Dreaming Of You // If I'm Still Dreaming

“Louis Tomlinson, come here and explain ‘I sensed Jeanne from the very beginning’ to me,” I said as I entered our reserved area in the hotel. He turned towards me and frowned. Paul glanced severely at me from above him as they were talking, but focused his attention on Liam, who walked in behind me.

“Once again?–––Louis asked. What happened, Harry? Did you speak to ‘I’m a Payne in the ass’?” He said glimpsing at Liam as he passed by our side to talk to Paul.

“Who cares!–––I snapped, dragging him to a corner by his arm. Tell me if it’s true.”

“It’s true,” he stated and my eyes widened.

“What did you do?–––I practically yelled, clenching my fist. Did you ask her who she was behind my back?”

“I know I’ve let you down so many times lately but how can you ask me that?–––Louis retorted, hurt. I’ve told you before… I just knew! That is the truth.”

“No way. It’s impossible–––I insisted, frustrated. You even guessed that she has two degrees!” Louis raised his eyebrows, amused.

“Does she have two degrees?–––he asked. What’s the other?”

“Psychology…”

“Is she a psychologist?–––he smirked. Well, you are screwed, mate.”

“Didn’t you know already?”

“You didn’t tell me on Friday,” he shrugged. I glared at him but the look in his eyes was so clear I felt almost guilty. “Harry, I don’t know how it happened but when I read her first message it was as if I was seeing her–––he explained. Later on I thought it was mental, that she necessarily had to be British or American, but I couldn’t remove that idea from my mind. And as I spoke to Stan we became absolutely certain about it… I know there are many sophisticated women everywhere but her choice of words, her use of European languages. I don’t know. I had an epiphany. I’m sure you thought about it many times while reading her stories but you just didn’t register it.” Because I’m not clever as he is. “That’s the reason I told you I worked as a messenger to yourself. You were all caught up and you couldn’t realise by yourself. So I stepped in, and then Stan. We were mere paths to channel what you already knew,” he said. I was a fool for jumping into conclusions, as always. When I was about to tell him that he interrupted me.“Everything I told you these past two months…–––he mumbled. I meant every word I said about her and facts haven’t proved me wrong until this very moment. I don’t know if I should tell you this because I know how your mind works and that you’ll become obsessed but I need to tell you–––he grasped my arm. Liam will say I’m insane and maybe I am as much as he’s this square, boring person, but I knew this would hit you hard because there’s something about her, about how she thinks, how she lives and loves that would touch your heart. And look at you–––he chuckled. You are bearing my second sermon in just two days… You are so mad about Jeanne you can’t stop listening about her. You want me to tell you she’s the one, you want for somebody else to reassure what you already feel. Harry, great, life-changing things happen just like that, as lightning bolt, and if you let it pass you’ll regret it forever. Maybe she’s not the one but you want for her to be so go chase her, and so be it. And if she’s not… Well, we all got crushed by love at some point, even ‘Windowpayne’…” He laughed at his own joke, turning to glimpse on Liam, who raised his eyebrows to us.

“You know this is bigger than me–––I muttered. This affects us all…”

“Harry, you deserve it–––he cut me short. Don’t hold it up for us… Just don’t. I told you before; stop neglecting yourself.” Louis looked me in the eye and I glanced down. How come he was still there listening to me and giving me his full support when I acted as a cretin towards him? He was being so generous. More than anyone Louis knew the implications of me getting involved with someone but didn’t care. “The fandom will go mad, management will want to murder you and Liam will try to fix it, but there always comes a new day–––he carried on, smiling. It’s what happens every single time, Harry. Don’t feel responsible for everything around. You had spoiled us too much already… Just forget about us and live…”

“What do I do?” I shivered, surrendering to the stress. I was about to leave Paris for good.

“What do you want?” Louis retorted. He wasn’t making things easier to me, as always, but I got his point.

“I have to see her,” I said.

“Go look for her,” he giggled as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, glancing at the door.

“What if she doesn’t want to see me?”

“Is that what you feel or what you fear?” He snickered.

“What I fear…” I said.

“And what do you feel?–––He poked my chest and I giggled, glimpsing down and up again. You know it. You told me…”

“I know she wants me…” I mumbled.

“She wants you,” he asserted reassuringly, patting my elbow.

“How do you know it?” I grimaced.

“Because I do!–––he claimed, and we both laughed. Because she has to. Look at you–––he poked my cheek. How could she resist you? She can try, but let’s see what she can do if you insist,” he chuckled.

“But you told me she knows what she wants–––I said, confused. She dismissed me…”

“Oh, that–––Louis said flicking his hand. I was just trying to figure out how hard you had fell–––he chuckled again. Harry, don’t miss this. Go and find out what you have there. It’s sort of special, you know?” I smiled. Of course it was. “I’m sure you are nothing as what she has planned in life but she was craving for you…–––he observed in emphasis. Look at you… You are in your bones!” Louis tugged at my clothes playfully, and we laughed one more time.

“Well, I guess you two have already sorted this out…” Liam remarked as he approached us with a smirk on his face.

“We have, master and commander of my shames–––Louis told him in irony. I don’t do stuff behind anybody’s back and I thought you already knew that…” Liam glanced down. “But it’s OK–––he carried on. I know I don’t deserve your blind faith, so you are excused for your suspicions. Now, if you were trying to prevent Harry for jumping into this sort of chaotic, tempestuous story, well, you need to do better than that, because he’s staying,” he said pointing at me. I scrunched my face but then smiled.

“I don’t know what I was thinking… Please, forgive me, both of you,” Liam spoke, placing a hand on his forehead. Too much pressure. “I know I’m an arse sometimes but someone has to…–––he hesitated. Someone has to be the common sense around here…”

“I know I went too far lately and I gave you a motive to distrust me for life, Liam–––Louis explained, a hand on his heart. But Harry is out of this. Let’s be here for him. He needs to get the girl this time.”

“I know. I know it, Harry–––he said directly to me, grabbing my shoulder. I got your back on this, no matter come what may. Paul is mad but I guess there’s not much he can do about it… Our contract allows us to sing–––he laughed. Now, Harry, Jeanne was not at home last night. Maybe she hasn’t come back yet.”

“I don’t care–––I stated. I have to try.”

“But what if she’s not?” He asked, worried again.

“I’ll just wait.”

“This will become suspicious–––Liam mumbled. What transcended from last night is about to blow, I told you.”

“Who cares, Liam?–––Louis intervened. We cannot live in fear… Let’s say we felt so happy after the show we danced in the street as Bowie and Jagger…” Oh, yes. The original bromance. We chuckled and Liam gazed at us as if we were insane. “After the joint affair the fans won’t care and I’m sure they’ll even find it cute.”

“Are you sure, Harry?” He insisted.

“I am–––I said, turning away. Paul, I have to talk to you.”

“Harry, we leave to the airport in less than an hour–––Paul told me as he walked right by my side. And you played me well yesterday night. You are so grounded.”

“Paul, I’m staying,” I claimed in a husky tone. He stopped dead.

“Harry, you need to be in Amsterdam in two days,” he said turning to face me.

“Paul, I never ask you anything. Anything–––I emphasised. I promise you I’ll be there, just let me stay,” I practically begged as I saw his serious gaze. He raised his eyebrows quizzically. “Please, Paul, you know I’ll be there. I always do things right. Allow me this or I’ll sneak out–––I observed, my heart racing into my chest. I did it and I’ll do it again. Just let me stay.”

“Harry, you know I’ll be contradicting everything we’ve being doing all these years if I let you stay,” he spoke as if he was exhausted, shaking his head ‘no.’ I jumped closer to him. “You know I almost murdered Louis when he helped you sneak out the other day. You should have explained it to me as you are doing now. You know I follow orders and I’m the one in charge for things to work out properly.” I gave him a puppy look and he sighed. “But you also know that you are like a son to me, and I’m a reasonable man. So if you tell me you met this girl and you are mad about her, and you want to stay… Well, if you promise you’ll be in Amsterdam and craziness is over while on tour, then I can make it happen…” I quickly nodded and he turned around to speak to the minders after patting my cheek. I looked at Liam and Louis, already watching us, and gestured to them. They lifted their thumbs to me with broad smiles on their faces. I guessed Louis had finally persuaded Liam. “Harry, Harry, listen to me–––Paul returned his attention to me, grabbing me by the shoulder. Pat is staying with you. He’ll be in charge of taking you to the airport and you’ll go to him for everything you need. He’ll be staying in a hotel near the damn Rue Cujas, OK? You need to promise me you’ll be a good boy and be out of her place in time like the other day. If you fuck this, Harry–––he said harshly–––I promise I’ll come find you myself and I’ll never be able to trust in you again. Do we have a gentlemen’s agreement?” He presented his hand to me.

“We do–––I said tightly shaking it. Thank you, Paul. I love you,” I leapt to his neck.

“Save that enthusiasm for your little French girlfriend,” he grumbled, trying to shift me aside but I wrestled him. “You know it, Harry. Don’t let me down on this,” he pointed his finger to me as I finally let him go.

“I won’t. Thank you, Paul–––I mumbled. I’ll be there.”

–.–.–

Once Pat and I arrive to Jeanne’s building I begin to flinch. I don’t even know which her doorbell is, nor Mme. Poulbot, because this stuff has not names on it but numbers, and everything is so confusing as in France floors are not organised the same as in England. So I guess we’re just staying here until something happens. I wish Pat wouldn’t be here if she arrives because I fear she’s not at home yet. Her Vespa isn’t parked outside, a fact I didn’t notice last night probably due to my alcoholic state or my nervousness. If I was a better observer we could have spared ourselves the serenade and all its unexpected consequences.

“Harry, I won’t leave you here to wait alone–––Pat tells me for the thousandth time. I just won’t. Forget it.” He has been my shadow all these years and I’m not changing that on a single morning.

“Pat, it’s OK… She’ll be home soon or somebody else will open the door for me,” I mumble. This is nonsense. What am I doing here? Somebody will recognise me sooner or later… It was probably someone from this building who set the alarm from the serenade on Twitter. But I can’t leave. He laughs at me.

“Well, I’ll leave ten minutes after you get inside–––he says. If something happens you come to look for me to the hotel. We can leave to Amsterdam today, you know…”

“I’m sure everything will be fine,” I reassure him. No, I’m not, but I need to believe it will or otherwise I won’t see her. As it is Sunday at least there’s not much people walking down the street.

“Harry, I know you since the beginning–––Pat speaks to me quietly. You are as a baby brother to me. Why are you doing this?” Here’s the guy who knows every single one of my conquests. I can’t expect for him not to meddle. Everybody meddles every time.

“Pat, because I have to–––I mutter, getting closer. She’s special…”

“You always say that!” He snaps, cackling.

“But I deserve to know if she really is.” As I speak I turn to look at the corner of the street and smile instinctively as I see my angel. “Mme. Poulbot, Mme. Poulbot. C’est Harry…” I run to her.

“Bonjour, mon fillot. T’es revenu,” Mme. Poulbot says to me, grinning. She carries a newspaper and a baguette. These French are adorable. As I get by her side she grabs my arm and bends me to kiss me on the cheek. “On a bien aimé votre chanson d’hier soir…” How good it is when people don’t know who I am and are nice to me because they feel like it.

“Mme. Poulbot. Is Jeanne home?” I ask her with the same words as last night. I hope she understands me.

“Ah, mais j’sais pas, moi,” she remarks. By her expression I’m guessing she doesn’t know, but as we stop on her doorstep she takes her keys out and smiles kindly, glimpsing at my handbag nearby. “Mais j’peut’ouvrir la porte si t’veux monter à son étage. Viens, mon fillot,” she gestures with her hand for me to come inside. Even if she’s not at home, now I can wait for her by myself and in a more discreet position.

“Pat, I’m in–––I speak to him as I grab my belongings. Ten minutes and leave. I’ll ring you later.”

–.–.–

Notes

You didn't trust the Tommo, but you should have :) Who was panicking––besides Harry? Now Harry is back at 11, rue Cujas... Is Jeanne home? Don't you dare to miss next chapter!

Love you all, adorable readers! <3