Dreaming Of You // If I'm Still Dreaming

Next morning I woke up instinctively searching for Jeanne on the other side of the bed. As I remembered I was alone I grabbed my big pillow and threw it to the floor, raging. I wanted to speak to her, hold her and have my good morning kiss. But I was by myself in a hotel in Amsterdam, and we weren’t even allowed to smoke pot because of the Tommo. I was infuriated with him for telling such things about Jeanne to the boys, and I was furious with Niall for suggesting Jeanne had a fling on him. And to make matters worse, I was crossed because I knew I had to face my mother about the holidays. In summary, I was mad at everything, but I was confident on getting better with time, when I got used to be away from her, when the time to meet her again were closer. I didn’t enjoy being like that though, bitching everyone around except the crew, although the boys just deserved it.

I wasn’t in the mood to talk to Louis about what he was feeling, and he only seemed worried to watch the World Cup. I knew he’d become more obsessed with Jeanne––because he was––if I had told him she was a total football fan, so I kept my mouth shut. I wasn’t telling him anything anymore.

We all went to watch some games although we were out of team as freaking Uruguay had sent England home early. If that wasn’t bad enough I remembered Jeanne telling me about her former lecturer lover from there. I guess then was the moment we started to support Brazil as Niall was doing from the beginning of the tournament. Yeah, he was unable to support England. I suppose certain things never change.

I reached my tenth low talking to my mum as I had predicted. Besides her moodiness and disappointment she made me remember Johannah’s wedding on July 20, in the middle of my stay with Jeanne. How would I be able to manage everything? And mum just didn’t understand why I wanted to spend my long-awaited holidays with a stranger. But Jeanne wasn’t a stranger to me, and I was missing her badly.

I was missing her so badly I could hardly read the chapter she posted by the time we arrived to Milan. I was doing a bit better because Gemma and dad were with me and, besides, I needed to stay focused, as we were about to film the DVD. But that smut scene… Why? Why was she doing this to me? Didn’t she know she was killing me at each word? And to make things worse… Niall…

“Mate, I promise you I wasn’t jacking off,” he mumbled as I saw him coming out of the bathroom we shared with his iPad under one arm and tying his sweat pants.

I just glared at him, tossing my hands to the air, and left the room. Gemma––who was standing next to me––should have thought we were two madmen.

–.–.–

“Mum told me you met someone…” Dad reluctantly spoke as we were having a beer in a pub near the hotel. I felt as a five-year-old again at him calling her that way.

“Do you speak to mum?” I asked him, puzzled.

“Of course I do, Harry–––he patronised me. We have two children in common. That’s a very good reason to be civil.” It made sense, but I didn’t imagine they still had ‘conversations’ about us.

“I’m not a child anymore, dad, much less Gemma…” I mumbled.

“I think I’ll never be able to see you as a grown-up–––he told me, chuckling lightly. Well, probably when you get old if I’m still around to see you…” At his words I remembered Jeanne’s father and my heart narrowed inside my chest.

“Please, dad, don’t speak that way–––I groaned. I’m too young even to consider the possibility of you not being around…”

“But I just thought you weren’t a child anymore,” he joked, and I sort of glared at him, but immediately regretted it. “Well, mum is mad at you, and your sister is pretty disappointed because you haven’t talked to her about this girl.”

“I haven’t spoken about her to anybody–––I claimed. Well, just the boys, but because I can’t get rid of them.” By that time they were more in my back than ever.

“So is it a new thing or is it an old flame?” Dad asked taking a sip from his bottle.

“Probably both…” I mumbled, glancing at my thumbs ripping the beer tag. What could I say about that subject? I wasn’t very sure.

“Probably both… OK, so you are mysterious now,” he ironised.

“Come on, dad–––I complained. You know it’s not easy to speak to you about this kind of things.”

“Harry, we always speak about this…”

“You always speak about this–––I retorted. I only listen…” Dad cackled loudly. “May I just have another beer?”

“Are you turning into an alcoholic?” He mocked me. ‘No, not yet,’ I thought. ‘But don’t push me.’ “Of course you may! Look, there’s your sister!” He said pointing towards the door. I turned around to look at her.

“Daddy, Devil seed…” She cheerfully greeted us, waving her hand.

“Just drop it, Gemma…” I pleaded, flicking my hand at her.

I just had to explain them everything trying to avoid all the conflictive details. They couldn’t believe Jeanne and I had just met in Paris, so I told them we had been writing to each other for a few months. I kept away that part when I was reading her Fan Fiction because they wouldn’t understand. It has always been a bit strange even to myself. Gemma seemed quite impressed about it because I met Jeanne’s mind first, as she expressed it. Well, I had to admit it was sort of special. I knew nothing about the amazing creature I found in Paris when I began to read her stories on 2013, but I felt so drawn to her then I quit reading anything else. But we had arrived to that point when reading her had become so painful I was barely able to catch up with her updates. Meeting her had changed everything. I couldn’t remain unaffected by anything related to her anymore. And I missed her, and writing to her simply wasn’t enough.

Even in that mad state I was the boys were bold enough to inform me they had formed some sort of book club and kept commenting every detail of her story as before, when we were looking for her. And they were pretty excited because she had written something about love. I had read it too, but it was a bit too elaborated to me. Yeah, I didn’t get a thing. Zayn offered to explain it to me and I said yes just because saying no wasn't a possibility.

“What’s all this?–––Louis blurted as we sat around in my room. Praxis? Dialectic materialism? Material base superstructurised? What the heck is she talking about, Zayn?”

“Haven’t you read philosophy at all?” Zayn asked, snickering. We all shook our heads ‘no’ except Liam, who nodded but just to shake it ‘no’ a second later. “Don’t you know who Karl Marx is?”

“Yes, the commie guy who lived in England…” Liam spoke, lifting his arm to the air. So he actually knew a thing or two about philosophy. Impressive.

“That one–––Zayn asserted, nodding at Liam. Well, that’s all him.”

“Told you she was a commie,” Louis told me, elbowing me. The boys chuckled. Things weren’t starting well.

“Sexy brainiac commie…” Liam joked and Niall high fived him.

“Forget about this and let’s cut to the chase–––Zayn tried to put some order but he wasn’t as good as Stan. What does she say about love?”

“No, no, I want you to explain me all this, expert,” Louis mocked him.

“Cut the crap, Louis–––Zayn claimed. You won’t understand it anyway.” Louis flicked his hand, grimacing.

“The part where Laila contradicts you is just glorious–––Liam snapped. Is Jeanne like that? I picture her bossy I don’t know why,” he carried on all cheeky, and Louis and Niall cheered up. Zayn was already rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, as a dominatrix,” Niall observed, delighted.

“Shut up–––I grunted. And no, she’s not bossy.” Well, she sort of was, but in a relaxed way.

“I don’t know what you actually talk about–––Liam went on–––but I imagine her speaking about this sexy stuff all the time, and you just can’t reach her level, mate.” Thank you, mate.

“Yeah–––Niall patted his side. What do you talk about?”

“Yeah–––Louis followed him, pretending to be serious. How do you manage not to bore her to death?” They all laughed, even Zayn, but he was more discreet. There were my four best friends, making fun of me once again.

“You shag all the time, don’t you?” Niall hurried to say, snickering. I glimpsed away.

“Back off.”

“Yeah, they shag all the time,” Niall spoke to Liam, pointing at me. They chuckled in complicity.

“Guys, don’t make him mad–––Zayn intervened. We need him. He works with us…”

“She tells me things and I understand them–––I tried to explain, offended. And she knows it!”

“Because she speaks English. If it were for your French…” Louis ironised.

“You don’t need words to shag…” Niall retorted, gun-pointing at me as he winked. Louis and Liam made a bit of an effort to muffle a cackle.

“Harry–––Liam addressed me in a serious tone. There were some times when she said something you didn’t get while shagging. Am I right?” Where the fuck was normal Liam? I glared at him, but he was actually right. In a second I was just looking at him in disbelief. “I am. Oh, Harry!” He blurted, clapping his hands. Louis couldn’t restrain himself anymore and fell over, convulsing.

“Wait, so if she mostly speaks English during sex…” Niall mumbled confusedly. I stared at him. “It means she switches languages! I bet she uses German with the Germans!” My ears burn. “How would that sound? Does anybody know how they say ‘yes, just like that’ in German?” He carried on lightly. Louis was crying.

“Stop it!” I growled and glared at Louis, who shrugged at me from the floor. He had told them everything! Why the hell couldn’t he keep his mouth shut? I just shook my head, glancing away.

“If you were continental you would know at least two languages,” he dared to tease me.

“And you too!” I retorted.

“Who cares about me?–––he squinted. I’m not shagging a foreigner!” One of them actually screamed amidst the laughter. I huffed and puffed as never before.

“If I weren’t losing my time in One Direction I would have learnt,” I asserted, pointing around.

“Losing your time, you say!” Liam flicked his hand at me, still laughing.

“Why would you learn another language living in Holmes Chapel?” Niall asked me, acting puzzled.

“Leave him alone already,” Louis mumbled and I frowned at him. “I’m sure if he weren’t in One Direction he’d be a successful baker…” He mocked me. Everyone let out a high-pitched laugh. It was enough for me.

“Creep!” I yelled at him as I stood up, about to leave the room.

“Guys, leave him alone!–––Zayn protested. He’s so mad already he won’t get a single word…” He wasn’t helping much either. I folded my arms over my chest and leant against the wall, trying to act mature.

“Jeanne is too clever for you, Harry; admit it,” Louis teased me.

“It was you who made me pursue her in the first place!” I exclaimed, frustrated by his attitude.

“She’d be better as my counsellor–––he joked. What could you give her to keep her interested?” He was just crossing too many lines.

“I know,” Niall lifted his finger, beaming. Liam burst into laughs one more time. Were they drunk or high?

“Yeah. Here is the toy boy in training…” He elbowed him, pointing at me.

“Cut it off!”

“And Louis, why would you need a counsellor?–––Liam ironised, turning his attention on him. Oh, I know! Because you are a mess!” At least Louis was having a bit of his own medicine. He just rolled his eyes, showing his teeth. I giggled.

“Yeah, you are a twenty-two years old swagmaster who can’t sing!” Niall carried along and high fived Zayn. My body relaxed a little.

“OK, guys, let’s get back to Harry–––Liam just said. He’s almost crying on a corner because we refer to the woman he loves in so many disrespectful ways,” he pouted at me. I sighed.

“She’d love it!–––Niall exclaimed and high fived everybody around. She has a sense of humour not as other people I know,” he eyed me. I had to admit that by those times my sense of humour was less than zero. And he was probably right.

–.–.–

Notes

Emoji Harry! I saw him in my mind throwing his hands to the air xD OK, the boys are going too far but I had a major approval from Proofreader so it stays like this. Boys will be boys.

Believe me. You want to read this: Permanent and Until Next Time, two great stories I love. Don't forget to check on @PVRIS' story, Secure, if you hadn't yet. Thank you to all my lovely friends who went there and supported her work in such difficult time. You are the most amazing people on this site and I love you so much it hurts.

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