Reviews w/ dontjockmystyles

1. Grammar and Spelling.
So far your grammar and spelling was great. You use great choices of words, and you explain the scenes well decorating them nicely with proper wording. There isn't anything else there to say! Oooh yes, actually space out your paragraphs. For example once you finish you sentence or paragraph, and you are starting with a new one leave a space. A jumbled piece of work gives me headaches, but other than that you did great.

2. Length of Chapters.
You do have short chapters, but it's understandable. As I said in the previous reviews. Refer to the first review in this section, and read what i told her on short/medium length chapters. I do know that many hate writing long chapters, so I am not forcing you.

3. Exposition.
Exposition was great. I do love Carrie, so it was refreshing seeing something I knew about. I would recommend adding a detailed into, because it just starts off with 'mama' i think maybe like a chapter where she explains herself wandering the school library, and how she's afraid to be home, and stuff like that. The second chapter, which is ....well i don't know what boy it is but i feel it was a bit too rushed. Especially with the loved part. I think you should elaborate on what he thought of her. Maybe like i.e Upon arriving back to my house, I couldn't quite put a finger on my emotions. Yes, willow was a beautiful girl. Not like the girls at school who seem to flaunt off their tiny goods, but perfect in her own way. Makeup or not, she was beautiful. But, I couldn't think of her that way? I needed to be responsible, and not fuck up. I was the captain of the damn football team, I can't let my tiny attraction and pity for her get in the way. But she's different. I told myself. She's different.

^^Make it more where he's struggling his own inner demons.

4. Story Line.
Love it, not much to say

5. Summary.
There wasn't any but i do suggest you come up with one. Short and clipped, but enough detail!

6. Rating
Overall I give you about a 9-9.5. Continue this story! Just take my advice, space out your paragraphs, and yea. I subscribed. You'll go far hun <3

Notes