Harry

"Because you're my everything, Paisley," I whispered into her hair.

"You're just saying that because you feel sorry for me."

Paisley pushed me off of her and ran out of the apartment. It took me a moment to grasp what was going on, but as soon as it hit me, I ran out of the building and followed her across the street.

The sun was shining bright, but it didn't shed any light on the awful situation that was taking place. Why had it come to this?

Paisley was taking me on a wild goose chase; past vendors and weaving through groups of people; I thought I'd never catch her.

I finally got in arms distance of her, to which I used to my advantage and grabbed her arm and pulled her into my chest. The collision of our bodies resulted in us falling over onto the sidewalk, and to make matters worse, it started raining.

Paisley was silent for the thirty minutes that we sat on the pavement, getting drenched in rain, with her head tucked into my chest. Her shoulders were shaking slightly from her sobs, and I tried everything to calm her, even though I didn't know what I was calming.

Then, a thought occurred to me. The song that I had written...

Niall and I hadn't had time to practice it, but maybe I didn't need the help of a guitar to make it perfect. Maybe the moment was presenting itself. Maybe this was a perfect place to do it; the most spontaneously perfect place to do it; sitting on the sidewalk in the pouring rain while the sun shined on.

I placed my lips next to Paisley's ear, and let the song that I spent hours perfecting flow past my lips.

*

Drops of water falling from your crystal eyes

Blood covered wrists wrapped up in lies

Sobs that you release as soon as I'm out the door

And when I turn around you've crumpled to the floor

Something has taken away your beautiful smile

Replaced it with a frown that goes down a mile

(Chorus)

Seeing you this way is eating me alive

And I'm scared to leave your side cause I know you won't survive

You're broken and helpless

And I'm deprived of normality because of an unfortunate reality

I'm desperate to know what's making you this way

Why can't you tell me

Why must you cry

Seeing you this way is eating me alive

There are so many secrets you've been storing away

And I remain hopeful that you'll tell me one day

Depression doesn't seem like your cup of tea

Did you forget the sugar because it's not very sweet

Your eyes are hollow and so is my heart

Knowing you are sad and broken is tearing me apart

(Chorus)

Seeing you this way is eating me alive

And I'm scared to leave your side cause I know you won't survive

You're broken and helpless

And I'm deprived of normality because of an unfortunate reality

I'm desperate to know what's making you this way

Why can't you tell me

Why must you cry

Seeing you this way is eating me alive

And the color has left your grey eyes

And my head is filled up with your lies

Why can't you tell me why

Why can't you see that this is eating me alive

I miss your laugh and I miss your smile

I miss the old you

Where is the old you

The happy girl I used to know

(Chorus)

Seeing you this way is eating me alive

And I'm scared to leave your side cause I know you won't survive

You're broken and helpless

And I'm deprived of normality because of an unfortunate reality

I'm desperate to know what's making you this way

Why can't you tell me

Why must you cry

Seeing you this way is eating me alive

I'm drowning your tears that are mixing with my fears of losing you

Every time I think about you I wish I could be you so I could see what's in your mind

Baby we're running out of time

Baby this is eating me alive

Something has taken away your beautiful smile

And I remain hopeful that you tell me why one day

*

I let out a breath and looked down at Paisley. The left side of her face was pressed against my chest, and I could see an abundance of tears flowing down her cheeks and mixing with the rain that was still pouring.

"The song is for you, Paisley," I whispered. "I wrote it for you."

Paisley didn't respond. Instead, her breath became shallow and her head lolled to the side.

▪️▪️

I sat in the hospital waiting room for what seemed like hours; my only company was the lady sitting at the desk who seemed like she needed ten coffees.

First off, I had no idea why Paisley fainted, and it really scared me.

A nurse walked into the waiting room and smiled sadly at me. "What's wrong?" I asked, standing up.

"I'm not sure if you're aware, Mr. Styles, but Paisley happens to be a regular patient at he hospital."

Well this is news to me.

"I wasn't aware of that," I said.

"Maybe it's best for the doctor herself to tell you, then. Follow me."

I followed her through the swinging doors and down the hallway. She stopped in front of a door and motioned me to enter, and followed behind me.

I sat down in a chair that was facing a desk where the doctor herself was seated. The nurse stood behind me and quietly waited.

"Mr. Styles, I understand that you are very close to Paisley. She's mentioned you during our visits."

I stayed silent, not knowing where this was going.

"Paisley fainted out of shock. Something must have surprised or elated her in her fragile state which caused her to shut down. Do you have any idea what that could have been?"

It couldn't have been the song, could it?

"I sang a song to her that I wrote."

"I see. I don't have any easy way of saying this..."

Once again, I stayed silent.

"Paisley has cancer."

My eyes widened and my breath hitched in my throat. There was no way. She would never-

"She's had it for almost over a year. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. But because of this incident, we'll have to start the chemotherapy a little earlier."

"Is she awake?"

"Yes, but-"

"I need to see her."

"Mr. Styles, I don't think-"

"I need to see her."

Dr. Key said no more, but motioned for me to go outside. The nurse followed. "Right this way," she said.

▪️▪️

As soon as the hospital room door shut behind me, I let out a sob I didn't know I was holding inside. I hadn't even looked at Paisley yet, but I knew she was staring at me. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and turned to her.

Her eyes were all big an innocent, and I would've believed her if I didn't know the truth.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why what?" She didn't know what I was talking about.

"Y-you have cancer," another sob left my throat.

"How did you..."

"Dr. Key told me. Isn't it lovely to be told by somebody else that someone very important to you has cancer ?"

"I was scared."

"Why?"

"I didn't want to ruin your life. I didn't want to be a burden. I didn't want you to live your life while worrying about me. I didn't want anything to be ruined-"

"It already was ruined."

"W-what?"

"You hid from me, Paisley. You never told me anything. You wallowed in your tears and drowned yourself in pain- both physical and emotional- and never let me help you. How could you think that you'd be a burden? You're anything but that." I paused and went over to her. Then, in a whisper, I said, "Don't you dare think about dying, because I can't live without you."

She looked up at me. Her bottom lip quivered, and I had the sudden urge to kiss it. To kiss her beautiful lips and take away all the pain. Kisses make everything better, don't they?

I don't know what I was thinking when I leaned down so I was only millimeters from her lips. I've never felt the urge to do anything more than "brotherly sisterly" type things with her until now. Maybe I was losing it.

I didn't even know if she wanted it to. But she didn't seem to be resisting.

All of my thoughts were pushed aside when my lips met hers. I could tell she was hesitant and scared. I wanted her to be fearless in this moment of entering new territory. I wanted her to be strong for me. Even if it was for two minutes.

My lips glided across her still ones. I opened my eyes just a crack to see that hers were closed. She inhaled sharply. I closed my eyes once again.

I continued prodding at her lips with my own, hoping she'd respond.

I pulled away slightly, my eyes still closed, and murmured against her lips, "This is an act of absolute spontaneousness, but I'd like some encouragement."

I once again delicately pressed my lips against hers. She hesitantly responded, as if she didn't know what to do. Not breaking the kiss, I gently maneuvered myself onto the hospital bed so I was above her.

I ran my hands up and down her sides slowly, feeling her shiver beneath my touch.

Our lips moved together incredibly slow, but it was absolutely perfect. I pulled away, and began peppering delicate kisses down her neck.

I rolled over and laid on the side that didn't have all of the IVs and machines, and wrapped my arm around her. I looked into her eyes, which seemed slightly brighter than they were a few moments ago.

"Harry-"

"Shhhh. Let's just enjoy being the in the presence of each other."

"But what if I die-"

I grabbed her hand and placed it on my chest over my heart.

"My heart beats for you, you know. If you die, I'll die, too. So stay strong. Do it for me."

It was no longer raining outside, and there was a rainbow shining in the sky.

Notes

Okay. Wow.

I felt like something should be a little happy in my story because, well.... Something depressing happened.

I finished reading The Fault in Our Stars. It took me like, a day and a half to read it, and towards the ending, I became an emotional wreck. I was crying as if it were real (aren't all books real) and I was in a dumpy mood after I finished it. I literally bawled my eyes out.

how can a book be so undeniably good but just as equally depressing?

now I gotta go see the movie... And bring ten boxes of tissues.


Anyways....

the song in this chapter is called "Eating Me Alive."

YES I wrote it.

YES it is MINE.

GOD said "Thou shalt not steal."

THEREFORE thou shalt not steal.

MINE MINE MINE

please commenf, vote, and subscribe!

xx