6 months later…

I did the right thing…and it all went wrong. Thinking back I tried to find that pivotal moment where I could have chosen differently. Of course I'm talking about Liam and Harry. But what I thought was my 'happily ever after' was actually the tornado that took me out of Kansas. I wanted to follow my heart but how to do that when it was divided; so I listened to my head and did what any good person would deem honorable.

I didn't see Harry again until I had purposely gone to say goodbye to Lilah. I decided to head back to San Francisco a week earlier. But before I could go on, I wanted to cut the ties between Harrry and I…for good. I couldn't go back to my apartment thinking about two men any longer.

I was glad to see Lilah doing better and talking about Louis less now that she knew they weren't getting back together. Louis did manage to talk with her that night at the party but it ended ugly; we took that as our cue to leave.

I hadn't seen Harry in my visit with Lilah yet. It wasn't until I had asked that she told me he was in his room. So I valiantly, or ignorantly, went and knocked on his door.

"Yeah?"

I walked in hoping it wasn't a bad time, "Hey."

"Oh hey. I didn't know you were coming over," he smiled as he was working at his desk.

He wore thin framed glasses I had never seen before. It might not have been the best time since he was typing away at his laptop and had dozens of papers spread out on his desk.

"You're busy, huh? I should've called," I said fiddling with my fingers.

"No, you're good. Come in," he swiftly removed his glasses and placed them on the desk while gliding his chair closer to the bed so that I could sit.

"I came to say goodbye, I'm leaving tomorrow."

Grinning, he slowly nodded knowing more than he led on.

"Why do you always do that?!" I asked in wonder.

"What's that?"

"You always smile like that, like if you didn't believe me."

"Oh, I believe you. But I know that's not the only reason why you're here," he said cocking his head.

"Okay, then I'll get straight to it…I don't know how to just be friends with you. It doesn't work for us."

"Because we're not meant to be 'just friends', Brynn. Just like when we first met. There will always be something strong between us that will either keep us together or be miserable apart."

"Then if you believed that so much why did you date that other girl? Why did you break up with me?" Wow! I really dove right into it, didn't I?

"You really want to start this right now?" his smile faded as he began to look frustrated.

"Yes!"

"How many times do I have to tell you? That was my BIGGEST mistake, Brynn!" Harry got up and began to paced around.

"You keep saying that but you never give me a reason."

"You want to know what was really going through my head…have you ever been so confused about something that you literally can't decide what is right?" he said kneeling right in front of me.

"Yes." More than he could imagine.

"I was more confused about my feelings for you than my fictitious feelings for Marley. I used her as an excuse. While I was crazy about you, I often wondered if what we had…was real or not."

"Like a fling? I don't understand. You didn't think what we had was real?"

"This is not coming out like I want it to."

"Then just say it!" I crossed my arms.

"I'm not perfect, Brynn! I thought I was a decent guy but now I see I could've done things a lot different...better. Everything about us...it was fun and exciting, there were no rules. When I was in Hawaii, I thought the only way I could be there for those 4 years was if you were there with me. I wasn't thinking straight. I wasn't thinking about pulling you away from your family and friends. What does that say about me?"

"I would've come, but YOU began to pull away."

"Right. I did let Marley's words get to me. I thought I could justify the crazy idea if I proposed or something and she stopped me dead in my tracks and told me I wasn't being realistic. The way she put it, it made me feel like I was being unfair to you... You didn't even know what you wanted to do after high school then…"

"I didn't care at that moment."

"Exactly! But look at what you've accomplished now!"

"But you helped inspire me..."

"What do you want from me, Brynn? Why did you really come here if you're so happy with Liam?"

"I came for answers."

"Why? Answers to what?"

"On how to forget you, because I don't know how…and I need to if I'm going to be completely happy with him."

Harry jumped to his feet and turned to give me his back. He placed his hands on his waist and I heard him sigh in great frustration. He then took a few steps holding his hands above his head as though he too were searching for answers.

"I can't tell you that, Brynn," he turned around with an appearance of defeat.

I nodded. I wish I could just hate him; it would make things so much easier.

"You're right, I shouldn't have come. I don't really know why I'm here," I stood up to head for the door.

"Because you still love me, Brynn…admit it."

"I can't Harry. I'm with Liam and this isn't fair to him."

"No, what's not fair is you not telling him how you really feel!"

"Are you serious?! He saved me. He helped me get over you. Except you never go away! And now he's in a dangerous country and I'm here. I'm the jerk, torn between what I feel for him and …you."

"So we're not even going to be friends then?" he asked sternly.

"I can't…not anymore. So please don't call me again."

I was trying to fight back the tears that kept accumulating behind my eyes. It was so powerful I began to feel myself shake. My last words would be easier said than done. I NEEDED to move on but I didn't WANT to. How could this guy hold such an affect over me; what had begun as a cute game of kissing evolved into this disaster.

I watched Harry as I kept stalling for the door. He refused to look at me and I understood why. I put the blame on him when I was the bad guy here; loving two people.

"I'm sorry,'" I whispered as the water works came rolling down.

"Brynn, wait…"

I turned around with delicate streams cascading down my face. Harry held my face close, his hands covering my cheeks; using his thumbs to wipe away my tears. He pressed his forehead against mine, but unlike last time I trusted that he wouldn't do anything. And if he did…well I would deal with the consequences later.

"Brynn, I love you. I love you. I should have fought harder. I should have never left," he whispered rapidly.

"I can't do this," I sobbed subtly.

"I don't want to let you go, Brynn…but you're not mine anymore. And I won't be that guy that kisses another man's girl; no matter how much I want to," his voice began to crack.

My hands held on to his wrists. I hated this feeling of knowing that I'd never see him again.

"Bye Harry."

I remembered that was the last time I had ever spoken or seen him. I stuck to my guns and wanted to honor Liam. Back at school I was doing good, not poor or excellent, just good. I honestly wasn't happy. Meanwhile Liam and I wrote each other back and forth for months. But I had quite the scare when I hadn't heard from him in over 8 weeks. I thought something terrible had happened.

After that little gap of silence I was pleasantly surprised to hear that a couple of men in his unit had returned; including Liam. I thought it was perfect, now I could focus solely on this one amazing man. But the Liam that I knew wasn't the same guy that came back.

I should've seen the subtle changes in his letters, they were different than his first two. They were colder and shorter; just like his first visit. He hardly looked at me, and when I tried to hold his hand or cuddle he seemed uncomfortable. I thought he was serious before but I didn't even know what to call this. His silence was a mystery to me. All I desired was to listen and be there for him, but I felt unwanted.

---

Kevin was on an important phone call and made sure to sit next to me once he hung up. When he did, he rubbed his forehead struggling to find the words. He told me that what Liam was going through severe PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I still couldn't understand how he could change so much only in a matter of months. But what I didn't know was two of his closest friends in his camp had gotten killed; their Humvee blew up behind his.

How to handle that? All I was told was to be patient. It's now been a month since he's been back. Although I got to take a week off from school I knowingly had to go back. I hoped to at least talk with Liam over the phone but he never seemed completely into the conversation. I felt like everything I said was so trivial compared to the brutal experience he went through.

I called every day, if I was lucky I got to speak with him a little every other. Now that I was back again, with my chef certificate, I looked forward to visiting him more. Louis was still in Egypt and would return in 3 months, while Janet was supposed to visit in the beginning of July.

I had settled into the loft and slowly made it mine, adding a few personal touches here and there. As promised, I became the pastry chef at Zayn's restaurant. And as life would have it, there can never be a time where all areas are in sync; this time my career, my family and friends were all well aligned while my love life suffered. But I wouldn't give up.

---

A few more months passed, but even Janet found it hard to accept Liam's strange distance. Often times I went to pick Liam up so he could stay at my apartment; his First Sergeant even encouraged me to. He said it could help him subtly adapt back to the swing of things, normal life. But if I'm honest, this was getting to be burdensome and too much for a 19 year old girl like myself to handle.

I heard my mom talking to Kevin about how she didn't like Liam staying with me, for the obvious reasons, but also because it was just too much to deal with on my own. I missed my Liam. I missed all the affection and sweet things he did. I knew he was trying but I still cried in secret. I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I didn't want him to feel worse than he already did. And just when I thought my heart couldn't bear anymore…life kept happening.

Months ago, when I last spoke with Lilah, she mentioned that Harry had gone back to Alaska to continue his research. She didn't know much about either. Then yesterday when I got home from work, I found a large manila envelope folded in my mailbox; it was sent from Long Beach. I tore the package as I went upstairs and pulled out a Science Journal magazine.

I thought you might like to see this. Miss you, Lilah.

I took off my shoes and threw my purse and keys on the counter as I made my way towards the den. There was a yellow Post-It sticking out, so naturally I turned there. The first thing I saw was a picture of a beautiful looking coral; it was purple, pink and white. Kind of like a 'mother of pearl' tone.

Next I saw a small head shot of Harry, his hair was long and tucked behind his ears; just when his image had become a blur. I was intrigued to know what this was about and thankfully Lilah already highlighted the section she wanted me to read.

Young Marine Biologist, Harry Styles, discovers a rare coral species not too far from the Alaskan coast. This lucky graduate happened to be in the wrong place at the right time… in a recent interview with Mr. Styles, when asked what name he would christen the coral he claimed to call it Brynn's Pearl. This has to be the most significant time of this young man's life and career as he was asked to join one of NOAA's environmental labs in Seattle, Washington...


"Brynn's Pearl?!"

Notes

The song More Than This, was a huge inspiration for the conversation between Harry and Brynn. I hope you felt those emotions :)

As for what's happening to Liam, I can only say, I'm writing from personal experience of behaviors I've witnessed.

So what do you think?

Last chapter is next week. :/