Title: It goes great with the story!

Grammar: It wasn't too bad. You just need more description and to stop using I. I know it's first person, but you can also have sentences start differently with different words. If you're using the same subject for different verbs, you don't have to repeat yourself.

Original: I walk out of class and I go in the back of the school like Louis ordered me too.

Edited: I walk out of class and go in the back of the school, like Louis ordered me to.

You are getting To and Too mixed up. Too means also if that was any help. To is like I'm going to hand it to her. It's more of a preposition.

Spelling: There weren't any spelling errors, so good job on that!

Plot: I find your story to be really interesting. I really want to know what's going to happen next. You left off on a cliffhanger! Good for a story, makes me want some more. Update soon please! I really like how she's bullied and forced to stay from them. Why do they call her a whore? I really want to know. I guess you'll have to update to answer that question!

Rate: 8/10

Notes

Sorry for the long wait. I had a lot of stuff to do.