Starting Over

*Liam’s POV*
I’ve been avoiding her. It’s obvious to everyone, though I’m sure that they’ve done their best to assure Samy that I’m not. She and Sophia seem to be getting on well. That’s good, I guess. Samy can get on with anyone really. She’s just so amazing. She can easily adapt to new situations and new people with ease. She’s like a chameleon. I giggle at my own comparison of Samy to a lizard. We get the show call and I make my way to the risers. I’m not sure where Samy is sitting. Hopefully, I can avoid eye contact. Tonight’s arena is slightly smaller than the others and open so we won’t be able to fly over the crowd like we normally do for Last First Kiss, Moments, and More Than This. That’s just as well though, no flying means I will have a lower chance of seeing Samy from above. We’ll only have the B stage to contend with so as long as she’s not front row center, I should be golden. I hear the music cue for Up All Night and we are shot up from the risers to the stage. It’s my favorite part. I love the sudden scream of the fans when they see us for the first time. After our first set we take our brief intermission. I made it through the first half without seeing Samy but the boys kept looking to the front row just to the left of B stage. I’m assuming that’s where she is. I’ve been too focused on making eye contact with as many fans as possible. It makes them so happy. We hop on the risers again as C’mon C’mon intros. We shoot up and I spot her almost instantly. She’s standing there dancing in her spot with that beautiful smile, looking sexy as ever, and dressed in a low cut top and tight skinny jeans with her hair down. She sees me look at her and waves shyly, though the smile is now gone from her gorgeous face and is replaced with a look of utter nervousness. I give a small wave back. God she’s beautiful. She’s alone. Chas’s not with her. She probably didn’t want to hurt me further by flaunting her new love near me. All of the emotions I’ve been trying to suppress suddenly flood back over me. Love, lust, jealousy, protectiveness, everything hits me like a ton of bricks. All I want to do is run to her but I can’t. It’s over. We’re over. Finally it’s time for my favorite song. Back For You. We originally wrote it for Perrie, Danielle, and Eleanor but since Danielle and I broke up, I can’t help but relate it to Samy. I had been hoping to sing it for her this tour. As the song starts, my eyes start to tear up. I’m not sure that I’m going to make it through the song.
I feel my voice shaking as I sing. I am meant to be going back to her. Back to Samy. My Samy. No one else. Ever. How did things get so screwed up? Oh yeh, my insecurities. My fear of being alone and forgotten. Well, my worst fears happened all because of me. I barely make it through the song before walking off stage. The boys start the next song without me. I know it’s wrong to leave them like that but I just need a moment alone. I regain my composure and walk back onstage in time to help the boys finish up the song in progress. The next song is Little Things. Shit. Now I know that I won’t be able to handle this one. It’s ok. If you cry it’ll look like you’re just emotional about the tour and stuff. You can do this. I think to myself. Here we go. I take my seat on one of the now famous glass stairs and wait for my cue.
*Samy’s POV*
Liam is crying. He has been crying and his voice has been shaky since the boys sang Back For You and then he ran off stage. I’ve been crying too. He told me before tour that every time he would sing that song this tour it would be for me. He was coming back for me, no matter what it took. Nothing was going to keep us apart. Too bad I had to ruin it. It’s time for Little Things. My heart stops. Liam used to sing this to me every night. I look up and notice him already staring at me. We lock eyes instantly as he begins to cry. It’s obvious to everyone. The tears aren’t stopping anytime soon. God I love him. I was so stupid for letting him go. I need him back. He is singing these songs for me. I can feel it.
*Liam’s POV*
We sing More Than This and I have my eyes of Samy the entire time. She needs to know that I know about Chas and that it hurts me to know she’s happy with him. That I can give her more than he can. I can give her everything. I can BE her everything. She has tears falling from her eyes, I can see them reflecting off the little lighting that there is. I have no idea why she’s crying but I know she understands. I know she understands that I’m doing all of this for her. All of these tears and songs are for her. As soon as the concert wraps up, I rush off the stage, embarrassed for my obvious display of emotion tonight. The boys approach me cautiously but ultimately grab me for a group hug.
“Liam?” that voice pierces my heart. It’s Samy.
I turn to face her with my head facing the floor. I can’t look at her right now. I’m too embarrassed. She’s got a man for crying out loud. I turn to walk off until I feel a small hand grab my wrist and a nervous voice say
“Liam James Payne, don’t you dare walk away from me”. I stop immediately, shivering slightly from her touch. “Turn around” she orders. I do as she says, still not looking at her. She walks closer to me and tilts my head up with her other hand to meet her eyes, not hard to do since she is a good 5 inches shorter than me. I pull my head away and look to the ground again refusing to let her see me so upset.
“Hey, baby, look at me” she coos. She called me baby. My heart melts and all I want to do is make love to her every time she calls me that. I finally get the nerve to meet her eyes. They’re red and puffy as well and it breaks my heart.
“Liam, why were you crying?” she questions sweetly.
“I’m not sure exactly” refusing to tell the truth.
“Bullshit Payne” she snaps back. Damn. She knows me too well. Plus, I can tell she’s not in the mood for my shitty ego tonight.
“Honestly, I was crying because I’m completely in love with you. I can’t get over you and I don’t think that I ever will. You’re the one for me. You’re it. You’re my world and my everything. I know that you have Chas and that I messed up by pushing you too fast into getting engaged. I’m sorry. I was so scared of losing you that I wanted to make sure that it would never happen. But instead of preventing it, I caused it to occur” I blurt out. I’m tired of holding everything in.
“Liam, I’m not with Chas, why would you even think that?” she asks hurt.
“I saw the pictures Samantha, it was pretty clear to everyone that you were kissing him back” I spit. Did she really think that I wouldn’t see them? My fans were the ones who took them to begin with.
“Liam, didn’t the others tell you?” she asks.
“Tell me what?” I say.
“Chas was overly happy to see me and I was upset about you. You’re all that I had been thinking about on the flights home. You were the only thing I was thinking about while I was kissing Chas. I imagined that Chas was you and so I kissed him back. I didn’t realize so many people were around. Chas and I are just friends though. Besides, he and Stephanie are dating and getting it on all the time now. Liam, it’s you. It’s always been you. Can we just forget all of this shit and be us again? Please” she says with an eye roll. I love it when she gets snippy. “Liam, tell me what you’re thinking” she pushes. I can’t speak. I’m still trying to process what she has just said. It’s always been me? I guess she takes me silence as a negative thing because before I know what’s happened, she’s running off. Tears streaming down her face.
“Samy, wait!” I yell. But it’s too late. She’s out the door and security won’t let me follow her. “Harry! Call Samy, tell her to come back, please!” I beg.
“Sure” he says. “It went straight to voicemail, mate” he says sadly.
Damnit… I just messed this relationship up… again.

Notes