Starting Over

*Liam’s POV*
What just happened? Samy just ran out of here. She didn’t even answer me. She looked terrified and broken. I have never seen her like that. I have to go find her.
“No, Liam. We’ll go” El and Perrie say as they grab my arm and pull me back.
“She needs friends right now and honestly, I’m not sure that you’re who she will want to speak to” El says as she and Perrie make their way out the door. Everyone is looking at me with sympathetic eyes. Forget this. I need air. I walk out the back door and the boys follow. No one speaks. They know that I need space but they also know that I need them there to make sure that I don’t do anything stupid.
“What went wrong?” I say out loud with tears brimming in my eyes. “I thought it was perfect. I thought she would say yes! What did I do wrong? Did I rush her?” I say looking at the guys.
“Mate, she just got divorced. She loves you. We all know it. She wants to marry you. She told El. She’s just scared” Louis says. I should have waited. The fear of the tour and being alone made me rush into this. I need to go talk to Samy. I look at the boys and Louis pulls out his phone and texts El. She immediately responds. Louis gives me a grim face.
“Liam, mate, I don’t know how to tell you this” my heart sinks, Louis is rarely this serious. “What the happened, Lou” I say through gritted teeth as I choke back more tears.
“She left, Liam. El said that she called her parents and they are flying her home for a bit. She is going to make arrangements for her classes to be completed online for now.” Yep, you’ve really done it now, Liam. This school and London were all that Samy has been looking forward to for over a year and you just ruined it for her because you were afraid of losing her. Now look what happened, you lost her anyway! I continue to beat myself up mentally for a bit until Zayn and Harry come and put their hands on my shoulders snapping me out of my trance.
“Liam, let’s go home, mate. I’ll stay with you for a few days, my flat’s being renovated anyway,” Harry says. I nod in agreement, completely ignoring the fact that Harry just invited himself to temporarily move in with me more out of his own convenient need than out of genuine concern for me. I roll me eyes, head towards the limo and climb in. The boys follow and we head home, the ring still in my hand.
I walk into my flat at 2am feeling exhausted. We leave for tour at 2pm. I know that I won’t be able to sleep until I talk to Samy. I dial her number and wait. No answer.
“Samy, it’s Liam. Please call me. I’m worried. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have rushed you, I just panicked because of the tour. I truly do love you and yes, I would love for you to marry me but if you’re not ready than I’m happy to wait. Just please don’t leave me. I need you” I hang up as the tears flow. I grab my keys and sprint out the door. I’m going to her. I don’t care if she slams the door in my face, I need to hug her one more time before I leave.
I arrive at her flat and luckily no one is outside waiting for me. I use the spare key that Samy key gave me to get in and run up to her floor. I knock on her door. After about 5 minutes there’s no answer so I knock again. Still no answer. This isn’t like Samy. Her flat is small. She would have answered by now. I unlock the door, I’ll apologize later if I have to. I throw the door open and hit the light switch. The closet doors are all wide open and her clothes are everywhere. I search the entire flat. Her suitcases, snowboard, guitar, a good amount of clothes, and all of her school materials are gone.
“NO!” I shout. She’s already gone. She must have grabbed her stuff and headed straight to the airport. I look around and notice that the giant Koala I gave her is gone as well as the locket. I search her flat looking for any flight information that I can. I’ll show up late for the tour if it means that I have a chance of getting her back. I don’t find anything. I turn to leave but I see a note taped to the back of the front door. She knows me too well. She knew I’d show up and try to fix everything like I always do. I pull it off and open it. It reads
“Liam,
I’m so sorry about tonight. I panicked. You have to understand that I have seen your temper on occasion and it scares me. That’s how my ex was when we first got engaged but he slowly changed into the evil person he is today. My heart can’t handle another broken marriage and another emotionally abusive situation. I honestly don’t think that you would ever hurt me intentionally but I can’t take any chances. I moved to London to start over and gain independence but when I met you, I felt myself putting my life on hold again. All that I could think about when you proposed was ‘yes! I’m so in love with him that this will finally be perfect. We can be happy together and I can help him with his career and support him in everything that he does.’ I felt myself losing sight of my goals already. My next thought was ‘what if he turns out to be like my ex?’ That’s not fair to you. You deserve someone who doesn’t have such emotional issues. Someone who can love and trust you the way that you love and trust them. That person is not me right now and I’m not sure when or if I will ever be able to be that person. I’m truly sorry. I’m going back to America to spent time with my parents and friends. My classes will be done from there and eventually I’ll be finding someone to rent this flat to until I’m ready to come back. Probably Fall term. I just need time. Tell the boys to keep in touch and that El and Perrie have my new number. Have fun on tour and remember to always respect and appreciate your fans, even on the days they make you crazy or life on tour has gotten too much and you’re homesick. I promise that you will find someone better for you than I was one day. Take care of yourself, I’ll be watching… I am a directioner after all. J
Love,
Samy”
I feel my legs give out as I slide to the floor in tears while I stare blankly at the letter. She just ended us. There’s no more Samy and Liam. There’s only Samantha Gheri and Liam Payne of One Direction, single again. Heartbroken, again. How could she do this to me? I propose and she says that she’s not good enough for me? She runs away to her parents? She honestly thinks that I can find someone better than her? Is she blind? Is she delusional? I sit in her apartment for a few hours longer, just staring at what used to be and praying that she will change her mind one day.

*Samy’s POV*
I’m about to board the last flight to America. It’s midnight here in London. I should be back in America by tomorrow morning. I have several layovers though because of the late hour. That’s fine. It will keep Liam from tracking me down so easily. I unlock my phone screen and send a message to the boys
Samy: “hey guys, sorry that I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. Liam is probably at my flat by now. I’m sure that he read my letter. Would someone mind checking on him? I can’t be with him, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care or that I want him to hurt himself.”
I wait for a reply that came almost immediately.
Louis: “Already here, love. He’s emotional but we’ll keep an eye on him. We miss you already”.
Samy: “Thanks, Lou. Tell the boys to have an amazing tour and that I’ll be watching. If you come to PA I’ll try to catch the show if you want. Love, Samy.”
I hit send and turn the phone off. I settle in with my iPod and get ready for the first flight of the trip home. Did I make the right decision? Who knows, but I made the decision that was right for me in the moment and that’s all that I can focus on right now.

Notes