I am a mess to put it lightly. My face is bare of any of any traces of makeup, my hair is pulled into a sloppy ponytail, and I am wearing sweat pants with a random tank top and old converses. Today is August 3rd, the one day of the year that I pull out the pink scrapbook. Mom picked the color, Jason and I hated the color, but she insisted. I usually spend the whole day just looking threw the photos, laughing at some, and crying at others. And if the weather is nice, I might go visit their graves. Although I miss them, my dad is a different story. He never talks about them, he didn't even go to their funeral. It's like he thinks that if he pretends that it never happened, it'll magically disappear. Unfortunately, that's not how the world works.


"Carter!" my dad yells from downstairs. I leave my room to go downstairs. I find him sitting on the couch watching mindless television with a half empty beer in his hand. I roll my eyes.

"What?" I snap.

"Don't you get attitude with me," He stood up, swaying slightly. Great he's drunk. He made his way over to me, "Don't forget who puts a roof over your head and food on the table." He was now close enough that I was able to smell the strong scent of alcohol on his breath.

"Barely," I mumble. He pushes me into the wall and grips the side of my neck.

"Want to say that again, you ungrateful bitch!?" He raises his voice.

"No," I quietly whisper.

"What!?" He tightens his grip and his nails dig into the skin of my neck. I wince at the pain.

"No," I say louder.

"Good, now go get me beer because you didn't buy enough last time," He steps away from me and walks off mumbling 'useless'. I grab my keys from the table and glance in the mirror on my way out. There was a red hand print on the side of my neck under my left ear that would definitely bruise. I sigh and take the tie out of my hair and let it fall past my shoulders, hoping to conceal the mark. I walk out to my car and hop in to start it. As I drove I let my thoughts wonder. How are we already out? Though, he does drink it like water. The last time I restocked the liquor cabinet was two days ago, and I bought a bottle of vodka and a twelve pack of beer. If that's not enough, then I don't know what is.


I pull into the liquor store and put my car in park. I get out of my car and walk inside. The bell rings when I push the door open, and the smell of boxed wine and stale bread hits me.The clerk looks at me with sad eyes. He always seems to be working when I come in, and I come in quite often, almost four times a week, sometimes more. And the fact that I buy so much alcohol so often probably doesn't look too good. He probably thinks I am some out of control alcoholic. He is a sweet looking man and you could tell that is worn out, but that never stops him from giving everyone a smile. I grab a bottle of vodka and two bottles of tequila along with a twelve pack of beer. I set them up in the counter for him to ring them up.


"Hey Carter," He gives friendly smile.

"Hi," I give him a weak smile. One day my lunch break at my shift at Subway my dad texted my telling to pick him up some booze along with some profanity and name calling. I walked in and he saw my name tag, and that's how he knows my name. Though He never told me his name, and I never asked. He started putting the drinks in a bag. I tucked my hair behind my ear, and only when his eyes flickered from me to my neck, and he looked at me with worry, did I remember the mark.

I opened my mouth fully prepared to him some bullshit excuse when he held up his hand to stop me, "You don't have to explain."

"Thanks," I say.

"No problem, just know-" He leans in closer to me, "I'm always available to talk, you know where to find me." I give him a nod, grab the bag and walk out the door. I get in my car and put the liquor in the passenger seat. I start the car and decide not to go home just yet. I drive to the high school and park in the parking lot. I get out and walk to the forest behind the school. After about thirty minutes of walking, I finally arrive. I take off my shoes and sit down with my feet in the clear water. This river, well almost river, it's too big to be a stream and too small to be a river, has been a place where I can come to think, or just simply enjoy the peace and quiet since I was a freshman.


I am now a senior, so I have been coming her for four years. I like to come here after school to put off going home and having to face my dad. The sounds of nature and the feeling of the water running over my feet calms me. The first day of school is tomorrow, and I honestly can't wait. I get seven hours where nobody gives me a second glance. Seven hours away from the insults and the fists being thrown at me. Seven hours where I am totally invisible, which is a good thing because I have terrible social skills.


I check the time on my phone, it's seven-thirty. Wow, I have been out here thinking for almost three hours. I should probably leave now. By the time I get home it's about eight o'clock and my dad is so out of it that he doesn't even notice me come in, set the bag on the table, and go upstairs to my bedroom. I pull off my old clothes and put on my pajamas that consist of my brothers old t-shirt that comes down to mid thigh. I crawl into bed and fall asleep.

---

The next morning I am woken up with my phone blasting All Time Low. I do not want to go to school today. I turn off my alarm so I can take a shower and get dressed. When I'm done getting dressed, I look in the mirror and see that the mark on my neck did bruise. I pull out my almost empty concealer and put some on my neck. I go downstairs and hear my dad's snores coming from his bedroom. Well, at least he found his way there last night. I grab a granola bar for breakfast, and head out the door. I get in my car and drive to school. I park and walk to the school doors, knowing that nobody will notice me. I walk in the school with my head facing the ground.


I walk down the hall to my locker without making eye contact with anybody, not that anyone would pay me any attention anyway. I put my combination in and open my locker. I pull out my books for my first class and make my way to math class. How lucky am I to have math first period? So lucky. The tardy bell rings and the hallway is completely empty. I turn a corner and bump into somebody making all of my books fall to the floor.

"I-I am so sorry, I should have been looking where I was going," I tell the person while nervously picking up my books.

"It's okay, I wasn't paying attention. I'm new," I finally look up and see a guy with black hair that sweeps to the side. He is wearing a tank top with jeans, His shirt shows off his tattoo sleeve and scattered tattoos on his chest. He helps me picks up the rest of my books. We stand up and he hands the books he picked up.

"Um, Thanks," I tell him.

"No problem, I'm Kellin," He smiles and holds out his hand for me to shake.

"Carter, sorry, but I- uh, need to get to class," I ignore his hand and walk past him. That was so weird, in all of my three years of high school, the only people who have ever talked to me are the teachers. Maybe it was because he was new? Whatever it was, I'm sure it won't last, he'll get pulled in by a social group and he won't even think about me. I walk into the math class, and take a seat in the back.

"You are almost ten minutes late, Mrs. Mason," she glares, but otherwise continues the lesson. The rest of the day goes by normally, and when I am heading to my car to go home, I am stopped by someone.

"Hello again," Kellin smiles, "Listen, since your the only normal one here, why don't we hang out?" It's true, every girl dresses to show lots of skin and doesn't have very good grades. All the boys are jocks and goes to parties every day. I'm nothing like them, but I wouldn't call it 'normal'.

"I can't," I say.

His smile drops,"Why,"

"I-I have a thing," I stutter.

"A thing?" He looks at me suspiciously.

"Yeah a- um, family thing," I say and walk around him to get to my car. The whole drive home I am mentally scolding myself. 'A family thing' yeah, real believable Carter. When I get home it's three-thirty and my dad isn't home yet, no surprise there. I walk into my room, the my backpack in the corner and I pull my keyboard away from the wall. I pick up my camera and set it up in front of my keyboard. I sit down in the seat and press the record button.

---

"Hey guys, you requested for me to sing Counting Stars by One Republic. I hope you didn't mind that, like most songs, I did my own little twist on it. Alright here it is," I start playing the intro notes before singing.

(A/N: the link pops up in a different tab, so you can follow along and listen. P.S that is not how the character looks, just how she sings, how she looks is in the character list)

[Verse 1]
I see this life
Like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
In my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and ye shall find
Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
We're just doing what we're told
I feel something so right
By doing the wrong thing
I feel something so wrong
By doing the right thing
I couldn't lie, couldn't lie, couldn't lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

[Chorus:]
I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
Baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars, stars, stars

[Verse 2:]
I feel the love
And I feel it burn
Down this river every turn
Hope is our four letter word
Make that money
Watch it burn
But I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
We're just doing what we're told
I feel something so wrong
Doing the right thing
And I couldn't lie, I couldn't lie, I couldn't lie
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly

[Chorus:]
I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be, yeah
Baby, I been, been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars, stars, stars
Oh, yeah

[Bridge 4x:]
Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

Take that money
Watch it burn

[Chorus:]
I been, I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
Baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars, stars, stars

"Well thanks for watching, leave a comment telling me what song you want me to sing next Wednesday's singing video. And keep an eye out for a new calibration on Saturday. Stay beautiful," I smiled and stopped recording. I plugged my camera into my laptop and uploaded it YouTube.

Notes

What did you think? Should I continue?