Back For You
Chapter 13
"Fuck" I heard a screamed whisper coming from behind me. I opened my eyes looking up to meet a pair of green ones.
"Shh" Harry smiled down at me as he put his finger on his mouth, holding back a laugh. His hair was, messy and pushed up on top of his head. "She's trying to make breakfast" Harry said gesturing to the kitchen behind me, as he giggled. I smiled up at him as I turned my body to face towards the sounds coming from the kitchen. My back was against Harry's hard chest as his arms hung limply on my hips under the blankets.
"Standing on your mama's porch you told me that you'd wait forever" I heard Zoe singing off tune from the kitchen, "Oh the way you held my hand, I knew that it was now or never. THOSE WERE THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE"
I looked up at Harry who unlike me was controlling his laugh. I burst out laughing as Harry's hand came up to cover my mouth, just as Zoe walked into the living room.
"Best days off your life huh Zo?" I asked as a laugh rang through me.
"Shut up" She said flipping me off.
"Let's see that air guitar again" Harry said laughing.
"Fuck off, both of you"
"IT WAS THE SUMMER OF 69" Harry sang as I sat up on the couch that we shared last night. As soon as I moved to sit up, I regretted it. My back was completely thrown off.
"ouch" I said as I stood up only to sit back down. "My back is done" I said looking at Harry
"Come here" he said as I scooted closer to him. He pushed my hair to one side as he gently began massaging my back. I closed my eyes as he rubbed his hands all over, knowing exactly where to add just the right amount of pressure. My stomach filled with that familiar feeling that I always got around Harry as he worked.
"When did you get this?" Harry whispered as he brushed my hair away from my neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps. It was too early for this much contact.
"What?" I asked as my breath hitched in my throat, hearing Harry chuckle before he continued.
"The tattoo, when did you get it" Harry said as he ran his fingers over the script.
"I got it a while ago, In Australia" I said allowing myself to relax further into Harry.
"What does it mean," I heard his whisper
"She fly's with her own wings" I said quietly, remembering back to that time in my life, the reason I got those 3 latin words engraved on me. "That's what it means"
"Was It after he-"
"Yeah," I didn't let Harry finish "It was after him"
I felt the tears to begin build in the back of my eyes, shaking, remembering the events that took place only 6 months ago.
"Fuck you Rylynn", "You deserve all the shit I'm doing to you, you should be thanking me" "I'm drunk and I want you, baby. I want you to make me feel good." "Be good tonight, and maybe I won't be so hard on you"
"I can hear him" I said shaking, "Zoe, I can hear him"
"Shh, he's not here. He's never going to come near you again" She whispered into my ear, as I slid onto the kitchen floor. "Harry, she's having a panic attack,"
"Yea, yeah. Ry, babe. Come hear" I barely heard Harry say, all I could hear was his voice in my head, repeating every nasty word, every nasty threat. I could see his dark eyes as they moved closer towards me. I could see him hurting me, I could see my limp fragile body underneath him.
"Ry, babe" I could hear Harry now. "Rylynn, baby. I'm going to pick you up." Harry said as he slowly reached out to pull me towards him.
"NO, GET AWAY, I HATE YOU" I screamed, as I pushed him away. I don't want him to hurt me, I don't want him to touch me like that again.
"Ry, it's me. It's Harry, it's me" He said as he rubbed his thumb over my cheek bones, I finally opened my eyes to see my best friend looking worried, his eyes glossy.
"Haz?" I whispered.
"Yes, Ry, it's me you're safe come here" he said from his kneeling position in front of me, his arms wide open, a encouraging half smile on his face.
I've never moved so fast in my life. Harry's arms wrapped tight around me as I hurried into them, shaking and crying, placing my head in his neck. He picked me up, holding me tight, as I wrapped my arm around his neck.
"Shhh, you're alright" He whispered to me.
"How did you get her off the floor," I heard Zoe ask.
"I don't know, I talked to her" He said as he placed me into my bed, before I pulled the covers tight around me.
-
My eyes fluttered open. Everything hurt.
Without even having to look in the mirror, I knew my eyes were puffy and lips were swollen from all the crying I had done today.
I was doing so well.
I finally moved, on. I finally forgot what he had done to me. It had been almost 7 months and I could finally go to sleep at night without having nightmares about the past.
I rolled over looking at the clock on my nightstand. 2:04am
Had I been in bed all day.
I grabbed my phone, my towel and the first sweater I could see on the floor near my closet. I walked into the shower, closing the door behind me as I ran the hot water; stripping of my clothes, I got inside and let the water fall on me. I had no energy to scrub myself, and my hair. I was exhausted.
Wrapping the towel around myself, after 20 minutes of standing there, I changed into a sweater and pyjama shorts. Making my way back to my bed room, before hearing faint voices from down the hall.
"What are you doing, Haz?" I heard a voice, whisper that sounded much like Louis'
"I don't know" I heard Harry reply, I could now almost see as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.
"I's okay," Louis said as he reverted his gaze to me, standing in the doorway. "Ry"
Harry head shot in my direction, as he rubbed his tired eyes, before walking over to me.
"Hi" I offered a small smile as I walked further into the room, standing in front of Harry. "Why are you guys here?" I asked moving past Harry to sit on the couch.
"I haven't left all day, Zoe is at her cousins, she forgot they had plans tonight. Said She'll be back tomorrow morning" Harry said before a yawn broke through his face, "Do you want something to eat?" He asked making his way into the kitchen. I guess I was going to eat whether I liked it or not.
"How you feeling love," Louis asked as I brought the blanket around my legs.
"Like shit" I replied, earning a small chuckle from him as Harry's phone on the coffee table started ringing.
"Lou can you get that?" Harry said as I heard pot's an pans being messed with in the kitchen.
"Hello," Louis said as he answered, "Hey Laura, how are you" He spoke quietly. "Harry wasn't picking up the phone at home?" Louis asked.
"Lou, lemme talk to her. Here Ry, I made pasta earlier," Harry said walking out of the kitchen as he handed me the plate in his hands.
"Hold on here he is" Louis said handing the phone over to Harry.
"Hi, babe." Harry said as he made his way over to my balcony, "No I'm not at home actually" was all we heard before the door shut.
"What happened Ry," was the first thing Louis said.
"I don't know Lou, it was weird. I haven't had a panic attack in so long" I said as I moved the pasta around in my plate, picking at the few meatballs.
"Did it have to do with Jackson?" Louis asked in a whisper, afraid of the reaction I would offer, I suppose. When I closed my eyes, and drew in a small breath, Louis nodded in response. "I thought it was over" He spoke, his gentle eyes looking back at me.
"Yeah, it's over"
Jackson was my ex boyfriend. I met him my 2nd year in University. He was a business student, we had one of our electives together. We quickly became friends, and when he asked me out a couple months later, nothing really held me back. Our relationship was far from easy, Jack had a hard head, and a closed mind. He was all sorts of broken, and I intended to fix him. We dated for a year and a half, before people found out.
Jackson was a good person, and I loved him. I wanted to fix him. When he was drunk, it was like he was a different person altogether; someone who's beyond fixing. I remember the first time it happened, he played it off the next day as an accident, realizing the bruises that decorated my arms and legs. He apologized, and promised it was a one time thing; I should've known that empty promises was something he was good at. When Zoe found out, rather, when she saw my black eye, she freaked out. She demanded me to tell her the truth, which I refused, and after a month of not speaking with her, I caved. I told her everything, showed her all the marks. She didn't hesitate in calling Harry, while I was sleeping after a long night of crying, to which I responded in storming out of her dorm, and ignoring her for a full week; furious that she told him.
It wasn't until I got back from classes one day, and walked in my room to find a curly haired boy sitting on my bed with my best friend leaning against the dresser, when I finally broke down. No more energy, no more fire. I was broken. Harry ended up staying for 2 weeks, making sure I had completely ended it with Jackson and that everything was okay before he booked the next flight back to London. During his time spent here, Louis and Eleanor were the only two others who knew about what had happened, due to their frequent calls and video chats.
"He was so worried about you when he got back" Louis said breaking me free from my thoughts.
The plate of pasta in my hands was still full and now cold.
"He helped me so much" I spoke, realizing I finally admitted that both out loud and to myself.
"Rylynn," Louis tired voice spoke up "Did Jackson do anything else after Harry left? He just hurt you a couple of times when he was drunk right? Nothing more. We were always so scared that he would come back," Louis asked his voice shaking. I wanted to lie, to say no, he didn't come after me after Harry left. I wanted to tell Louis that Jackson didn't break into my dorm the night Harry left and force himself into me. I wanted to badly to lie, but I couldn't.
"Louis-" I whispered fear taking over my face.
"What did he do to you" I hear a familiar voice from balcony door.
"How long have you been standing there?" I asked meeting his tired green eyes.
"Rylynn answer the question, what did he do to you?" Harry spoke, venom and hate lacing each words.
"You know what he did Harry, you saw the marks" I spoke shakily as I looked to Louis.
"Do not play dumb. Rylynn. What did he do to you after I left" Harry said his voice getting louder, as he walked over to stand across from me.
"Let it go mate, she's had a rough day" Louis said as he caught the sight of tears forming in my eyes, clearly realizing this was not a conversation I was ready to have with Harry yet.
"Louis, she was just about to fucking answer you. She can answer the question" Harry said still staring at me. "What did he do"
I looked up at the boy, the words written all over my face. I didn't have to say them, he knew. Harry knew. He knew that he raped me. He knew that Jackson was capable of it.
"No" was all Harry said as he pushed his hair out of his eyes in frustration. "Tell me he didn't, Rylynn" Harry said looking at me.
A choked cry escaped my mouth as the plate of pasta fell from my hands and onto my white carpet.
"Fuck, Rylynn" Harry said as I watched a dark colour take over this soft face, tears blurring my vision. "He touched you," Harry said fuming, shaking his head in response.
"Har-" I said from the spot I was frozen in.
"Don't. Just don't," Harry shouted as he made his way to the front door.
"Harry," I said rushing out of my seat. He stopped, sadness crossing his face as he looked down at me. "Please, Haz. Don't go. Not now." I whispered. He stood there staring at me before he walked back into my house, straight to the balcony and slamming the door behind him.
"Shh" Harry smiled down at me as he put his finger on his mouth, holding back a laugh. His hair was, messy and pushed up on top of his head. "She's trying to make breakfast" Harry said gesturing to the kitchen behind me, as he giggled. I smiled up at him as I turned my body to face towards the sounds coming from the kitchen. My back was against Harry's hard chest as his arms hung limply on my hips under the blankets.
"Standing on your mama's porch you told me that you'd wait forever" I heard Zoe singing off tune from the kitchen, "Oh the way you held my hand, I knew that it was now or never. THOSE WERE THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE"
I looked up at Harry who unlike me was controlling his laugh. I burst out laughing as Harry's hand came up to cover my mouth, just as Zoe walked into the living room.
"Best days off your life huh Zo?" I asked as a laugh rang through me.
"Shut up" She said flipping me off.
"Let's see that air guitar again" Harry said laughing.
"Fuck off, both of you"
"IT WAS THE SUMMER OF 69" Harry sang as I sat up on the couch that we shared last night. As soon as I moved to sit up, I regretted it. My back was completely thrown off.
"ouch" I said as I stood up only to sit back down. "My back is done" I said looking at Harry
"Come here" he said as I scooted closer to him. He pushed my hair to one side as he gently began massaging my back. I closed my eyes as he rubbed his hands all over, knowing exactly where to add just the right amount of pressure. My stomach filled with that familiar feeling that I always got around Harry as he worked.
"When did you get this?" Harry whispered as he brushed my hair away from my neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps. It was too early for this much contact.
"What?" I asked as my breath hitched in my throat, hearing Harry chuckle before he continued.
"The tattoo, when did you get it" Harry said as he ran his fingers over the script.
"I got it a while ago, In Australia" I said allowing myself to relax further into Harry.
"What does it mean," I heard his whisper
"She fly's with her own wings" I said quietly, remembering back to that time in my life, the reason I got those 3 latin words engraved on me. "That's what it means"
"Was It after he-"
"Yeah," I didn't let Harry finish "It was after him"
I felt the tears to begin build in the back of my eyes, shaking, remembering the events that took place only 6 months ago.
"Fuck you Rylynn", "You deserve all the shit I'm doing to you, you should be thanking me" "I'm drunk and I want you, baby. I want you to make me feel good." "Be good tonight, and maybe I won't be so hard on you"
"ZOE!" I screamed as tears pooled down my face running into the arms of my best friend, "He's here, I can hear him" I said as panic filled my voice and took over my face as I began to breath heavy.
"I can hear him" I said shaking, "Zoe, I can hear him"
"Shh, he's not here. He's never going to come near you again" She whispered into my ear, as I slid onto the kitchen floor. "Harry, she's having a panic attack,"
"Yea, yeah. Ry, babe. Come hear" I barely heard Harry say, all I could hear was his voice in my head, repeating every nasty word, every nasty threat. I could see his dark eyes as they moved closer towards me. I could see him hurting me, I could see my limp fragile body underneath him.
"Ry, babe" I could hear Harry now. "Rylynn, baby. I'm going to pick you up." Harry said as he slowly reached out to pull me towards him.
"NO, GET AWAY, I HATE YOU" I screamed, as I pushed him away. I don't want him to hurt me, I don't want him to touch me like that again.
"Ry, it's me. It's Harry, it's me" He said as he rubbed his thumb over my cheek bones, I finally opened my eyes to see my best friend looking worried, his eyes glossy.
"Haz?" I whispered.
"Yes, Ry, it's me you're safe come here" he said from his kneeling position in front of me, his arms wide open, a encouraging half smile on his face.
I've never moved so fast in my life. Harry's arms wrapped tight around me as I hurried into them, shaking and crying, placing my head in his neck. He picked me up, holding me tight, as I wrapped my arm around his neck.
"Shhh, you're alright" He whispered to me.
"How did you get her off the floor," I heard Zoe ask.
"I don't know, I talked to her" He said as he placed me into my bed, before I pulled the covers tight around me.
-
My eyes fluttered open. Everything hurt.
Without even having to look in the mirror, I knew my eyes were puffy and lips were swollen from all the crying I had done today.
I was doing so well.
I finally moved, on. I finally forgot what he had done to me. It had been almost 7 months and I could finally go to sleep at night without having nightmares about the past.
I rolled over looking at the clock on my nightstand. 2:04am
Had I been in bed all day.
I grabbed my phone, my towel and the first sweater I could see on the floor near my closet. I walked into the shower, closing the door behind me as I ran the hot water; stripping of my clothes, I got inside and let the water fall on me. I had no energy to scrub myself, and my hair. I was exhausted.
Wrapping the towel around myself, after 20 minutes of standing there, I changed into a sweater and pyjama shorts. Making my way back to my bed room, before hearing faint voices from down the hall.
"What are you doing, Haz?" I heard a voice, whisper that sounded much like Louis'
"I don't know" I heard Harry reply, I could now almost see as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.
"I's okay," Louis said as he reverted his gaze to me, standing in the doorway. "Ry"
Harry head shot in my direction, as he rubbed his tired eyes, before walking over to me.
"Hi" I offered a small smile as I walked further into the room, standing in front of Harry. "Why are you guys here?" I asked moving past Harry to sit on the couch.
"I haven't left all day, Zoe is at her cousins, she forgot they had plans tonight. Said She'll be back tomorrow morning" Harry said before a yawn broke through his face, "Do you want something to eat?" He asked making his way into the kitchen. I guess I was going to eat whether I liked it or not.
"How you feeling love," Louis asked as I brought the blanket around my legs.
"Like shit" I replied, earning a small chuckle from him as Harry's phone on the coffee table started ringing.
"Lou can you get that?" Harry said as I heard pot's an pans being messed with in the kitchen.
"Hello," Louis said as he answered, "Hey Laura, how are you" He spoke quietly. "Harry wasn't picking up the phone at home?" Louis asked.
"Lou, lemme talk to her. Here Ry, I made pasta earlier," Harry said walking out of the kitchen as he handed me the plate in his hands.
"Hold on here he is" Louis said handing the phone over to Harry.
"Hi, babe." Harry said as he made his way over to my balcony, "No I'm not at home actually" was all we heard before the door shut.
"What happened Ry," was the first thing Louis said.
"I don't know Lou, it was weird. I haven't had a panic attack in so long" I said as I moved the pasta around in my plate, picking at the few meatballs.
"Did it have to do with Jackson?" Louis asked in a whisper, afraid of the reaction I would offer, I suppose. When I closed my eyes, and drew in a small breath, Louis nodded in response. "I thought it was over" He spoke, his gentle eyes looking back at me.
"Yeah, it's over"
Jackson was my ex boyfriend. I met him my 2nd year in University. He was a business student, we had one of our electives together. We quickly became friends, and when he asked me out a couple months later, nothing really held me back. Our relationship was far from easy, Jack had a hard head, and a closed mind. He was all sorts of broken, and I intended to fix him. We dated for a year and a half, before people found out.
Jackson was a good person, and I loved him. I wanted to fix him. When he was drunk, it was like he was a different person altogether; someone who's beyond fixing. I remember the first time it happened, he played it off the next day as an accident, realizing the bruises that decorated my arms and legs. He apologized, and promised it was a one time thing; I should've known that empty promises was something he was good at. When Zoe found out, rather, when she saw my black eye, she freaked out. She demanded me to tell her the truth, which I refused, and after a month of not speaking with her, I caved. I told her everything, showed her all the marks. She didn't hesitate in calling Harry, while I was sleeping after a long night of crying, to which I responded in storming out of her dorm, and ignoring her for a full week; furious that she told him.
It wasn't until I got back from classes one day, and walked in my room to find a curly haired boy sitting on my bed with my best friend leaning against the dresser, when I finally broke down. No more energy, no more fire. I was broken. Harry ended up staying for 2 weeks, making sure I had completely ended it with Jackson and that everything was okay before he booked the next flight back to London. During his time spent here, Louis and Eleanor were the only two others who knew about what had happened, due to their frequent calls and video chats.
"He was so worried about you when he got back" Louis said breaking me free from my thoughts.
The plate of pasta in my hands was still full and now cold.
"He helped me so much" I spoke, realizing I finally admitted that both out loud and to myself.
"Rylynn," Louis tired voice spoke up "Did Jackson do anything else after Harry left? He just hurt you a couple of times when he was drunk right? Nothing more. We were always so scared that he would come back," Louis asked his voice shaking. I wanted to lie, to say no, he didn't come after me after Harry left. I wanted to tell Louis that Jackson didn't break into my dorm the night Harry left and force himself into me. I wanted to badly to lie, but I couldn't.
"Louis-" I whispered fear taking over my face.
"What did he do to you" I hear a familiar voice from balcony door.
"How long have you been standing there?" I asked meeting his tired green eyes.
"Rylynn answer the question, what did he do to you?" Harry spoke, venom and hate lacing each words.
"You know what he did Harry, you saw the marks" I spoke shakily as I looked to Louis.
"Do not play dumb. Rylynn. What did he do to you after I left" Harry said his voice getting louder, as he walked over to stand across from me.
"Let it go mate, she's had a rough day" Louis said as he caught the sight of tears forming in my eyes, clearly realizing this was not a conversation I was ready to have with Harry yet.
"Louis, she was just about to fucking answer you. She can answer the question" Harry said still staring at me. "What did he do"
I looked up at the boy, the words written all over my face. I didn't have to say them, he knew. Harry knew. He knew that he raped me. He knew that Jackson was capable of it.
"No" was all Harry said as he pushed his hair out of his eyes in frustration. "Tell me he didn't, Rylynn" Harry said looking at me.
A choked cry escaped my mouth as the plate of pasta fell from my hands and onto my white carpet.
"Fuck, Rylynn" Harry said as I watched a dark colour take over this soft face, tears blurring my vision. "He touched you," Harry said fuming, shaking his head in response.
"Har-" I said from the spot I was frozen in.
"Don't. Just don't," Harry shouted as he made his way to the front door.
"Harry," I said rushing out of my seat. He stopped, sadness crossing his face as he looked down at me. "Please, Haz. Don't go. Not now." I whispered. He stood there staring at me before he walked back into my house, straight to the balcony and slamming the door behind him.
Notes
Hello !
Sorry, I went to go post this last night and my internet was being so annoying ! Regardless it's up now, I was so scared to post this chapter, I feel like this this really a turning point for the story and now is where everything really starts building. I hope It's okay and I hope you all enjoy it !
Please let me know in the comments what you think.
Allie. xxxxx
When are you going to update again?? Haha just wondering :)))
7/16/14