LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)
"When is your that meeting you said...about that sponsorship ...BBC radio 1 thing??" Louis asks me as he looked out of the window while we were driving to the office me concentrating on the road.
Breaking away from my thoughts,"umm..its today I guess..I'll just have to confirm if the date hasn't been shifted" I nod.
"Oh..but what about the recording today..weren't kodaline coming today?" Another question from Louis.
"Yeah they're but I won't be the one assisting if the meeting is today"
"Then who?" His face turns towards me frowning.
"I guess its Smith if he's not busy with his own work." I tell him.
"But why him?" He sounded nervous.
"Of course he will he's the boss" I laugh a little.
"But noo" he stresses the no.
"But why? what's the problem?"
"It'll be so embarrassing talking to him after what I did with him yesterday" he looks down at his fingers picking something.
"Noo..you don't have to worry..he's really kind and nice..he doesn't keep grudges" I assure him.
" but still..how will I face him?" He still isn't convinced.
"Why are you worrying, its not a thing you usually do" I chuckle.
"Harry plz...he's my boss' boss...there has to be some kind of you know..."
"Just go n apologize if u feel so guilty about it..but trust me, He won't hit you or something if You don't "
"Yeah maybe I'll just go n say sorry" he agrees.
By the time we pull into the parking and we get out as I hand over the keys to the valet.
We walk in silently Louis still thinking about the whole nonsense he think he did.
"Good morning Lisa" I wish our receptionist as Louis stands beside me on his toes trying to look inside the reception counter. I smile as I see him curiously peeping in.
"Good morning Mr. Styles and Mr.Tomlinson" she wishes back gaining louis' attention.
"Goodmorning" he wishes back smile reaching his eyes as they crinkled at the corners.
"Are there any updates or letters?" I ask her.
"Yeah..just a minute sir"
She slides out the drawer and hands me two letters obviously addressed to me ,"and sir the meeting that was fixed with Mr. Grimshaw...they're expecting you at 11"
"OK" I smile .
"We'll give you a call once the car arrives at 10:30?" She asks me politely.
"Yeah sure" I greet her back.
"Can we go now?" Louis asks me getting irritated with I guess waiting there for nothing.
"Yeah let's go" I say as I follow Louis to the elevator.
Louis gets down at his floor and I gets down at mine walking straight into my office. I barge in shutting the door with a bang.
"What the hell man" I shout as I push my hair back tucking some strands at the back of my ear.
The fear I never wanted to face was just a few hours away. How can my life be so mean to me. Wasn't it enough for me to go through all that and its still hasn't left me. This is just so sick. I don't even know if he's even 1% guilty about what he did. Maybe even he remembers doing all that stuff. Or maybe he still waits for me to come back to him and he could mistreat me more. But seriously if he hasn't turned into something better all hopes and expectations from life are gonna crash bad.
But right now I guess its over time I should actually stop thinking about this and just get my stuff together and head to their office.
Right now it was 10 a.m.
I'll just head to Simons office to make all points clear as to what am I supposed to do when I reach.
I exit my room and head to the Simons office. I go down the stairs as it was just one floor below mine.
Before entering I have a word with her secretary as to check if he wasn't busy.
I was immediately called in. I was usually called in without hesitation even if there as a meeting going on inside.
I knock at the door before entering ,"Simon I wanted to get some points clear" I walk in.
"Yeah of course" he gestures me to sit.
"What is the whole meeting about?"
"Why you so nervous? Its not that I'm sending u for first time that too unprepared..ur so good at all this! And what's worrying you now??!"
What the hell. I never told him about it. Is it really clear on my face that he knows it? Am I looking like a fool right now?!.
I gather courage inside me to speak up. Taking a deep breath I begin,"Simon its nothing that's worrying me... I'm totally fine" is all i say or am able to say.
"Should I believe that?" He frowns but still keeping a smile on his face.
"Yeah you should" I mutter looking down at my hands playing with the ring on my middle finger.
"Its fine I'll manage...just tell me what am I supposed to do there?" I look up concentrating on the topic.
"Just promote our company and tell them about the amount of funds we are ready to lend them if they need any...u know all this stuff.."
"The same thing?" I ask him to assure it once again.
"Yeah just the same" he nods as he passes me his smile.
"OK..but isn't that the work of our PR department?" I ask him in confusion though I've been doing all this work a plenty of times before.
"You are better at it harry" he says standing up from his chair to walk to his shelf behind to get some files and cheque books.
"Yeah take these in case you need them and these official papers..you might require them" he hands me a thin bundle of files and two three cheque books before taking back his seat.
"OK then" I breathe deeply as I slide my chair back and get up to leave the room. We have a handshake before I exit the room to head to the elevator. My phone rings in matter of seconds and its from the reception.
"Sir the car is ready downstairs" she speaks through the other side. "Yeah I'll be there in two minutes" I answer and hang up the phone. I exit the elevator as I walk through the lobby to reach the foyer and exit the office as one of my assistants gestures me to climb into the car and I do so.
Nothing has irritated me more than anything like this. My brain right now seems disconnected with the real world. The only thing inside my head right now was what is my reaction gonna be when I see him?. Should I be just forgetting everything and forgive him. Maybe he has changed a lot from what he was before? Maybe he wants me to be his best friend again. To trust him the way I trusted him before the shit he did to me? I don't know what to think now. Its all messed up. It's just gonna be awkward from my side at least. Can't expect anything right now.
I push my hair back..breathing deeply and exhaling out all weird thoughts that covered me still. I lay my head back shutting my eyes close only images of Louis covering my head.
But my eyes shot open again. Why the hell would images of Louis cover me up. Why? Though he is adorable and cure and funny and sassy and a bit unexpected kind of a person but right now I couldn't stop the smile that was appearing on my lips. And guess what Louis was the only reason. And I was happy coz right now he was only one who keeps me happy. And I know I am only happy when I'm around him. The way he talks, the way he smiles, the way he jokes is just incredible. No one has been so fun all my life. At least till now. He makes me believe in God once again. He makes me believe hopes never die. He makes me believe there'll always be sunshine after a dark night. And guess what right now he's my only sunshine my only hope my only god and my only fun. He's a best mate anyone could ever have.
Thinking about him did not make me realize that the driver was calling my name for the past 3-4 minutes.
"Mr. Styles you may get down we've reached" he stands beside the door opening it for me.
"Yeah..um...OK thank you very much" I mutter as I get down and stand outside the huge building office.
When i reached the reception and I was informed to directly go into the seminar room which was on the 23 rd floor towards the right.
I did as I was told nervously moving forward towards meeting my friend, best friend who for once was dead for me.
Idk why but the pit of my stomach started churning. I wasn't felling nice. I wanted to puke. Shit man why. I hope I puke on his face. That cud be the least I wud do.
Walking towards that door felt like days together. Everything moving in slow motion until the huge door opened revealing a tall structured man with a pointed nose and weird popping eyes. And yeah how could I forget his squeaky voice like a rat. He's always been teased for that in our high school and even at the university. Oh my those times were just really fun.
"Its so nice to see you harry" he begins walking closer towards me distracting me from my happy thoughts. Making me enter into the reality.
But how could he not remember that?
My throat choked. Words disagreed with me, preventing themselves from coming out. My head wanted to speak harshly. Give him pain.
But my heart did not have the courage to speak out. It felt like my mouth dried.
He stood just in front of me guesturing me into a hug. What the hell. My hands raise up to my chest in protest. I do not want to hug him. But I guess my words did not get out of my mouth and he, just as tall as me forced me into a hug as some other people started to appear inside the huge hall. They were all settling down talking away happily and smiling each. I guess it wud not be nice of me to create a whole damn scene here. But believe me I wanted to do that with all my heart. But my heart just cudn't do it. I wasn't that kind of a guy who wud hurt people so bad.
"Its okay you don't have to do formalities like these" I say into his ear as I try to pull his strong a bit muscular arms away from me. Though his scent made all my memories rush back into my head.
"C'mon harry let's get in" he chirped like he ignored what I just said. His hands automatically moved behind my back supporting me as to show oh how close and good friends we are oer we were. Damn shit. I don't say anything in return and walk uncomfortably as I pull away from the hold as I hear him sigh.
"So I think let's begin when everybody's here" he announces and gestures me to take a seat just beside him on the long rectangular table. Why does he think I wud sit beside him? I search all around the table if I could find an empty chair but I notice there were chairs already labelled with names so I had to take my seat near him. This is all preplanned.
"Goodmorning ladies and gentle men" the boss 'George Ergatoudis begins, I still don't know he to pronounce his surname. It's weird. anyway what troubles me right now is nick sitting beside. My blood boils. Why the hell is he??!
Please I just wanna leave.
Nothing else seems to interest me. Not even what the discussion was going about on the table. I didn't want to talk about anything. Just that I could punch him right there. Right now.
I just wish I could.
My thoughts are just so negative right now. I've thought about wanting to hit anybody till now n my life like the way. I feel something on my thigh.
OH MY GOSH! I look down and nicks' hand is on my thigh! What the fuck! My body squirms immediately, me sliding away his hand. I look up at him wide eyed.
But he is still looking at somebody talking.
Oh yeah nick. This is Wat you do? I try to gulp down the lump that came up my throat as I try to calm Down my goosebumps but they don't seem to.
Thoughts aren't processing inside me. I feel numb. But what? Even this numbness couldn't stop the connection that was once again made. I felt his hand again in my thigh this time sliding upwards.
What the hell nick? What do you think you are doing?! My conscious shouts and screams but the words didn't come out. This time he was staring at me in the eye. Like he was really guilty for what he did. But do I care? This is not the way you apologize.
I squirt away his hand! What the fuck is he doing? I look at him wide eyed warning him for the last time. His eyes glance at for a second as he smiles at me. Why is he smiling?. This isn't any reason to smile or laugh. Didn't he know what I just meant?
He concentrates back on the meeting going on. Just as if nothing ever happened or maybe he didn't do anything or maybe what he was doing right now was all fine for him. But why does it not get into his head that it isn't fine with me. Why doesn't he get to know what he did was not acceptable at that point of time nor is it now and it never will be. I still don't know what was it in him that I made him my best friend at a point in my life.
Right now I did not care I was here for a meeting. And why should i ? The person sitting right beside me does not give a fuck about what dignity means then I'm sorry I too won't care now. Its just too much.
I try to brush away all vivid and horrific memories that came rushing back. My eyes trying to fight the urge to not cry. I needed somebody right now to hold me. I don't know why but for the first time I felt like I gave up. Though a few moments ago I did not want to care about anything.
And with whatever part of brain was listening to their conversations I got to know this meeting was all a waste. The people were just gathered here to chit chat normally trying to make it sound official and formal. No body except me here was from a different company. All of them were just employees. What the fuck? Am i being fooled here? Just so that nick could get another chance with me.? No I don't think so it is. But the other side of my brain which seemed to talk sense right now said I was being fooled. It was all planned. Everything seem to just get me into their office. I run my hand across my face wiping off the sweat that had appeared. Oh shit. Man I need to get out of here. This is all a joke. They always fool me. why do I have to trust people so much when they only do is hurt me. This is just ridiculous.
Wait. Hell. Simon! Is he too involved? No that can't be
He doesn't even know anything. Why would he do that?? The right side of my head said it was all planned everybody including Simon Cowell. But the other side said maybe only nick was involved and it was really an official meeting? I cant even trust my brain right now. Everything's fucked up. My brain couldn't process anymore. It wanted to explode. It wanted to clear off. I push my chair back, me mouthing an "excuse me" to the people gathered as I got up and left the seminar room.
Jogging down the stairs of the building not caring how much stairs I had to walk down. The faster my mind raced the faster my legs ran down the stairs. Reaching the main entrance of the building I get out through the rotating doors releasing a deep sigh. Getting back into my real world I breath deeply. I take out my phone from the pocket, sliding the screen unlock there appear 10missed calls and 4 texts, all from Louis.
Oh god I did not even inform him when I left for the thing in the morning and now its 5:30. Maybe he is worried. But y wud he worry? Nobody cares for me anyway. But somehow I call him back trying to push away all thoughts inside my head.
"What's the matter Louis?" I say as he picks up.
"Hell harry, you should've at least informed me when you left" he shouts from the other side.
I don't know what to say. I'm already fucked up. I don't want to think anything.
"Where are you right now?" I ask him still calm.
"Harry you did not even answer my calls or my text and then I thought maybe you headed home so I am here in the house, and guess what u were still not found.." He keeps on screaming and I listen to him trying to be patient but I don't know I felt like shouting back at him but also I know he wasn't going be the one getting my anger trials.
" really sorry I was busy in the meeting" I answer him scratching my forehead. Please don't shout again...my inner self kept praying.
"The hell with the meeting harry u cudve just texted me" he did what I didn't want him to do. Though I still wanted to stay calm.
" cmon Louis I'm not a 5 yr old who wud get lost.. I did call you back and dis is Wat is happening...were fighting"
"What do you mean you called me back??" He yells into the mouthpiece.
"Cmon Louis don't be dumb or stupid..I'm not accountable to you anyway"
"Oh my god harry talk to me in the face" he hangs up the phone.
After bursting up on my phone that too on Louis. I feel relieved but guilt covered me up at the same time. He did not deserve even a single word of anger from me and now see what I did.
When I reach home and he throws me out of the house of even kicks me to death I wouldn't mind I know I deserve it.
I call up the office driver to take back home, I was in no mood to face Simon right now.
I climb out of the taxi and swiftly jog towards the building to not get hit by the snow which started to fall too soon.
Walking into the elevator my mind wandered only with things I didn't want to think about. Though I literally tried to distract myself but it wasn't helping. I tried to think about how Louis would behave with me but it all ended up in vain cz everything was somehow connected with nick and I did not want to think about them.
I step out of the elevator breathing deeply. I walk towards the door hoping maybe he isn't angry but I know Louis this much that if he's angry I won't be forgiven without being kicked hard. Isnt that cute? Sorry I need to concentrate on what to say. But just tell me once isn't Louis too cute to kick a man larger than him? Yeah it is cute.
I ring the door bell twice before checking the knob. Oh my god the door is open. Ready for the humiliation harry? My subconscious is too much excited.
As I walk inside the house there's no sign of him in the hall not even in the kitchen not even in the balcony. Oh yes he has a room. I release out a sigh in relief, you saved yourself for a minute at least.
Okay now time to face Louis. Maybe its the first time in my life I need to be so prepared before talking to somebody , actually apologizing. Ive never done this. This is all new to me. But somehow my subconscious knows I will always be ready to do anything for Louis.
I creek open the door of Louis' room as I peek inside and guess what is he doing? He's asleep. Okay so is he not going to give me a chance to apologize? He is certainly angry.
I pad my feet across the bed to the other side as I climb onto the bed carefully not to wake him up but he has to wake up. I look at him, oh my god how sexy does he look. With his hair falling on his forehead a little longer ones covering his eyes. His mouth a little open and the skin peeking out from the blanket glows like he had a steam shower or something.
Oh my god my subconscious is thinking so much dirty right now imagining me having a steam shower with him. Oh no. Subconscious just shut up will you?
Feeling his stomach with my fingers. Oh god he's so soft. Shut up Mr subconscious u'r too dirty. No no go away. Kissing him on those parted li--. Are you leaving Mr subconscious or do u want me to kick you?
I shake away those dirty thoughts and wait for Louis to get up. Okay then seriously am I waiting? Maybe he's nt asleep he's just acting or maybe he's really asleep.
"Louis?" I whisper as I pat slightly on his upper arm feeling his cold skin.
No response he's really asleep. Okay once more.
"Lou plz wake up, we need to talk" I whisper shaking him slightly by his shoulder.
Oh god his eyes flutter.. He's waking up..yayay. But y am I excited I don't know what to say.
"What is it harry??" He rubs his eyes with his fist. Oh he's so cute. Mr subconscious you still haven't left? U need to go. I need to talk to him straight though I am gay. How funny was that?
"I am sorry" I mutter trying to be loud enough for him.
"Seriously? U up at 11 to apologize?" He sighs and pulls the duvet up his face.
What? was that he isn't angry? No that can't be possible.
"Aren't you angry at me?" I pull away the cover slightly so that I have a great look at that great face.
"Smart people don't talk to stupid people, just go away n sleep" he pulls the duvet up again and turns to the other side. His voice is so sexy right now. Oh my. What if I get to hear it every night?
Mr subconscious are you drunk? Please go. Okhay now that sentence seem to remind me that I had called him stupid on the phone. Yeah baby right way to attack me back.
"Please I'm really sorry. Its supposed to be the other way round you know, me stupid and you smart" I say. Am I acting too dumb. No response this time. "I know am crazy please listen" I shake him up so that he at least listens to me.
Oh wait crazy? Thats what I call my car. Where's my car? Oh my god its in the office. They'll tow it. No no. thats not fucking happening. Louis. Wait Louis did he drive it back home? Should I ask him now? Should I? I should..its my car dude!!
"Hey Louis?!" I began still whispering. "Where's my car?"
"Fuck off harry this is not the time" he shuffles in his place mumbling these words. "Louis listen where's my car?" I raise my voice though I tried remaining calm.
"Your so irritating!! How do I know where's your car?" He answers getting up from the bed laying back on the head board his eyes still shut but oh my god his chest. Mr subconscious is gonna be back soon. Oh there is he behind Louis forming circles with his fingers on his chest.
"What do you mean you don't know where's my car?" I scream trying to remove my gaze from his chest but I so desperately wanted to touch him. Oh no Mr subconscious ur licking him! "I simply mean I-don't-know-where's-your-car..now will you please leave??" His eyes shot open as he gestures me to leave his room. Ouch that hurts. "You gotta be kidding me Louis! U did not get my car here??" I ask him still shocked
"Nooo..why will I?" "You are equally solely responsible to get my car back when u drove with me to the office--i mean our office."
"Does that mean its my car? Like do I own it now?" He narrows his eyes a smirk building on his lips. "I don't know, oh gosh Louis, they'll tow the car". This is so disgusting. "How am I supposed to be getting the car back harry?? I did not have the keys! So stop blaming me." He huffs at the end.
"The keys are with the valet Louis or you could've taken them from the reception.!!" I say the obvious I don't know really. "Ohh! Not that intelligent!" He shrugs, " but why would they tow your car? That too a Lamborghini??" He seems surprised.
"Its a rule. After 10 no cars in the garage or go straight to the police station" I inform him. "That's bad you know?" He makes a sad face like he really is sad. Oh puh-lease! "Oh" is all I mutter as I begin to get down from the bed and walk to the door.
"Oh wait why are you worried? You can drive your other two lambo's tom. You have a choice see!" He says rolling his eyes at me as a wicked smile props up on his face. He is up to something. "Seriously??! Thank you for the information though!"
"your welcome" he smiles as his eyes crinkle up. Oh that's cute. How can I be thinking this when I am so so so angry at him right now. Literally my subconscious wants to fuck that cute guy right now and here my conscious head wants to punch him so bad. But I guess Mr subconscious is going the right way!
"Oh just-- anyway why am I arguing with you? I just should go get my car" I announce as I begin to walk towards the door of his room. By the time I walk up to the door there is complete silence in the room but wait I can hear somebody giggling. Is it Louis? But why? Though he looks cute. But why?
"you know your car is too sexy to get towed away!!" He says in between his giggles his eyes crinkling up again. "I know!" I scream at him. "U know the drive was sexxy too!!!" he shouts back. But has that little smirk turned into a huge smirk on his face!
"Why are you smirking Louis? What is it!" I am totally irritated like hell. Walking towards the door again. "I mean it Harry!!!" He shouts stopping me from exiting the room. "What? What is it?" I say rudely to him. "I said the drive was really sexy and smooth" he repeats looking down at his hands. Mr subconscious is back. Damn he is blushing.
I stood there silently staring at him thinking all dirty things I could do. Not me but my subconscious.
"The drive home alone was quite fast, smooth and sexy!" He repeats looking up brushing his flicks aside that fell on his forehead. Oh my god he is so so sexy. Forget about the car harry. U need to fuck him right now. Just go ahead. He looks damn cute we the his cheeks are burning and his chest exposed. Mr subconscious run away right now!!
"Sorry --What?" I ask him my voice low as I enter in the room and walk towards him with my hands on my waist.
"you heard me harry!" He looks up again repeating his action of keeping his fringe a little back.
"So you mean the cars' in the garage? Like in my garage?" I confirm. Should I believe him really? He bought the car home. Omg. Wait what? He did?.
"Yeah" he mouths. Omg. This is real. He bought it home. Waow. Really he drove it here. Yayay. Have I ever been happy so much? No I don't think so.
Mr subconscious says let's go n kiss him everywhere on his face. Does that include his lips? Okay no problem. " thank you--" I have my long lost smile back on my face but wait what he slides into the duvet, turns his back towards me and goes back to sleep.
How can that be possible? He is such a professional. see he was angry a few minute's ago, like really angry at me and then he starts to blush and then again he goes back to being angry. How fast was he? Somebody hail him. He's so good. I guess my subconscious standing beside me did hail.
"What happened Louis?" I walk up to him sitting right beside putting my hand gently on his arm.
"What is it louis? I am sorry!" I apologize.
I could hear him sigh under his breath. I could his body relaxing under my arm. I shake him gently by his arm. "Talk to me please, I am really sorry" I look down at my other free hand. I feel so guilty right now, for shouting at him twice.
"Please Louis I am really--" he shifts under the covers and turns around to face me as he flutters open his eyes. Oh. My. His eyes are red. But why? I never noticed that. He looks like he had been crying. Like why would he cry? Why. No .I can't imagine him crying all alone with nobody to comfort him. My heart starts to tear. Why. My hands immediately reaches up to his chin as I palm his cheek. "U've been crying? Why?" Words almost like a whisper.
He props up immediately and sits scooting away my hand and leaning at back. Oh. Was I the reason he was crying. Was I too harsh?
"Ur soo rude when you're angry harry. Ur so mean" he replies his voice cracking up. Oh no. Please I am really sorry. No plz don't cry. "I am sorry really I mean it Louis" I say it but only as a whisper as my hands reaches out for his chin again.
"Its not about sorry harry. I know u were busy but just one text?" He looks at me his eyes trying not to cry but yet pleading. "Yeah I know I am really dumb. And actually i've never had somebody to care for me this much. I've never informed anybody before leaving like that so I am not in a habit-" I say. Oh shit. He cried
His tears rolled down. And it's all because of me. My subconscious disappeared. ur not good for anything. You hurt him everytime. And there you this k of making love to him? No u don't deserve it. "U know you --should just go to sleep" he mutters wiping away his cheeks.
"I am so sorry. Godamn me I hurt u every time. I am sorry." I say it.
"No its OK. U don't u should just sleep" "Its not okay" "It is , I'm fine ur fine. Its all okay. Just go n sleep" he stresses out.
"Okay .okay" I agree and get up to walk out as I see him sliding down again pulling the covers up till his head. I switch off the lights and step out of his room.
Its me who should be crying and not him. Kill me!
Hey guys! Sorry fr a late update!