Forever and Infinity

Paisley

I couldn't take my mind off of it. That moment I shared with Harry. First, his voice was shooting bullets at me, but then, he stopped them from hitting me. We were so close. We were entangled in each other in the middle of a deserted street. I could feel the butterflies. I could feel my cheeks heating up from the fact that we were pressed against each other. And then he.... He kissed my neck. Just a single, delicate kiss. And he probably didn't think of it as anything special, but it felt like heaven to me. I felt loved.

And then he asked those questions that I just didn't know how to answer. How was I supposed to tell him that I had cancer? I didn't want to worry him. I didn't want to scare him. I didn't want to be a burden.

And how was I supposed to tell him that I have deep, passionate feelings for him, for three years now, without scaring him off? He was my best friend, and I didn't want to lose him. He was my everything. A life without Harry was a life not worth living. But I wanted him to love me. I craved him.

That's why I had to push him away. Those two reasons.

▪️

I heard the front door open, and instantly knew it was Harry.

What was he doing here?

I looked up from my spot on the couch- even though I was barely visible because of all my blankets- and watched him walk in with a bag in tow. "Hi, Paisley," he smiled weakly at me. "I brought you some stuff. I have to go meet Desiree, but I'll be back later today."

He left without waiting for a reply. I think he was starting to give up on me. But I guess it didn't really matter, because I already gave up on myself.

I reached for the bag that Harry brought for me. I opened it slightly, and the first thing on top was a stuffed snowy owl that had "'Owl' always be there" stitched in pink on its belly. It was kind of dirty from age; it had to be at least eight years old.

Already I felt the emotions coming on. Harry had given this to me when we were younger and I was obsessed with Harry Potter. He bought the owl at a thrift store, and with money that he had been saving for something for himself, he had someone professionally stitch the message on it.

I had forgotten all about it. I didn't even know how he managed to have it in his possession.

I sat the owl aside, and peered down into the bag. There was a tiny cardboard box inside, and I carefully lifted the lid. Inside was a small slip of paper that had a picture of a cow holding an ice cream cone on it and the words, "Dairy Farms Ice Cream." It was a coupon that had expired four years ago. It was the same ice cream shop that Harry and I had gone to all the time when we lived in Holmes Chapel.

The next thing I pulled out from the bag was a small black leather journal. On the front, painted in thick, pale pink letters, it read, "Things I want to do before I die." I remember that this went missing last year; Harry must've snatched it off my dresser.

I opened it up, and the first thing said, "Visit Alaska." I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I used to be full of it. Yes, I still wanted to go, but I'd probably never get the chance.

I continued looking through the journal and read through every list. The last three on the last page caught my eye.

"Fall in love."

"Feel loved."

"Live happily ever after."

This time, I didn't laugh. I didn't roll my eyes. Even though the chances of the last two ever happening were slim, I still yearned for them to be real.

The last thing, at the very bottom of the bag, was a single photograph of Harry and I smiling toothily at the camera. It was taken three years ago. So much has changed since then.

I flipped it over, and written in Harry's handwriting were the words, "A beautiful girl; a beautiful smile. They should meet again. Together they are invincible."

He thought I was beautiful.

▪️

I sat in the patient waiting room, expecting the worse. Dr. Key wanted to have a talk with me, and I was incredibly nervous.

What scared me the most, was that whether or not my days were shortened. I was scared out of my mind.

"Paisley Dunst," a nurse called my name. I stood up and followed her through the swinging doors and a long, white hallway. She led me to an office and said, "Have a seat and make yourself feel comfortable. Dr. Key will be here shortly."

I sat down on the couch that was opposite Dr. Key's desk, and fiddled with my fingers. The couch practically swallowed me when I sat down, and it was comfy. But that didn't take my thoughts away from the talk I was going to have with my doctor.

The office door opened and in walked Dr. Key, with a smile on her face. She sat down behind the desk, and looked up at me. "Good afternoon, Paisley. How are you?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Just fine."

"I was wondering if you'd like to try something for your cancer?" She handed me a folder that contained a pamphlet, a few forms, and information. "It's called chemotherapy. I suspect you've heard of it?" I nodded in response.

"Yeah, I have, but when will we start?"

"In two weeks. We just have to send in information so you can get the right medication."

"That's fine."

"Chemotherapy is a gradual procedure that fights off cancer cells, and hopefully rids the body of cancer. But there are some side effects, including hair loss."

I frowned. The thought of losing my long, straight red hair dampened my mood. But I knew that fighting cancer was more important than losing hair. It can grow back. My life can't.

"That's okay. I'll live," I said. And then I realized the dark humor.

I probably won't live.

"Okay, Honey, that's all for now. Just let me sign these papers..."
As she was signing the papers, I lazily took out my phone and noticed that I had a message from Harry.

From: Harry

Where are you? I'm at your apartment. I told you I'd drop by when I dropped off the bag this morning.

Crap.

To: Harry

Shopping.

From: Harry

See you soon :)

▪️

I opened my apartment door and stumbled inside. Harry was sitting on my couch watching the news. "Hey Paisley." He turned his head to look at me.

"Hi," I mumbled. I sat down on the lounger opposite the couch and rested my head on the back.

"Paisley?"

"Hm?"

Notes

Not much to say, except that Harry is fucking sexy and I want to run my fingers through his perfect hair...

sorry I had to.

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