Broken Record.

Watching everyone get ready was really weird. I didn't feel like I was watching it happen, or that I was watching it but felt nothing, I know though if I did I would feel petrified. I don't know what was worse, watching Louis put a vest over his chest and then sliding various guns of all sizes into hidden pockets, or Zayn strapping random knives to his chest, waist and upper leg. It was weird to watch two people I had grown close to and know the sweet side of strapping killing machines to themselves. My eyes flickered around the kitchen. Des and my dad stand at the kitchen door, apparently 'the room' downstairs was off limits and they knew I could and would be nosey. Then another thought blew up in my head. What if something happened to Harry? My dad? I felt a bit sick after thinking that and Eleanour must have noticed because she came over from her spot on the counter to where I was standing.
"Rina babe, you okay? You look a bit pale... Well paler than usual" she half laughed.
" yeah I'm fine, just a bit scared I guess."
"oh I remember that feeling, I don't know what I would do if Louis or I fact any of them got hurt... Or died. We are a family and we love each other. I understand you have your dad and Harry to potentially lose but please don't worry babe, they know what they are doing I promise. It gets easier with time too" she grins down at me, her brown eyes twinkling. Louis and Harry come over. Harry props me up on the counter and stands between my legs, Lou dragging El elsewhere.
"You alright baby?"
"yeah I'm fine" I try my most reassuring smile but by the look on his face it didn't work. I was always told I was a good actress and so this confused me, how did he see right through me?
"you can't lie to me Marina. What is the matter." He asks. "Is it about what I said earlier... My um age"
"no!!! I have already told you about my not caring about that, I love you and I am scared. I am scared of the thought of losing you, I almost did once Harry and I-I can't do that again. My dad aswell. All of you, it's not even been long since and already I care for you all so much. Look at what happens when you leave me. Look." I lift my arm up and the dark line marks my arm.
"Listen to me, if anything does happen, it won't because we're amazing at what we do" he adds with a wink "I need you,to promise me not to do that again" he nods to my arm. "The letter. I need you to keep it and just know that I mean every word. I love you" he says as he leans in slowly brushing his nose down the bridge of mine. "She don't cry" he whispers as a single tear falls from my eyes. He kisses my lips once and then desperation takes over the both of us, I kiss him like it could be the last time I do and he kisses back just the same.
"I love you Harold. Be careful." I say as my dad stands next to us.
"um I will just..." Harry begins but my dad cuts him off.
"I want to say something to the both of you. I love you. I love you both so much. Angel I'm sorry I had to bring you into this, I bet you are so scared, but don't be, we will be fine, right Harry?" My dad smirks.
"absolutely." Harry grins and my dad opens his arms and engulf us both into his warm arms.
"Both of you be careful. I love you." I say and look down. I feel exhausted however I know I will not get a wink of sleep knowing they won't necessarily be safe. I sigh as they walk out of the door and my thoughts begin to overtake my mind.
"Shit hang on!" I hear and then I am embraced in a pair of arms I recognise as Harry's, then another pair, I know it's Louis by the warmth radiating off him.
"Don't worry love we will be back. Promise. Love you princess!" He grins and walks to the door. Zany then looks up at me, his previous position his head hanging low. He engulfs me in a huge hug his tattoos visible everywhere, they are all dressed in dark-or black- clothes.
"I don't want you to be worried or do anything, ever. Okay? Okay Rina now listen to me, go with Perrie and El if they go anywhere but if not just curl up on the sofa and watch some telly for a bit yeah? Love you." He kisses the top of my head and turns to leave. A few more tears flow down my face but then they are wiped away, the rough warm hands smell of peppermint and I know it's Harry.
"Hey, what did I say about crying? I will be back I promise." He says and kisses the last away. I swallow the lump that's choking me and watch the door close.





It hurts.

Notes

So! Whatcha think?