My Faults

Alrighty. Where do I begin? It has been a year since I've been on here. I had sorta phased out of the whole fanfiction phase. But.. I guess, I missed writing this story for you guys. I rememeber you were all so supportive of me and maybe today you will be too.. or whenever you come across my story again.

So.. this is what happened:

In August last year I had made my first tumblr account to reblog things personal to me. There was no particular theme, just anything that I fancied or liked went onto my tumblr. Time passed slowly, I gained plenty of followers and one of them, I really did take an interest too. In my life, as all of our lives, I had experienced many puppy love crushes, all the weird cliches where I crushed on my bully... all that silly stuff. And so, when I saw this one person who took interest in the things I blogged about, it caught my attention. We spoke here and there, both a little afraid of each other. Now, at that point, I thought to myself, "Oh great, here we go again, another stupid crush coming up." And yes, it was quite stupid because I was crushing over someone I had met briefly over the internet. Our modern day societal mishaps begin here. -.-

Funnily enough, we did start to talk to each other more frequently, four days before his little sister's birthday had occurred in late September. We had grown close very quickly and we discovered so many similarities that we had. Soon enough, we started emailing and had longer conversations, more deeper things to talk about. He told me about his past and I told him about mine. We stayed up to the late hours of night, through to the early hours of morn to speak to each other. And still... neither of us realised why we did it. It was just.. instinct to us, I suppose.

On the 24th of October, he finally admitted to me that he had feelings for me. Something that neither of us understood. He always thought he wouldn't find anyone and I always believed he wouldn't take interest in me, the way I did to him. And from then on, something different and new entered my life. It was love. It's cheesy, I know... but I, like many other youths my age, had been abused since I was 4. I didn't know what love was like. I was always bullied, always judged. No one really cared about the real me. I had to learn to be someone else for everybody else. But at that moment, when I knew he sincerely had feelings for me... it was more than enough for me to feel scared and excited and happy and on the verge of crying because heck, someone who only knew my personality and had never seen the way I looked, loved me.

I still think to this day that perhaps no one should label that beginning stage as "love". Maybe it's a strong temperament of liking someone? Perhaps that's what it was.

My birthday was nearing in December and we were both really happy and things had been fluffy and sweet. We learnt a lot more about each other, we could tell instantly what one another was feeling. It was something unknown to me, something really new for me to experience and adjust to. But I loved every waking moment, the anticipation I felt to say good morning to him and ask if he slept well and the goodbyes just before he left for his part time job and his college classes. I finally sent a picture of what I looked like, I was so scared he'd be disgusted of me... but he went a bit crazy over me and kept saying that he wanted to kiss me, hahaha.

This person brought a different person out of its shell. I was genuinely happy. Or happier, I should say. Because my friends at school made me feel happy everyday. The laughter and excitement... all of that, I swear, I was really happy. And this? It made me a better person. I'm a religious girl and he makes me feel more connected to God. That is how sweet and kind he is. He is so different from the usual guys I've seen. The media has influenced us and made us believe that guys are dickheads and they'll never truly be satisfied with one girl.

Wrong.

This guy made me believe otherwise. I promise you, be patient, don't go looking for love.. things like these take time. Love will open its door for you.

Here's the sad part. My parents found out about him. His parents found out about me. He lives in Pakistan. I live in Australia. My parents beat me up. His father belted him till he couldn't walk. We suffered. 5 days after the melodrama of it all... it was the 24th of December - signifying 2 months of being together. It still makes me wonder why, after a short period of time being together, why he went through that shit for me? And why did I for him? We could've let each other go. This could've been a fling not worth the physical pain.

But he stayed. And so did I. For three more months, we mended our relationship, we became stronger. There were days where I would shut people out. I remember crying for a complete month, every waking moment was spent crying, every night was filled with nightmares and tears. I still don't know why he affected me so much. I guess.. I got more attached to him, I really loved him a lot. He's my first and I wanted to save myself for the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

In all honesty, I already know that he's the one. I'm mature for my age and I'm not a stupid girl. I think about a lot of outcomes and possibilities. I know what is good for me and what is bad and I certainly know when to let go of people who will make my life go down the drain.

There will always be guilt that I made him suffer. He still has the belting scars on his back. He says that when he sees them, he smiles and thanks the Lord that he met me. Because he knows he wouldn't have been able to face this pain if it were for another girl. He tells me from time to time that he never expected someone as "beautiful" as me (that's his words) to choose someone simple like him. And he feels honoured that I stayed with him despite all the pain I went through too.

Argh.... I could go on and on and further explain the complications keeping our families so strict and separated.. but that would bore you all. This must've been a cheesy read. Some of you may think it's fake... but this is my reason why I had to leave. I had to deactivate this account and my gmail that I was talking to him with and my tumblr. My parents are very strict and don't want me using social media which I think is ridiculous because I don't do stupid things online. This relationship that I got into isn't hurting anyone, so I don't get why they're so fussed. I understand that they thought he "wasn't real" but I think I'm smart enough to tell someone apart from being a fake and from a genuine person. I mean it when I say I can deduce things properly and make the right choices. Staying with him is one of them. It's risky and dangerous but I believe with enough time, effort and patience... our plans will go forth and he'll finish his study in London, then come over here to Australia. He always says he will speak to my parents for my hand in marriage.... I'll just have to see if his feelings will remain intact. I don't hope too much... and I've prepared myself for the worst. I thank God that I was able to meet someone who accepted me as who I am and hopefully, good things will happen soon.

On a positive note, his mother loves me very much and thinks I'm cute and can't wait to invite me with open arms as her new daughter... hehehe, she's a darling. ^_^ And it's the 24th of August so... 10 months together now. :D We're still going strong. <3

We celebrated his birthday in April this year; he's 19. And I'm turning 17 very soon in December. :D I think our age gap is alright. xD


Hahahaha, anyway, I hope you guys understand the dilemma I was in and still in. But I'm back now, I'm excited to update this story soon and hopefully write new stories too.

Notes

Thanks for your time. ^_^ <3