LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)
"I'm sorry" I walk away from him as my subconscious warns me about what I was going to do. I can't do this to him. He doesn't deserve me at all. I'm a wreck. I saw how happy he was all of a sudden and then I just pulled away his mood changing. I wanna tell him its not his fault as I run back to my room shutting the door. I hope he does not follow me.
I'm a wreck. I know he loves me now but what if when he finds out everything about me. I know I'm gonna be all alone again. I wont be able to face him then when he gets to now about every fucking scar on my body. I can't do that to him he deserves somebody perfect. Somebody with no scars. Somebody who's not wrecked. Somebody who could love him back with all he has. Somebody who doesn't cry every night for loving somebody.
I can't let me hurt him. I decide to stay away. Keep a little distance. But what the fuck am I doing.
I soo wanna punch a hole in the wall. So much. So. fucking. much.
I take a deep breath,count till ten and then walk into the bathroom for a shower kicking off my shoes and pants.
The warm water somewhat soothes my nerves and I'm so kind of normal now. I walk out of the bathroom wrapping a towel around my waist.
I walk to the cupboard. I open the cupboard and,
"Fuck..!" I curse under my breath as the leather binder and all the pages fall down on my toe and I'm jumping there on one foot.
Who the hell did this? Who would sneak into my cupboard and go through my papers like that. I am not gonna spare him.
Louis. Goddamn is it Louis? Louis went through all these. I take a step back pulling onto the ends of my hair. Shit. Has he read all this already before I could tell him? Maybe that is why he behaved a bit weird when I entered.?
But he never asked me anything. ?Or maybe he is waiting for me to tell him?
Fuck. fuck. fuck. I sit back on my bed still in my boxers and towel.
I gulp down the nervous lump and get dressed tossing over a black tee shirt and my navy blue shorts and I swirl back my still wet hair.
I pick up the file and the papers giving five minutes to arrange them date wise and in order. I keep it back in the place and walk out locking my room.
"Louis!" I call out as I walk faster in the hallway.
"Yeah?" He shouts back from the kitchen.
Shit. shit. Shit.
He will dfntly be angry with me from doing that. I know i would've been too if somebody just went through some of my personal stuff.
"Yeah?" I answer him loud enough. He defintly sounds furious.
"Did u like go through my stuff?" He's almost going to enter the kitchen.
And there he enters. I don't look up still chopping some chillies and lettuce. I try to make myself busy.
"Nope" I don't look up. Fuck. Why am I so nervous I didn't do anything wrong. I just read his name on his file that's it.
"You definitely went through my cupboard. You're wearing my tee shirt"
his hand his on his waist the other just does actions as he speaks.
"Yeah I mean I did took tee shirt from your cupboard but I didn't go through your stuff" I shrug.
"Oh okay" he nods "i mean I was just wondering if u went through a f-file?" He gulps down stuttering.
"I didn't" I tell him finally looking up at him.
"Is that the truth?" He walks closer.
"Now you dont trust me, do you?" I ask him rasing an eyebrow. "I do, that's not the point" he sighs deeply as if something he's tryna hide didn't come out.
"Then I said I didn't go through, it means I didn't. You don't have to ask me again and again. I just read you name on it and I was abt to keep it back you rang the bell and it startled me so the file dropped off my hands." I tell him."I'm sorry"
"No no Louis..." He walks closer down to me almost a foot apart as if he does not want to touch me. But I need his touch. He needs to know that. He needs to know he can touch me without permission.
I don't know what's going on his head what hes thinking. But now that I told him I did read his file over there's this relief on his face I can't even understand for what it is.
I turn of the gas and turn to him closer, my hands wrapping around his wrist and I move it to my waist. He flinches a little but then relaxes under my touch. I nuzzle into his chest and breath n his fresh scent. He smells amazing.
"Can I sleep in ur bed tonite?" I ask him
"Does that mean I'll sleep in urs?"
"No. We can sleep together right?"I answer his innocence.
"Yeah" he speaks after a 5 second pause.
He's cute. Isn't he??
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