Imagines

5SOS

I’ve done something so terrible,
I’m terrified to speak,
But you’d expect that from me.
I’m mixed up,
I’ll be blunt,
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair,
And out of my mind.
Keeping an eye on the world,
From so many thousands of feet off the ground,
I’m over you now,
I’m at home in the clouds,
Towering over your head.
You sit on the bathroom floor, the knife in your hand, a bottle of pills by your side as back up. You glide the blade over your wrist carefully, wincing as it cuts deep through your skin, breaking it, layer by layer. You watch the blood drain from your veins, and your head begins to spin more and more with every drop that you lose. It was burning now, and you just wanted it all to stop. You didn’t want to feel pain anymore, but if doing this meant that the pain was over forever, it was worth it.

You hated yourself for doing it again. You promised Ashton, you told him that you’d never do it again, not after last time. Your mum passed away and your dad left, you had no-one, except Ashton. Everything was going wrong for you, and the last time you’d tried this, you very nearly died. The only thing you can remember about it is waking up in hospital, with Ashton by your side, tear-stained eyes and all. You promised him. And you wanted to hurt yourself even more for breaking that promise.

You pick up the bottle from beside you, downing one pill after another, until the bottle was half gone. You’re barely even awake now, slipping between reality and unconsciousness. You’re so out of it that you don’t even hear Ashton enter the house, walking past the bathroom door, “Are you in there Y/N?”
You want to get up, just so that he doesn’t have to see you like that, but you can’t move. Your whole body is numb.
He nudges the bathroom door slightly, the underside of it brushing against your blood that’s covering the white tiles on the floor, staining it, gasping and falling to his knees when he realises what you’ve done to yourself.
“No, Y/N, not again, you promised,” he breaks down crying, holding your arms in his lap, trying to stop the blood.
“I’m so sorry,” is all you can manage to say without your breathing becoming staggered.
“This isn’t your fault beautiful, I know it’s hard, but you really need to hold on, for me?”
“I can’t Ash, I’m so sorry, so so sorry.” You say, before blacking out.

*A week later*
You wake up in hospital, your eyes blurred and you feel like your whole body is still burning. You look to your side to find Ashton sat at the side of your bed, holding onto your hand, still not having noticed that you’ve woken up. His hair is dishevelled, his eyes are puffy and red, his whole face is pale and he looks like he hasn’t slept in a while.
Your eyes are heavy so you close them lightly, before hearing someone enter the room. You listen to the conversation that’s happening between the two.
“Ashton, mate, you need to come home. This isn’t normal…”
“No Luke, I’ll tell you what’s not normal, the fact that the girl I care about the most in the world is lying in a hospital bed, fighting for her life, because she thought she wasn’t good enough, and my friends don’t even care enough to see what it’s doing to me!”
“We can all see Ash, we care so fucking much and we all miss her too! We want her back just as much as you do, but sitting here causing damage to your own health isn’t what Y/N would want!”
You hear sniffles and you guess Ashton is crying. You can’t bare it, so you open your eyes slowly, tightening your grip on his hand.
“Y/N!” He shouts, jumping up out of his chair. “I swear to god, don’t you ever do that to me again okay? Don’t you do that. I thought I lost you.” He kisses your forehead repeatedly and you sigh.
“I’m sorry Ash, I never want to hurt you. I wasn’t trying to, I just wanted it all to stop.”
“I know you did. Promise me you’ll talk to me next time? Tell me when you feel like that.”
“I promise, I’m gonna try so hard, I never want to let you down again.” You tell him, and he squeezes your hand tight, kissing you again.
WARNING: THIS IMAGINE CONTAINS REFERENCES TO SELF HARM SO IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE THAT, SCROLL PAST THIS NOW!!!

A/N: This one was requested as a Luke imagine but there’s far too many Luke requests at the minute, so I thought I’d make it an Ashton one instead. It came from the lyrics below, in Remembering Sunday by All Time Low. Hope you like!! :)
I’m not coming back,
I’ve done something so terrible,
I’m terrified to speak,
But you’d expect that from me.
I’m mixed up,
I’ll be blunt,
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair,
And out of my mind.
Keeping an eye on the world,
From so many thousands of feet off the ground,
I’m over you now,
I’m at home in the clouds,
Towering over your head.
You sit on the bathroom floor, the knife in your hand, a bottle of pills by your side as back up. You glide the blade over your wrist carefully, wincing as it cuts deep through your skin, breaking it, layer by layer. You watch the blood drain from your veins, and your head begins to spin more and more with every drop that you lose. It was burning now, and you just wanted it all to stop. You didn’t want to feel pain anymore, but if doing this meant that the pain was over forever, it was worth it.

You hated yourself for doing it again. You promised Ashton, you told him that you’d never do it again, not after last time. Your mum passed away and your dad left, you had no-one, except Ashton. Everything was going wrong for you, and the last time you’d tried this, you very nearly died. The only thing you can remember about it is waking up in hospital, with Ashton by your side, tear-stained eyes and all. You promised him. And you wanted to hurt yourself even more for breaking that promise.

You pick up the bottle from beside you, downing one pill after another, until the bottle was half gone. You’re barely even awake now, slipping between reality and unconsciousness. You’re so out of it that you don’t even hear Ashton enter the house, walking past the bathroom door, “Are you in there Y/N?”
You want to get up, just so that he doesn’t have to see you like that, but you can’t move. Your whole body is numb.
He nudges the bathroom door slightly, the underside of it brushing against your blood that’s covering the white tiles on the floor, staining it, gasping and falling to his knees when he realises what you’ve done to yourself.
“No, Y/N, not again, you promised,” he breaks down crying, holding your arms in his lap, trying to stop the blood.
“I’m so sorry,” is all you can manage to say without your breathing becoming staggered.
“This isn’t your fault beautiful, I know it’s hard, but you really need to hold on, for me?”
“I can’t Ash, I’m so sorry, so so sorry.” You say, before blacking out.

*A week later*
You wake up in hospital, your eyes blurred and you feel like your whole body is still burning. You look to your side to find Ashton sat at the side of your bed, holding onto your hand, still not having noticed that you’ve woken up. His hair is dishevelled, his eyes are puffy and red, his whole face is pale and he looks like he hasn’t slept in a while.
Your eyes are heavy so you close them lightly, before hearing someone enter the room. You listen to the conversation that’s happening between the two.
“Ashton, mate, you need to come home. This isn’t normal…”
“No Luke, I’ll tell you what’s not normal, the fact that the girl I care about the most in the world is lying in a hospital bed, fighting for her life, because she thought she wasn’t good enough, and my friends don’t even care enough to see what it’s doing to me!”
“We can all see Ash, we care so fucking much and we all miss her too! We want her back just as much as you do, but sitting here causing damage to your own health isn’t what Y/N would want!”
You hear sniffles and you guess Ashton is crying. You can’t bare it, so you open your eyes slowly, tightening your grip on his hand.
“Y/N!” He shouts, jumping up out of his chair. “I swear to god, don’t you ever do that to me again okay? Don’t you do that. I thought I lost you.” He kisses your forehead repeatedly and you sigh.
“I’m sorry Ash, I never want to hurt you. I wasn’t trying to, I just wanted it all to stop.”
“I know you did. Promise me you’ll talk to me next time? Tell me when you feel like that.”
“I promise, I’m gonna try so hard, I never want to let you down again.” You tell him, and he squeezes your hand tight, kissing you again.

Notes

Sorry Nialls Girl I couldn't think of him cutting himself so I made one about his girlfriend self harming hope you like it.