My Faults

Valerie’s P.O.V.

As we sat in the waiting area in the medical clinic, I leaned my head against Zayn’s shoulder, watching Louis’ feet as he paced back and forth in front of us; occasionally moving out of the way for the elderly. I huffed as the minutes ticked by slowly. Too slowly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Robbie’s door open with Max walking out. My breath hitched as he strolled down the corridor, making eye contact with me. I forced myself to look away and pressed my face into Zayn’s shoulder. I heard him mumble unsuspiciously, “That’s the bastard, isn’t it? Bald top, aye?” I nodded slightly against him. I peeked out at the wrong moment. Right when he’s walking in front of us. I felt bile build up in my mouth as he gave me a smile. More like a smirk. He glanced cockily at Louis and bumped shoulders with him. I am damned. I felt Zayn’s shoulder tense up, trying to hold in his frustration. Or maybe it’s more of anger. I sighed as I looked back at Robbie’s door to see Robbie walk out. He didn’t notice us when we gave in my Medicare Card as he picked up some files from the administrator.

I watched as his face formed a look of alarm as he saw my mine. He knew I had seen his “nephew”. Max’s out to get me. The Lord sent him to punish me. I swallowed down the ever-building bile. He ruined me physically and emotionally. He won’t leave me. He won’t. He won’t. He won’t. I bit the inside of my cheek to shut out everything in my head. He walked over and spoke quietly to Louis who had his jaw clenched. After a minute or so, his shoulders went loose and he sighed heavily. He nodded quickly then looked at Zayn and I, beckoning us to follow as Robbie led the way to his office.

I stood up, wiping my hands on my high-waisted, knee-high skirt as they began to sweat due to my nervousness. It irked me that we had to see him on the first day back at the clinic. My sigh was cut short when Zayn quickly kissed my cheek before holding my hand. I looked at him confused at his random act of love. “You were zoning, Val,” he said gently. I smiled at him and followed onwards with Louis and Robbie.

When we finally settled into Robbie’s small office, I sat down with Louis while Zayn leaned against the patients’ bed. “So Valerie, I was told of recent events which occurred without my knowledge by my nephew, Max,” Robbie began. I cringed when he mentioned the sick bastard’s name. I’m seriously going to be reminded of him every time I see Robbie and every time I hear the name. I realized what I did and murmured a sorry to Robbie as he smiled warmly at me. “I should be the one apologizing, Valerie. I never knew he would revert to his old self. I suppose.. time needs time to change one’s self,” he said sympathetically. I nodded and forced somewhat of a smile. “I understand that.. what he did was out of desire so I hold no grudge against him,” I answered truthfully. “You make it sound like he killed someone,” he said in an amused tone. I remained silent then looked up from staring at my clenched fists. He let out a nervous laugh when no one responded or even reacted to his humour.

“Well,” he clapped his hands to emphasize on the word, to start off on a new note. “He’s gone now and he’s off the job permanently so no worrying about him, okay?” He asked. It was almost as though he wanted me to be okay. Well.. I am a giver.. not a taker. I smiled bright and replied, “Okie dokie! Thanks Robbie!” I replied. I genuinely smiled afterwards. Good, wasn’t too forced or effortless. I let out a silent sigh as Louis engaged in dialogue with Robbie with Zayn occasionally joining in. I sat there on the sidelines after that; allowing Robbie to do his regular check up with me. I suppose now… now I’m safe.


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We got back home later in the afternoon and said our goodbyes to Zayn. He decided to go back to his flat so he could work on a project for his photography. I smiled lightly as I watched him drive away in his old car. Louis went up to his without saying a word as I slowly followed. His door shut loud and I figured that he was quite tired of my never-ending troubles. I sighed and stopped myself from breaking down on the stairs. Rape has taken its toll on me… hasn’t it? I ran up the remaining set of stairs and rushed to my bedroom. I grabbed my towel out of the top drawer and ran into the bathroom. As I hung the towel onto one of the hooks behind the door, I let the hot water run on full blast; seeing the steam fill up the room. I shut the single bathroom window and decreased the water level slightly. Loud enough to cover my cries, quiet enough to not blow the bills. I pulled my hair out from the loose braid and set my hair band and head band on the corner shelf.

Stripping myself of my clothes, I stepped into the shower, quickly mixing the cold water with the hot. I stood there feeling stupid and outrageously weak as more tears mixed with the water droplets hitting my face. Why do I cry so often now? I huffed like I used to when I threw a tantrum at Louis. I then felt a huge urge to laugh so I released that urge. I didn’t hold back. I felt my whole body shudder as I let the water run through my hair, laughing all the while. I knew inside that somehow I would be able to let go of my problems. Somehow.. someday.. sometime… I started to frown as my laughs soon turned into sobs. What on earth is wrong with me?! I sank down to the shower’s floor and brought my knees up to my chest, sobbing into my hands. “LOUIS!” I yelled out. I sobbed harder, not being able to hear anything. The steam in the room rose and I couldn’t see anything. I struggled to breathe on the now carbon dioxide filled air. But that’s all I remember.


Louis’ P.O.V.

I lay on my bed as I felt heavy pulls of sleep overcome me. Argh.. it’s 3:47 PM. No sleeping or napping. I heard the shower turn on and I smiled slightly. A shower always makes you feel better. I blinked lazily as I stared up at the posters on my wall. I glanced at the detailed sketch on the wall beside me. It was of Kitty and I, when I was in Grade 9 while she was in 7.

She had drawn that for my 17th birthday. It was a busy day having a birthday on Christmas Eve but she managed it quite well with my quirks. I smiled even more as I ran a hand through my hair, arching my back as I let out inhumane noises while I stretched. I loosened my body and sighed in content. “Ahh, that felt good..” I murmured almost inaudibly.

Just when I felt my eyelids being weighed down my bricks, Valerie’s voice rung out in the bathroom calling out my name.

Notes

I know it's been a while... so I'm really sorry that it's short. :/ I have an assignment to finish.


On a positive note, I'm feeling a whole lot better with my head space. On and thanks to http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Member/13051/ (a great friend of mine) and http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Member/19730/ (a new reader), I'm now confident in continuing this story at my own pace and they've stopped me from deleting this story so.... hope you enjoy.