Half a Heart

Mama's funeral was a couple days after we shut the machine off, and now I was packing her stuff in boxes and giving it away the only thing of her's I kept was her use to be wedding ring, her jelwery box and a recent photo of us. I had given my two weeks notice to the manger of the apartments and had been busy packing up. It wasn't easy considering I didn't want the boys or Elenour to help me, this was something I had to do on my own I looked around to my now vacant room and thought about all the times I cried myslef to sleep,all the times that I had tried to commit suicide but never had the guts to go through with it and all the times I spent alone dreaming about a future that was better than my present life, how I would never see that considreing I dropped out of high school and was taking classes to get my G.E.D. ( General Education Diploma.) I loaded all my stuff into the car Elenour graciously blessed me with and the last thing I did was take Oreo and put him in the car, as I got in the car I looked back on my old life and kissed it goodbye because a head of me was a difficult journey and I had to face it sometime. I drove across town to the new apartment..well house that Elenour had bought for us to live in, it was just down the road from the boys house's so if I ever needed anything they were just a couple of steps away. Since I was prego I couldn't model until my stomach was swollen to the size of a watermelon so while the boys were at school and El was modeling it was just me and oreo home alone. I got out my laptop and checked my twitter seeings how it had been a month since I was on it last and I saw that I had tons of direct messages and notifications, when I opened my notifications up I saw that I had become the laughing stock of the school and just thinking about that made my stomach turn. So many conversation about me some saying stuff like: "did you hear Kristin got rapped and now she is pregers" and others saying "no I don't think she was rapped I think she sold herself to those five guys and got knocked up and the cover story is she got rapped" I was crying right now but I contiued to scroll through and another one popped up "did you hear Kristin's mom died?" "yea I feel sorry for the mom if my daughter went and got knocked up then I would commit suicide too" I closed out of my notifications and went to direct messages and what did I see pictures of me pregnant, well the belly was photo shopped in but still, I also saw pictures of people cutting themselves other messages told me to go kill myself becuase I was nothing to society. That's when my depression started, this was going to be a long pregnancy. I know I should have stopped reading my messages and notifications but I couldn't stop and most of them thought I was the boy's slave and that they got me knocked up, oh gosh were they made fun of at school because of me? Did people ask them if I was there slave? Did they ask how their baby's mama was doing? I felt physically sick by this time and had to make a run to the batheroom, after I was done I sat by the toliet crying and just letting all the built up tears out, everything that had happened to me was built up inside and right then I felt all of it leave and made me feel better but then I went back to what my fellow classmates were saying and how they told me to kill myself. I stood up weak due to all the crying I just felt drained of emotion, I took my glass toothbrush holder and broke it I got the biggest sharpest piece and started cutting my wrist and after I was done I washed the wounds and wrapped my wrist with guaze and headed to my bed to lay down for a nap. A couple of days later I was at the mall trying to get maturnity clothes when I saw a couple of girls from my school past by and then they were coming towards me, I thought "hear we go" but they didn't say anything they just pulled their phones out and click they had taken a picture of me and now were walking out laughing at me and I felt the hot tears so I just through all the clothes I had picked up at the clerck and ran out past the stores and crowds of people, past the group of kids I use to go to school with and straight to my car. Once inside I sat there and cried, I was getting so tired of crying all the time becuase people thought that it was funny because I was pregnant and they had know idea what happened they just assumed that it was the boy's fault. I sat there for a good thirty minutes before I started home Zayn,Liam,Louis,Harry, and Niall would be there and I didn't want them to know I was crying and what those girls had done. As I walked in I heard sceaming and yelling upstairs in the room we made a game room, I ran upstairs and saw what I didn't want to see Zayn had Niall by the collar of his shirt and had his fist back like he was ready to strik at any moment. Elenour was trying to get Zayn off of Niall but was unsucessful, "Zayn don't!! what are you doing to Niall and please don't tell me your just playing because it doesn't look that way at all." "Kristin I thought you were at the mall?" "I was but I got tired and dicided to come home now why are going to hit Niall?" he didn't answer me and Louis looked at me "Niall broke the one rule" "what rule?" "the rule Zayn gave us..that you were off limits that you were his girl and Niall broke that and not only said you were his to a bunch of girls that asked about you but he said that baby your carrying is his too" "that's why i'm going to bet this son of..." "hey stop I know your angry but hitting Niall is not going to fix anything now is it your just going to hurt him and then he's never going to forgive you" everybody was looking at me now so I contiued my speech " I'm so tired of people fighting for me and I'm tired people are fighting because of me I never wanted this and I got it just like I got this baby I never asked for but you know what I'm not going to let this baby know that I was rapped by a couple of guys and that I ended up getting pregnant. stop fighting because I'm tired of it i'm tired of you guys getting made fun of becuase of me and Elenour I'm tired of having you take care of me meaning bill wise you bought this house you bought me a car and I don't feel to good about that I want to support myself or at least you guys help me but fighting isn't going to help me right about now. So please just stop" I through my hands to my side and ran down to my room slaming the door and locking it...*knock* "Kristin, please open the door I'm sorry I upset you please let me in" Zayn was begging me but I just told him to go away "i'm not going anywhere if I have to sit by this door then I will" I just ingorned him and went to my batheroom. I was tired of this life I didn't want to burden anybody else so I filled the tub up with water and got undressed, getting in I turned the water on so that it kept running, I put my head underwater and let fate happen.
Zayn's P.O.V, I heard running water and it didn't turn off so I was getting a little worried about Kristin so I tried to get in and I couldn't so I smashed the door in and discovered the carpet was starting to get wet by the batheroom. I tried to open the batheroom door and couldn't I realized what she was trying to do and I yelled up at the boys and Elenour I told her to call 911 and while I said that I took my foot and broke the door down seeing Kristin in the tub face underwater lifeless I quickly pulled her out wrapped her in a towel and rushed her to her bed where I started CPR. She wasn't responding "come on Kristin breathe for me please breathe, you can't leave me not now..please" the boys came running in with Elenour close on their heels they saw Kristin lifeless and me doing CPR "ELenour did you call 911?" "yes there on their way Zayn just keep doing CPR on her don't give up" "do you think I'm that stupid El, I never would give up on this girl..I love her to much to lose." I was still doing CPR until she coughed and then she was breathing, she still wasn't opening her eyes and that worried me but ELenour got her some sweats and a shirt and I dressed her when I went to put the shirt on I looked at her wrist and I saw it. Scars from cuts, how long had she been doing this? I just kissed her wrist and finished dressing her the medics had arrived and put her on a stretcher and carried her out I volunteered to ride with her and the boys rode with Elenour. While on the way to the hospital she woke up and looked around she was confused and then she saw me..why didn't you just let me die Zayn?" "because then you would leave me and I wouldn't have anything to live for now would I" she just looked at me and then fell back asleep I kissed her forhead and whispered to her softly so she could only hear "I love you" when we arrived at the hospital they took her to the E.R. and checked her out, she was ran through a lot of different machines and then finally the doctor came in after three hours of waiting. " Hello im doctor Thomas and I'll be going over your tests with you" she looked down at her papers and started to speak " were you trying to kill yourself or was it on accident?" "it was on purpose" Kristin said while putting her head down " you know if you weren't saved when you were 2 more minutes and you would have been brain dead and there's no helping someone who is brain dead, but your here and what I want to know and I'm sure your friends would like to know to is why did you do it?" "I did it because I was sick of life ,my mom just died I just found out I was pregnant by guys who rapped me and on top of that i'm the laughing stock of my high school that I dropped out of" I looked at the boys and they looked terrfied back at me, how did Kristin know that everybody was making fun of her and us for that matter? She looked at me and then eveybody else "I got on my twitter the other day well I had messages that told I was nothing to just go kill yourself then I had notifications and saw that people were talking about me and you guys and I wanted it to end" she looked down and I just took her hand and told her " don't listen to what they say you are the most sweetest girl I know aside from Elenour, but they don't know what really happened and they'll never know because they never will listen but you don't have to commit suicide remember you have a baby and no matter what I'll be here heck i'll take responsiblity for it and become it's father but you need to stay away from anyone that goes to that school." she smiled at me and the doctor told us she was free to go so I picked her up and carried her out bridal style to elenour's car.
Kristin's P.O.V. It had been a month since my little inciddent and since then I hadn't tried anything the boys were beside me and so was Elenour she was helping me get clothes for myself and if we were at the mall and kids started to laugh at me she would say something to make them feel bad about what they were saying. I had my three month check in at the doctors and the baby was healthy and growing proporly, but something was up with the boys and know one was saying anything to me about it. It was our movie night and the boys had come over to see Into the Storm but as they walked in I could feel slow rising tension between them and me, I paused the movie and heard a lot of protest from them but ingored that."Okay what is going on that you guys aren't telling me?" I looked around the room and all their heads hit the floor even El's I was getting irratated at them "WHAT IS IT, SOMEBODY BETTER START TALKING OR I'M WALKING OUT OF THIS HOUSE" Zayn looked from me to the boys and back to me "Krsitin the boys and I signed up for the X-Factor and we have to leave in a couple of weeks" I couldn't believe what I was hearing they had signed up for something and wasn't going to tell me about it. "when were you guys going to tell me after you were alread there? or not at all" Harry stood up "we were going to tell you but not until closer to time for us to leave....we didn't want you upset" "so you thought hiding it I wouldn't be upset? That makes it so much worse you guys were wrong I would've been proud and told you to go but no you thought" I got up off the couch " see that's were you guys mess up at you think actually you over think and now look i'm mad at you guys for not telling me" "were sorry Kristin we didn't think you'd want us to do this" "why wouldn't I" "because were doing it for you..were going to win that money to help you with the baby that's all" "really, why would you do that for me and the baby?" Zayn took my hand "becuase love your apart of our family and we support our family and were not going to let you down with this baby were going to help you take care of it, your not alone love." "ok then well we better take them shopping El if we want them to look presentable" she smiled at me and nodded in agreement "we shall take them shopping then"

Notes

hope you like it so far