How to Say Goodbye

I washed the throw up out of my hair and off my face. I stared into the mirror more than slightly disgusted with myself, but hey, what's new.

This is all my fault. I caused this.

"God you look so pathetic." Hailey walks in laughing. As usual she she didn't realize how much she pushed me. I wiped my mascara off that was running down my face.

She pushes past me to fix her makeup in the mirror. She didn't even want to ask me what happened.

"I'm going out." I mutter my voice sounding stuffy from crying. She glances over at me and chuckles.

"Looking like that? Have fun getting teased." She returns to fixing her hair. I started tearing up at her words.

Why did we ever become friends? And why do I still let her push me after all these years?

But I did this to myself. I was the one who caused this.

I continue to head out. I didn't know where I was going but anywhere was better than with Hailey.
I sprinted down the stairs of apartment complex praying I wouldn't run into Niall, Harry, Louos, Liam, anyone. They'd laugh, they'd make me explain. I'd be ridiculed by them. After all, they found out my secret.

"B?" A familiar voice shouts. I come to halt and stare up to see Zayn looking down at me. I was more than a mess at this point, I was bawling.

"Zayn. I. Can I come into your room?" I beg coming up to him.

"Of course B, anything." He responds meeting me halfway. He helps guide me up to his room which was about 4 doors down from Hailey's and mine. "Sit down."

I slowly fall onto the couch sighing. Everything that happened today was making me want to die. I caused this...



"Are you okay?" He hesitantly asks. I nod silently not in the mood to speak. He sits next to me smiling. "I don't believe you." He whispers. I almost choked. He was the first one to say this to me. Ever. No one's ever second guessed me. But he did, he saw past my lie.

"I..I just.." I stumbled on all my words as the tears found their way down my cheeks again.

"Hey hey hey, don't worry, you don't need to explain."

I smiled, the most real smile all day. Maybe, just maybe he could fix it.

Zayn put his hand to my face and I froze hoping he wasn't going to do what I thought. He leaned in kissing me softly at first then going in hard. I tried to stop but he didn't want to. He kept on leaning down forcing my body to be flat against the couch. He went on top of me and started to pull my shirt up.
I finally found the strength to slap him. He glared at me and I pushed his chest getting him off.

"You know, I actually thought you were the nicest of the five from your group. However, after today you all have given me a reason to kill myself." I spit out. I couldn't handle this day anymore. I was done with them, I was done with this. I walked out of that room leaving Zayn looking down at his thumbs.

They all found ways to mess up my life. A life I didn't even want from the start. Now.
Now it's time I get rid of it.

I caused this to happen. It happened because of me.

Instead of going down the stairs I went up. Up to the roof. To finally finish this once and for all.

I pushed the doors open and ignored the fact that a group of college kids were smoking in the corner. I stepped up onto the ledge. I breathed in, saying the last things I'd ever think.

It wasn't my fault....


It's their fault..

I slightly lean forward.

"Wait! Brinley Marie!"
My body stops itself. I turn around to see him standing at the door panting. He looked panicked. I thought I would never see him again.

"I-" I went to go towards him.

I didn't finish my sentence. I slipped. My foot foot flew forward and my body went backwards. All I heard was screaming.

It's not my fault went soaring through my head.

But really, it was.

Then blackness.

Notes

So this is the prologue. The future of my book. So chapter 1 will be the beggining and eventually catch up to this part! :)