Masked
A Happy Place
Harry’s POV
5 hours later…
I toss and turn in my bed, unable to go to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, dark, demonic visions stare back at me, haunting me, taunting me.
“You’ll never see Louis again”
“When the little ball of sunshine leaves your life, you’ll have nobody. Nobody Styles, nobody.”
“Think, Harry, what is life without Louis? Nothing.”
“Your best friend? Pah, your only friend!”
I eventually cannot stand the noise of the voices, so I slam my fist on the wall and curse my darned necrophobia.
“Get out, get out, get out of my head!” I scream, tears streaming down my face. “It’s an arm, not an organ. He doesn’t have cancer! This isn’t like those tragic accidents that bring nothing but sadness in your life!!!”
“Who are you kidding, Styles, you’re too depressed to become even worse.” The breezy voice inside my head will not be quiet.
“Shut up!!!” I scream, slamming my head on the wall. “Shut up! Get out of my head! I don’t need you in my life!!!”
They say slamming your head destroys neurons. Perhaps I can destroy enough neurons to numb my pain.
“Get out of my head, my life, my entire existence!!! I don’t need you making my life more of a living hell than it already is!!! For God’s sake, I live with a man who drinks his life away and a woman who is never home because I don’t have any real parents, and you’re saying the one thing in my life that has a heart is just going to leave me like that?! Well I’m telling you, get out of my head before I go in there and make you get out!!!”
“You’re too weak to even try.”
“AAARGH!!!” I shout, grabbing my knife from the table. “Get out of my head!!! Stop ruining my life!!! Louis will not die!!! Life will not become meaningless!!!”
I slash at my head, not caring that I am destroying my hair and bleeding at the same time. All that matters as of the moment is that that stupid voice in my head gets out. I don’t wince at the touch of my knife, for there is a far deeper pain I feel.
After about a few minutes, I am beginning to feel a little light-headed, either because of the amount of blood lost or from the fact that it’s nearly 2 in the morning. My strength is waning, like the crescent moon in the evening sky, but I don’t care. The pain inside me burns me more than the slash of the knife. Suddenly, the knife slips, and I end up cutting my neck.
“Styles,” The breathy voice inside my head says. “If you kill yourself, you’ll end up in hell with all those demons.”
“S-shut up, brain. I’m not gonna die,” I whisper, dropping the knife on the floor.
You know that time when Niall, Zayn and Liam were arguing about Thanatophobia and Necrophobia and I said I am both? Well, here’s your proof: I fear the dead so I fear dying.
I am too weak to stand up and go to bed, so I lean against the wall and try to think of something happy.
“Go to your happy place, Harry,”I tell myself. “Go to your happy place.”
5 hours later…
I toss and turn in my bed, unable to go to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, dark, demonic visions stare back at me, haunting me, taunting me.
“You’ll never see Louis again”
“When the little ball of sunshine leaves your life, you’ll have nobody. Nobody Styles, nobody.”
“Think, Harry, what is life without Louis? Nothing.”
“Your best friend? Pah, your only friend!”
I eventually cannot stand the noise of the voices, so I slam my fist on the wall and curse my darned necrophobia.
“Get out, get out, get out of my head!” I scream, tears streaming down my face. “It’s an arm, not an organ. He doesn’t have cancer! This isn’t like those tragic accidents that bring nothing but sadness in your life!!!”
“Who are you kidding, Styles, you’re too depressed to become even worse.” The breezy voice inside my head will not be quiet.
“Shut up!!!” I scream, slamming my head on the wall. “Shut up! Get out of my head! I don’t need you in my life!!!”
They say slamming your head destroys neurons. Perhaps I can destroy enough neurons to numb my pain.
“Get out of my head, my life, my entire existence!!! I don’t need you making my life more of a living hell than it already is!!! For God’s sake, I live with a man who drinks his life away and a woman who is never home because I don’t have any real parents, and you’re saying the one thing in my life that has a heart is just going to leave me like that?! Well I’m telling you, get out of my head before I go in there and make you get out!!!”
“You’re too weak to even try.”
“AAARGH!!!” I shout, grabbing my knife from the table. “Get out of my head!!! Stop ruining my life!!! Louis will not die!!! Life will not become meaningless!!!”
I slash at my head, not caring that I am destroying my hair and bleeding at the same time. All that matters as of the moment is that that stupid voice in my head gets out. I don’t wince at the touch of my knife, for there is a far deeper pain I feel.
After about a few minutes, I am beginning to feel a little light-headed, either because of the amount of blood lost or from the fact that it’s nearly 2 in the morning. My strength is waning, like the crescent moon in the evening sky, but I don’t care. The pain inside me burns me more than the slash of the knife. Suddenly, the knife slips, and I end up cutting my neck.
“Styles,” The breathy voice inside my head says. “If you kill yourself, you’ll end up in hell with all those demons.”
“S-shut up, brain. I’m not gonna die,” I whisper, dropping the knife on the floor.
You know that time when Niall, Zayn and Liam were arguing about Thanatophobia and Necrophobia and I said I am both? Well, here’s your proof: I fear the dead so I fear dying.
I am too weak to stand up and go to bed, so I lean against the wall and try to think of something happy.
“Go to your happy place, Harry,”I tell myself. “Go to your happy place.”
Notes
I usually write PG stories, but I have a feeling committing self-harm isn't PG so yeah, Masked is officially PG-13...
I hope I don't write anymore depressing chapters, but given that this story is about Harry's dark past, there might be quite a lot of that.
Anyway, I hope you all are still enjoying the story. Cheers!
Hi fellow person called Topaz :). I like your stories and wish you'd write more. Wanna collab?
- xx Toap
11/29/14