The Mysterious Guy

“Honey, do you want to come home with me or stay here?” Mom bends over to me and gives me a kiss on my cheek while I look around on my classmates or my former classmates now, right? I barely know half of these people and any less like them. But somehow I am going to miss them.

“I’ll stay”, I answer even though I don’t know why. I mean none of my friends are still here and I do not have any plans at making new ones. But it just seemed as the right answer at the moment.

“Okay, I’ll see you at home, not a minute after six, alright?”

“Alright”, I tell her and when mom is out of sight I decide to take a walk to clear my thoughts. I have to figure out what the hell that speech was and I have to think about what I am feeling regret about. But that isn’t completely true I know very well what I am regretting. Before just right before the car crash we got into a fight. I said words, awful words, I did not mean and I hate that. Suddenly the memories start to come back and I have to close my eyes hard and start counting for it to go away.

“One…two…three”, I whisper before I open my eyes and realize how thirsty I am. I also realize that I have no idea where a store can be around here. Usually after church or school I just walk straight home. I look around for someone to ask and my eyes stop on a brown haired beauty who is sitting on a stone. Even though he is sitting I can tell he is tall. He wears big black sun glasses that are covering his eyes and his hair is a little curly but I can't see that much of it because the hair is tucked into a beanie. He wears black tight jeans and a white shirt that make his abs look huge. I have to say even thought I am not a guy’s girl I am a little blown away but his hotness and suddenly I get a little nervous.

“Hi I am looking for a food store, do you know any around here?” I ask and he looks up. He puts a finger on his mouth and makes the “shhs” noise.

“Do you want an autograph or something? Please just don’t tell anyone”, he whispers with a British accent and I wrinkle my forehead. What the hell is he talking about?

“What? No I asked if you knew any shops around here that sells water”, I say and I can almost see how he puffs out.

“I don’t know, I am not from here”, he say before he hurries away. Weird, I think and decide to walk home instead. I mean the clock is almost five and it takes about half an hour to get back. On my way home I think about that weird guy. Is he mentally ill or something? I mean why would I want an autograph? And why did he disappear so quickly? The questions start flowing inside my head and get multiply every second. I almost pass my house because of it. I look at my watch, 5:45, I have never walked so slowly in my entire life.

“I am home!” I scream as I open the door. The smell of fish and chips, my favorite, embrace me and I smile when I think about all the memories I have from the times I have eaten this meal.

“We are in the kitchen”, mom screams back and suddenly I get a little nervous. That tone is never good. I take of my old sneakers and can’t wait until I can do the same with the dress. For a minute I think about walking into the bathroom and change right away back to my sweatpants. But then I remember mom’s voice and instead I walk into the kitchen where mom and dad are sitting with serious faces.

“Hi sweetie”, dad says and points for me to sit down. I do as he told and soon we are all sitting there with serious faces.

“Ever since your brother… ehm…” mom starts and I can see that she fights the tears.

“…died?”, I fill in and lay my hand on hers. She gives me a thankful smile before she returns to the serious face.

“…our relationship hasn’t been the best. It’s like whatever we do or whatever we say it just reminds us of Zac and we can’t go on like this. But for you we cannot give up either so we have decided that we will try to make it work again, try to start loving each other again during this summer. But if it doesn’t work we will have to get a divorce”, mom continues and I freeze. My mom and dad divorced? Just the thought of it makes me want to puke… or cry… or scream… or everything. I don’t know what I want to do but it just feels like my whole life is falling apart. First my brother, now them? Without even noticing I start to shake. It is not like normal nervous shaking it is serious and it doesn’t go away. Mom gets up and pulls me into a stiff hug.

“Sweetheart, we want you to know that this has nothing to do with you. This is us and we will try to make it as good for you as possible”, dad says and now I get mad.

“Are you joking? It sounds like you are not even going to try! You know what? This is bullshit, our whole family is just fake and if you don’t let your feelings out, you won’t be able to love each other. You won’t be able to love anyone! First comes the pain and then the love, you gotta start feeling”, I stop to take a break and notice that both mom and dad are looking on the table, like two kids.

“Mom, dad look at me! Do you think it is easy for me? Because it’s not and it doesn’t get any easier when you act like children. Thinking that a divorce will make you move on is just stupid, it won’t fix anything!” I don’t have any clue where the words came from but I do know that I was a little hard on them. Because it’s not easy for them either and after that little speech I will just look like a selfish little kid. But right now I really don’t care.

I run upstairs and hurry into my room where I look my door and throw myself on the bed. I wish that I would have anyone to talk to but I don’t. Zac is gone, mom and dad is the problem, Annie and Ash are the kind of girls you like in school but not outside and Vicky she is… not the Vicky I know anymore. I bury my head in my pillow and start to cry. I can’t even remember the last time I cried for real. But it is such a relief to just let it all out. It is like a big stone lifts from my shoulders.

“I miss you”, I whisper to the picture that is hanging on the wall with me, Zac and Vic. “Both of you”, I add and press my head against the pink pillow again.

Somehow I fall asleep and in the middle of the night I wake up with a huge hunger and not to talk about a disgusting taste in my mouth. I get up from my bed and walk slowly, without trying to make any noise, downstairs towards the kitchen. I open all the lockers and doors to find something to eat. After maybe five minutes I find a sandwich and I pour up some milk. Then I sit down at the kitchen table and lock up my phone. I open Instagram and before I have the time to close it, a lot of pictures of Vicky and her friends pop up. I feel the normal jealousy in my stomach and quickly I turn off my phone. I feel so lonely and all I want is someone who cares for me just as much as I care for that person. I want someone that I can call in the middle of the night and who will be there and listen to me. Without even noticing another tear falls down on my knee.

“Lil, seriously keep it together”, I whisper to myself and leave the glass of milk and the half eaten sandwich on the table. Then I go back to bed and fall into a restless sleep.

Notes