Surviving

I woke up with a jolt. I looked at my surroundings. Paige was asleep next to me, breathing slowly.

Things seemed so different now. I don't know if it's hearing that Harry and I are soulmates, or if itws the fact that I attempted suicide.

It hurt that my Bff/soulmate was separated from me. And my boyfriend. And ex. And my two really close friends. It felt like a shot to the heart.

I started reaching toward the berries. Yea, that's right, I'm fucking eating. Never thought I'd see the day.

As soon as I reached the berries crate, Paige woke. So much for being discreet.

"Hey Toni." She croaked.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have scared you like that." I apologized.

"No worries. I know there's nothing between you and Niall." She smiled. Wait, what?!

"I'm talking about trying to kill myself. Don't you remember?" I raised an eyebrow. Her eyes bulges out of her face.

"What? All that happened yesterday waz you telling me a story about you and Niall, then you fell asleep. What did I miss?"

Oh thank the lord, it was all just a dream.

"You didn't miss anything, it was just a dream. Just a stupid dream." I decided to try and talk to Harry about this. Maybe he'd know what was going on.

'Harry, talk to me. I'm scared.'

It took a minute before he responded.

'It's okay, love, tell me what's going on.'

I sighed out loud before thinking.

'I dreamt that I tried to drown myself. Then when I got to heaven, my father, your mother, Mel, and my grandparents were waiting for me. They told me to turn back, to come with you. Your mum said that we were soulmates. I have no idea what she means though.'

'Babe, it's just a dream. It means nothing. Don't worry about it. And don't think that that's God trying to tell you something. It's not. I had a dream once, you were dead, and your mother said that you were never gonna see us again, but here we are. The dream means nothing.'

That released me from my worries. Harry's mother wasn't dead, and we weren't soulmates.

'But what else did my mum say?' Harry asked.

'She said that we were meant to be on that plane together and it was meant to crash. And everyone said they love you.'

Harry didn't respond for a while. I just went on with my day. I jumped off of the raft after changing into my bathing suit.

When I started pulling, I thought of the dream. At this point, I drowned myself. But I'm not doing that this time.

I pulled as hard as I could. I wanted to get home. I wanted to see my friends.

HARRY'S POV

How come no one cares that two of our friends aee lost at a sea? Am I the only one? Lou, my best friend's boyfriend, doesn't even look like he cares. Are you serious?

"Effey, do you miss Tiny Toni too?" I heard Zayn say to the small lemur. It warmed my heart for two reasons. One, he missed her too. Two, he still calls her Tiny Toni.

Effey made a sound. He jumped around excitedly at the sound of his owners name. At least I'm not the only one.

"Hey Zayn?" I almost whispered to Zayn. He was on the raft in front of Niall and I.

"Yea?"

I sighed, "Why do you miss Toni?"


He started to explain, "Well, she was the love of my life. Hell, she still is. My feelings will never go away. But I can't do anything about it. She's taken."

"Yea, speaking of Louis, does it seem like he even misses her?"

"Honestly, no. Seems like they aren't even together. Like he has another girl on his mind." Zayn frowned.

"Don't bring it up with Lou, or Toni when we get home." I said, and he nodded.

Then Effey jumped on Zayn. I laughed, "Why does he love you so much?"

"I don't know. I feel bad that Toni's lemur is here with me instead of there with her." Zayn laughed.

"Believe me, that's the last thing on her mind." I swallowed thinking about what we talked about earlier.

No one should have to go through a nightmare like that. No one.

TONI'S POV

I was thinking all day. And I mean all day. I barely spoke at all. Paige tried to talk to me, and I gave her short answers. But I could see the pain and hurt in Paige's eyes, and it's my job to get it out.

"Paige, wanna hear a story?"

She nodded and I started.

*FLASHBACK*

The boys, Mel, and I were on vacation, going skiing. I know, cold. But I don't give a fuck.

We were all in Mel's mom's van, and driving to the resort. Suddenly, Liam turned on the radio.


Torn by Natalie Imbruglia came on. I knew this song, but I was way too tired to sing. Same with Mel. But the boys sang.

"I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm
He came around
Like he was dignified
You showed showed me what it was to cry."
Liam sang.

"Well you couldn't be that man I adore
You don't seem to know
Or seem to care
What your heart is for
Well I don't know him anymore."
Louis sang. "There's nothing where he used to lie
The conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's fine I'm torn."
Harry sang. Then they all joined together.
"I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is Torn."
"You're a little late
I'm already torn."
Zayn and Niall sang together.

Then the radio was turned off. We arrived at the resort.

*FLASHBACK OVER*

"Toni, how come you always tell me stories with songs in them?" Paige asked me.

"Because... music is my life, and these memories mean more to me because they have songs in them. And the memories make the songs mean more to me." I explained.

"Wow. Deep."

"Yea." I could barely hear myself talk. The water around us was suddenly louder.

I looked around. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. So I just kept talking to Paige.

"So, what songs are special to you?" I asked. She thought for a moment before answering.

"Well, I had this boyfriend, Jason, and he used to sing it to me everyday before he left my house. Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood." She looked sad, "Then Violet had a song, she always sang it in the shower, A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. And Alexis, she was in love with Love Song by Sara Berreilles. She sang it over and over. again. every. day." Paige explained.

"Melissa liked this one song. I Don't Wanna Be In Love by Good Charlotte." I looked down as I felt a tear run down my cheek at the memory. She was gone now, no doubt about it.

Suddenly, the loud sound got louder, and I looked up in time to see a waterfall, and in the far distance, like days away, a town. A Town!!!

"Paige! We're gonna make it, there's land! As long as we survive this waterfall."

I pointed behind her and she turned us around so we were both facing the waterfall.

It was about the length of a football field away. I'm honestly scared if I'll make it.

'Harry, there's a waterfall in front of us, and a few miles away, there's a town. I'll see you when you get home.'

'Alright. Be careful. Contact me when you get the chance.' Harry said.

'Okay, if we make it over the waterfall. Bye.' I smiled in real life.

'Bye, Tons.'

I felt tears run over my face. This could be the last time I speak to my best friend.

I felt the sorrow stop as we neared the large waterfall, and fear took over.

The waterfall was only about 100 feet away

Notes

Alright, I'm not dead. The next chapter is longer.

Q: Wazzup with Lou?

bye!