pain??why I'm crying?? Why It hurts so bad??
I hate the answer, it was a yes deep down...
I just needed to go, to escape to disappear...
All I could do was to turn away, all my body feels numb.
A hand touched my shoulder and I shivered from the touch.
"hey it's you again!" He said, from my back.
" you came here with birdy right?...are you okay Rosa!?"his voice seemed worried.
I couldn't turn to him, I couldn't breath...great it's the exact time that I haven't got any plans for.
He just came to face me, putting his hands under my chin, dragging it up so I had to face him.
His eyes widened.my eyes were rainy I knew that and simply I couldn't breath...
Just like that, my life is this much silly, just like that, it can end with in a simple moment.
" I'm going to take you out now, just hold on to me."he said gripping my chest from my right side pushing me to his side so he could catch me if I was about to fall.
I think it was that obvious... I could close my eyes and just sleep, now not sure how much I wanted to wake up after that...
He passed the crowd, it's like he knows the building, he found a place that was almost like a balcony and I was about to cry, birdy should be at his side, not me!!!
where was she?
"Okay, sit??are you feeling any better?!"He asked while kneeling down in front of me searching for my eyes, the eyes that didn't want to look at him.
" I'm fine, go to your girlfriend." I said he should be there, I think I'm about to cry, good he'll go and I'll cry...
"what??!!" He snapped, looking surprised.
"oh don't play with me harry!! Birdy is my friend!best friend!!you knew her house from the beginning right?!!" Oh my god, I'm just realizing new things, I hate it, hate him!
"why you played with me from the start!?you walked me for hours when you knew the place!!??" I almost shouted, not caring what other's may think, but what about birdy??
I lowered my voice, hitting his chest, I couldn't help it so I broke down, I was crying and my body, trembling.
He put his arms around me, hugging me tightly.
"shsh...shsh... it's okay, I got you and birdy...she isn't my girlfriend...she is a friend..."
I pushed him back to look at him, so he wasn't her Darcy?!
so all those feelings were just...I can't look at his face.
It's embarrassing, I'm embarrassing...
He holds me again, patting my shoulders, rubbing it.
"just a friend...a good one Rosa, she can't be my girlfriend when I'm having my eyes on someone else!"
what?is this some kind of joke!
" I knew the house rose." I frown and he brings both hands up to show he is innocent, maybe I should let him continue before I act embarrassing, again...
" I wanted to know you better, um you hadn't realized who I was yet, do you know how that feels?? I felt...normal...I wanted to buy time to feel normal..."He said looking down, breaking our eye contact.
Normal?? But..
" I know you are mad at me rose but in our profession being defined just as normal, it's perfect,hard to earn!!... perfect that people see you as just a normal guy..."he stopped, looking into my eyes again.
why I'm not angry??that was probably a bad idea, but it was a fun day after all...
I could normally breathe again, it was odd, I normally just get better with medication but his presence just made me forget...
"tell me about the girl you like." I said looking into his eyes.
" I can show her to you."he locked his hand around my bare shoulders still kneeling down, he brought me closer.
" yeah... show me." I said, holding his gaze.
he looked at my eyes then lips, linking his lower lip he brought his eyes up again to meet mine.
I could stop time right here, it scared me to death though...
The fact that I didn't want life in a second, that I just wished I was dead, then a second later all I wanted was to hold on to the strings, fighting it back harder, not letting go...
not letting him go...
My whole body was on fire...
Fire was his eyes...
Fire was his touch...
Fire was his lips...
it happened again, our lips crushing, this time harder, deeper, more desperate, I was begging it to take care of me, to cure me...to cure the heart at least...and it was like he was afraid to let go...
" I won't let you leave this time without promising you'll be back..." I said breaking the kiss as I breathed in.
" I'm not going anywhere... promise."his voice was shaky.
His words?they gave me peace courage to dream higher,
to want this...
Want the air...
Want me...
want him...
Want the new chance...
The new chapter that was coming to me...
Wanting to be safe...

Notes

.............................
sometimes wanting to be safe...
is all that a person can ask for...
**** **** *** **** **** ***
A heart to give...
knowing it's going to be safe and sound... But the main question is that, will it??Be safe??!
..........................................................
hi you loving ppl out there!!
Hope u liked it;)
luv ya...
Xoxo

A.M