Tearing Me Apart *On Hold*

Kaitlynn’s POV

“What’s up with you and Justin?” Samantha asked.

I felt a blush coming on. “Oh, nothing. Nothing is going on.” I lied.

I looked down and studied the floor. It seemed way more interesting than the conversation they wanted to have. I want to tell them, but then again they’ll probably judge me and tell me it’s not cool. It’s like they want me to be the odd one out, so I never can have a boyfriend. I rolled my eyes and looked back down at my phone.

Twitter isn’t really that bad. Most people love me, which is a surprise to me. The others tell me the hate started the day they went public. I was thinking since I started dating Justin all I would get was hate because he dated Selena. The fans really loved her. I get a text from Justin.

From: Justin
To: Kaitlynn
What are you doing today?

“Where are we going exactly?” I asked the girls.

“Well, first we’re going to pick up Perrie. Then we are going to go shopping.” Marissa told me. I groaned. They know Perrie and I don’t get along. Perrie makes it pretty obvious that she doesn’t like me. Why do you think Zayn and I can barely hang out?

From: Kaitlynn
To: Justin
Girl’s day. Going to the mall. I’m going to have to deal with Perrie. Ew… Talk to you later. Bye babe.

“There is something going on between you and Justin.” Elaina blurted out. I looked around and everybody was staring at me.

I look into my camera and I am red in the face. Why did she have to be looking into my messages? It’s my privacy. I might as well tell them now that Miss Blabber Mouth had to say something.

“Okay. The truth is I am dating Justin.” I told them. I’m not really expecting or hoping for any screams or support because I will get none from none of them.

“Finally, we can all go on a date!” Marissa exclaimed. “We have to do it before I go back to school.”

I smiled as the others chimed in with Marissa, each having the same amusement as her. They really do care about me. Maybe the other relationships they were just looking out for me, making sure I was going to be okay. The car comes to a stop. We’re parked in front of Zayn’s house. I look at his front door and there he stands holding Perrie, whispering something in her ear.

I turn to look at my phone. I realized I had got two text messages. One was from Justin and the other Zayn. I opened the one from Zayn first.

From: Zayn
To: Kaitlynn
Be nice. For me please. I told her the same thing.

From: Kaitlynn
To: Zayn
For you and you only. :)

Great. Now he wants me to be nice to the girl. I’m only playing nice if she plays nice. I opened the one from Justin. He laughed at what I said about Perrie. I smiled and looked out the window. The one farthest away from Zayn and Perrie. I still get sick to the thought of them being together.

The door opens and everybody greets Perrie. I just continue looking out of the window. Was she that important for me to look at her? No. Did I really want to upset Zayn? Kind of. I wanted to piss him off so bad, just so he knows how it feels to not be listened to.

“Hi, Kaitlynn.” Perrie said. I looked at her and smiled. How could she put on this fake act so good?

“Hi, Perrie.” I responded, then I turned my head towards the window again. Again, I’m only doing it for Zayn, nobody else.

“I saw you on the news this morning with Justin. Is it true?” Perrie asked me. I nodded my head, without looking at her. Something I know she hates. I just want to see what she’s going to do. “Congrats. You guys make the cutest couple!”

“Thanks,” I said. What was up with her? First, she’s butting into my private life. Then, she’s saying Justin and I make a cute couple. Is she only doing this because she thinks I’m over Zayn, which I probably never will be over him.

I look over at Perrie and looked her up and down. She has an underarmor shirt with some really short shorts. Her makeup is extremely dark and that engagement ring that should be on my finger. She has it showing a lot today. Probably to remind me that Zayn is hers, not mine. I looked down, feeling tears starting to form in my eyes. Just picture yourself having to go everyday watching the fiancee of your best friend, showing off because you can’t have him. That’s not even right, but I allow it to happen to me.

I bite my lip to hold back my cries, but not my tears. You can stop my sobbing, but never my tears. No matter how hard I try to be perfect, it always fails. I guess you can’t be perfect. What does he see in her that’s not in me? I listened to all of his problems growing up and gave him the best advice I can.

“Kaitlynn, what’s wrong?” Elaina asked. I shook my head and buried my head in my knees. Elaina started rubbing my back, which made it harder to keep my cries in. “Sweetie, please tell me what’s the matter?”

I can feel the eyes on me and I did not want to look at them. I kept my head down and tried to ignore it, but I would have to answer to them sooner and later. What was the whole point of going today if I’m just going to get upset? These just aren’t feelings I can wash away and be happy.

“I’ll talk to you later on about this.” Elaina whispered in my ear. I nodded my head and kept on crying. They started talking and I just tuned them out.

What was I going to do when it came to the wedding day? Don’t want to miss that because it’s my best friend’s wedding. He’ll be pretty mad if I missed it and probably won’t ever talk to me another day in my life. I just don’t know what to do with my life. Somebody please help me.

Notes