LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)
The week passed recording songs for brand new artists. Though Simon did not like recording w artists c it always took up 2-3 days recording a song as they would end up messing all notes. Simon hates such stuff.
He usually picks already established singers and he knows they won't just mess up a note cz they know how much time is important to them.
Simon has his two rules.
1)live for money
2)time is money, once wasted won't ever come back.
This may sound all old fashion but he believed in it more than the organizational rules that ur supposed to be following.
And that is why he always thought about things which made him money and nothing else.
Its been two years working with him and I know, no matter how much something is dear to him he would give it up for money.
And that is why when my dad went over him to recommend me for the job he agreed first hand.
My father had sources in the industry from where he could gain fame and attract almost all singers who wanted to record music.
Not just this when I was working here, in the first month I got to know why I was being treated like a, u can call it king, because my father had signed up a bond with him that he keeps giving him charity of a million per year and he keeps me permanent on this job.
I didn't give a fuck really at the beginning co I was still into the whole trauma. The real trauma. I couldn't sleep for days, even months straight. And maybe for a week I didn't eat up anything.
I had to keep going to the hospital to visit Dr. John for regular check ups if my body was responding to normal routine of humans.
I would end up staying at the hospital for hours listening to long lectures about how food was important to me cz i had to take my medicines and if I didn't my metabolism and all shit that is related to it would start reacting the opposite.
I just sat there not really listening to it but end up listening to it.
For the first year I was given bout 6 bottles of pills. Vitamins and minerals were the big bottles which I had to take up 3 times a day.
And the other ones for I guess stimulating my hormones I guess.
But after a year of regular check ups and shit when the doctor said he had to take a few blood samples and some tests had to be conducted, I agreed fr the last time.
So after a week when I was called back to the hospital and he handed me the reports smiling weakly co I knew something was wrong coz no matter how much I thought everything happening with me was shit and those pills were shit, I was actually getting better.
But when I was a handed the file and I tried to understand what all those complex words on the paper meant I cudnt.
The doctor told me it was all going to be fine if I would just have another bottles of pills regularly.
I agreed. The doctor told me what was wrong with me and I accepted it at once.
I did not care about that insecurity inside me. Coz why? I lived alone nobody gave a shit about me not even my parents, yeah my mom would call me up sometimes and I was so glad about that. But yeah I loved my elder sister.
She would end up texting me sometimes about her new friends and her new boyfriends and how hot his bf's friend was. she would just keep me distracted all the time. i was so glad i was able to get myself distracted. That was the only source of happiness inside me.
When after a her high school she had a holiday about a month she came over. I was so happy. We would keep talking all night and we would visit Mrs butcherson almost everyday.
That time I actually progressed. My body had started behaving normal a bit and I would nt puke after eating.
She would force me to take baths, proper ones standing behind the curtain until she was satisfied.
I wasn't really like this before. She would even start sobbing while preparing me food and then when I asked her the reason she would simply say that it was just some onions or the oil or something but break down as soon as I exited the kitchen.
I felt shit like a real fucker for making Gemma cry. She didn't deserve to.
And that is why I forced her to go back. I could nt see her like that.
After she left I was again alone. I was back to my self harming ruotine. Coz I needed someone
to pay attention to me.
And there was nobody.
I felt like a complete jerk again. But I tried.
And then I thought about helping myself out.
I met zayn at a promotional event. He turned out to be a good lad. And I trusted him at once. He made me meet his two best friends niall and liam. I was had I met them.
My life started taking new tolls which I was glad of. I didn't harm myself rgualry now. Only when I started to feel.alone.
But yes now just let's shift all these thoughts away. I have my Louis beside me. Even if he sometimes mocks me out I know he cares for me. I hope he does.
Playing with his hair on a Wednesday night while he's asleep beside me all nuzzled into my chest as his legs lie on mine.
That fact that I'm half naked from top and he's wearing 5 layers of clothing underneath two layers of duvet makes me chucks everyone he shifts closer as a cold wave if wind from the window enters into my room.
The perfectly falling hair on his forehead makes him look so much child like even though he's elder. I slide down a bit so that I come directly in face to face contact with his lips. His thin upper lip is so red right n and his body feels so warm underneath.
I pull the duvet over him and myself to cover us till neck.
My hand snakes around his waist to pull him closer to me as he lying down on his stomach his face turned towards me.
As I pull him closer and my other arm shifts loser to him face as I romve the fringe which comes in my way of admiring his pretty face he moans softly his eyes a little bit flutteringg but shuts.
His lips part as he mumbles something his hot breath falling on my nose. My heart could just burst out now. Its pounding so hard against Louis' chest.
He's smiling faintly as his body relaxes down a bit more when I tuck my hand at hem of his sweater from his back.
My hands are warm so I don't have to wrry about him waking up if my hands were cld.
His long eyelashes perfectly curled up flutters a little as I pull out his tee shirt from his pants and pull it up and let my hand travel down slowly up his perfectly curved back.
His eyes flutter again and he shakes a bit as he slowly opens his eyes looking directly into mine.
"Gudmoning harry" he breathes whispering raspily as his hot breath falls on my skin. He yawns lightly and his eye lids batter.
"Its still 1 in the morning Lou" I whisper almost into his ear
"So why did you wake me up?" His eyebores knit together and then he realises something and I smile.
"U little shit" he says as his eyes crinkle up making him smile deeply his non existent dimples coming into view.
His hand trails up my arm to my shoulder as I flinch a little but my muscles relax back.
"Do I look different?" He speaks up his hand cupping my cheek as his thumb caresses tracing down my lower lip.
Louis doing this to me really makes me feel special right now. Not because I was feeling something which I've only dreamt of. really Louis doing all this when he doesn't even look at you like that cz he's so shy is such a great thing.
That fact that he touched me gently makes me think other way round.
"No! Why?" I say low so that my voice reaches only him. I could give my complete self to him right now.
"Coz you've been staring at me like that for the last five minutes and it makes me feel different"
"but well for that i'd have to see you naked" i chuckle and win a grin on his face in return.
Even before he could complete I smash my lips on his puling him close to me, my other hand already underneath his shirt.
He squirms a little making my heart beat faster. I couldn't contain in. I couldn't. From the past few time ive kissed him this one feels so much special so much more passionate as my lips glide along his so perfectly.
I wanted to kiss him till my lips went sore and my lungs started burning. Even if I go breathless I wouldn't c.are
He pushes into me craving for me and I push into him craving for him. I've never been so greedy for something or somebody. And its not somebdy.
Its Louis that I'm greedy for.
And I don't want it to change. Like ever. I want it to be Louis no matter how long or short the time period maybe. But I just want it to be him who lays down beside me.
"Harr--eh" he moans into me pulling a bit apart but I pul him closer. My hands on his waist as I kiss into him. My hands were sweaty and shaking. I'm almost out f breath but I can't stop I don't want to stop.
No matter how much I have him for me I cant have him enough.
He's begging for entrance and I allow his tongue to glide along mine. I taste his lips as I pull across his lower lip as his mouth escapes a groan.
I don't even realize there are tears forming up in my eyes. I lose control of everything right now. My hands slides out from underneath his shirt as I put back almost breathless my eyes starting t wet. I don't even know the real reason why I did start crying right in the middle of something so perfect. Louis frowns a little a I look at him with my blurry eyes. But I can't look at him. I don't deserve to look at something so perfect. His hair is so messy as they cover almost his forehead. His face is heated up making his blush turn more red as his eyes are closed trying to regain breath
Before he opens his eyes and looks at the terrible me I flinch his hand away and turn on my other side trying to stop the tears from falling but I can't help. This time I was natural. It wasn't something from when I hurt myself and I would cry in pain. This was something different.
I was crying, I know. I was shaking, I know that too. But the reasons were different this time. The reasons were all related to the person lying beside me.
I don't want to hurt him. The fact that he is so strong he didn't cry after his first night here makes him love even more.but I don't want to break hi heart. No matter how far I want be from him right now I know I wanna be much closer. I don't I don't want to hurt.
The fact that he will get to know sometime that I was raped and I was into soo much stuff I know it would break his heart a million tines more than it has broken mine. And I cant afford to see that happening in front of me. No I can't. That just make me feel guilty for things I font have control on. I don't know how much I try to deny the focus that I could somehow be all right without him makes me shake inside a little more.
"Harry?" Louis calls out with worry in his tone as he places his hand on my bare shoulder. My skin was warm a little while ago. But it's cold again. His arm skin makes me melt inside making my tears fall out rapidly than before.
"What's wrong? C'mon look here turn around haz" he presses into my shoulder making me forcibly turn around and I do fall for his words.
I don't dare to look up as I bury my face into the pillow as his hand travels along my back as he tries to sooth my body under neath the duvet.
"Is there something I did I'm really sorry fr that please look here" his voice chokes
I gather courage the pillow soaking my tears as I turn my face to him and my hand travels back on his back.
"Umm i-i just thought of a joke and that made me cry I'm sorry" I say trying to contain my thoughts.
"R u stupid? Who cries on a joke? God fuckin idiot" he frowns but a smile plays at the corner of his lips as he rolls his eyes.
"You wanna hear the joke?" I ask as I scoot a little closer to him.
"Nope, not now" he shakes his head a little but I know he wants to know.
"Okay! So--" I begin. "Knock knock?"
"What knock knock?" He looks at me confused
"Its a knock knock joke silly just listen.."
"I said NO" he protests.
"Knock knock?" I begin again
"Who's there?" He almost mumbles rolling his eyes
"Harry" I say as a smile appear on his lips and I start smiling automatically.
"Harry who?" He looks at me eagerly for an answer his eyes beginning to shine bright blue in dim yellow lights.
"Harry up in its cold outside" and I chuckle loudly as I could and Louis just slaps his forehead in disgust.
Though his reaction was almost as I expected it to be but he looked cute when he did that almost blushing under the duvet.
"It was good!" I say as I pul his chin up so that he could look at me with those bright blue eyes.
"You are hopeless" he mutters shifting closer his hands reach out to my curls as his fingers dig in pulling my face closer to him and I feel his lips brushing lightly against mine. Shivers tracle down my spine as the rugs rock in my heart vanishes away. Though the previous thought process which told me I shouldn't be any closer to him I was just being pulled into a kiss and through it.
But I could be a bit selfish, couldn't I?
And as they "man is the biggest selfish animal"
I moan in return and my hands snake around his waist pulling him close to me so that our lowers touched.
His hands slowly drifted to my chest as they lay flat on them. He could almost feel my thumping heart on his hand.
I squirm as his hand slightly presses against my chest and I hold him tightly as ever. Not wanting him to leave me. Ever.
I don't even have a fucking idea how will I get over him. I need to. I know but how.
He pulls away lightly his forehead resting against mine.
"I thought I could buy you a present?” Louis speaks up after a little while when hes gained back his breath as he lay beside me.
“a pr-present? For me?” I ask him unsure
"yeah yeah” he nods smiling
“well I have everything I need to live perfectly, and you know it. I have you” blushing couldn’t be more easier as my cheeks couldn’t be more red than the color of blood.
I know somewhere his heart maybe pounding loudly because mine did. It couldn’t beat faster than this. My hand reached his chin as I brushed my thumb against his soft glowing skin. I could hear my heartbeat as loudly as I could it when everything right now was silent between us. He leaned into my hand calmly.
”c’mon I’ll get you a present?” I say as I pull back from his hold and get down the bed making him turn on his back.
“c’mon get up now don’t you want a present?” I frown looking at him as I reach out my hand so that he could get up.
“I’m not getting out of this bed. Its so warm in here and please, you could just give to me here right?” he protests sounding annoying.
“I’ll keep you warm just get up once?” I almost say it nicely so that he could get up
“no, Harold I’m not getting up” he pulls the cover over his head
“please?" I kneel down beside him on the side of the bed.
“please lou its not that cold? I promise you wont have to step down and anyway the heat machines on in every room!”I try to convince him giving genuine reasons but he wont budge. He just nods me off like that under the cover.
a stubborn ass he is!
Hes gotta get up anyway otherwise I’m picking him up “Ive had you enough lewis. This is the last time I’m asking. Do you want it or not?” I try to sound a bit annoying so that maybe he shows me his face.
He pulls away the cover “okay what is it?” I almost squeal from excitement as I get up on my feet and insert my arm under his thigh and his neck picking him up.
“what the fuCK. iS. tHis?” his eyes widen as he punches me on the chest trying to pull away.
“’m stronger, remember?” I raise my eyebrow at him smirking as I walk out of the room into the hallway.
“where are you taking me???” he shouts into me his hand wraping around my neck for support.
“just wait” I walk through the corridor to the left inot the narrow corridor and walking up a little stairs entering through the glass door, the lights switiching on automatically.
“I swear if u drop me—“he growls grinding his teeth
“I wont , I have enough practice” I tell him
“when?” he's confused
“whenever you sleep on the couch and end up on your bed somehow” I smirk
“okay I get it” he leaves a puff of breah
“you remember this room?”i ask him as we enter in kicking the glass door
“definitely, my birthd—“
“and Christmas..” I complete his senyence
“after which I ended up at the hospital? U remember that?” he mocks rolling his eyes at me
“oh shut up”
“you don’t tell me to shut up, and will you please put me down?” he sasses
“okay just wait”i search for something
“finally I’m safe” he says in the dark
“its warmer here isn’t it? I ask him if he's fine ally not cold.
I clap once the lights switch on
"What the fuck?" He looks at me with wide eyes sitting on the bed his legs crossed.
"You clap ped so that the the lights switch on?" He's so surprised I don't know why but he looks adorable right now.
"Yeah I did. It only works for me. It won't if you do it!" I shrug
"Seriously?"he looks at me for confirmation
"Yeah " he mouths as he walks over to the bar beside the bed
“yeah and why does this smell smoke in here? Last time too it smelled the same”
“I don’t know it just does”
“could you get me some water please, coz apparently i cant drink from those crystal shining collection of yours”
“you are just allergic to vine so u could have a vodka or scotch for that matter?”
“but I oonly like vine and please I don’t know if im allergic to the others too so I seriously I wouldn’t want to try”
“okay I’ll I get you water but u’ll have to do me a favour?”
“I don’t do favours people do me”
“yeah I’ll be back in a minute I hope you r faster than I think”
And I walk out of the room smirking and you could say blushing too. Real hard. I just hope he's ready when I reach.
I hurry up to the kitchen and get a warm glass f water for him.
I hurry back up to the room and what I see is god.
He's ripped off every clothing on the floor except I guess he's still wearing the boxers as hes wrapped the silk sheets till his chest and he's sitting his eyes shut head resting at the back.
I try not to make any noise and get up on the bed keeping the glass of water on the night stand.
I know he knows that I'm here as I
see a smile propping up on his lips.
He opens his eyes "ur so eager tonite harry" he whispers as I pull the sheets up on me getting closer to him.
"Ur glass of water" I point it out to him.
"Thankyou " he whispers again as if someone could hear us.
"U don't fucking have an idea how many times you'd be thanking me tonite" I smirk beside him as my hand trials down his bare thigh.
"Wha-?" And he almost choke not his water
"Can u clap again?" He looks over as he sets aside the glass of water.
I do as I'm told and the lights switch off.
"Great" he shifts down lying flat and I pull him closer to my waist.
ok.. if u think this is a cliff hanger then m sorry.
the scene follows in the next chapter!
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