I swallow hard, trying to get through the lump in my throat. My ears are ringing and my head is swimming. I see the doctor in front of me and her mouth is moving, but no words is coming out. I can't hear what she is saying. I feel dizzy. Her words are repeating over and over in my head. You are not pregnant. You are not pregnant. You are not pregnant. My body has not yet dissolved the words in that sentence. I know that I should be relieved, but right now there are no emotions what so ever.

“Julianne, did you hear me?” The doctor punctures a whole in my quiet bubble. I know she's asked me a question, I just don't know what. I clear my voice, trying to get around the lump.

“Yea. Yes, sorry.” I frown. “What did you say?” I ask confused. She smiled kindly at me, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Wasn't this what you wanted?” She ask, sounding concerned.

“Yes is was.” I whisper, not knowing why I'm not happy about this. I should be. I am. I think. My mind doesn't work right now. It's a haze inside my head right now.

“Okay then. Have you've been stressed lately?” She ask and give me a caring look. I think about her question. Have I? I guess it has been a little stressful all this Harry-Louis crap. Keeping secrets and such. I know that I haven't been sleeping that good lately. I've been nervous and restless.

“Yeah, I guess I have been a little stressed.” I confess and look at my hands.

“Well, that could be a reason why you're late. It's your body's way of telling you to slow down and take care of yourself. But if it doesn't come in the next week, please come back and we will check to see so there's no other reason for it to be absent. But I'm pretty sure that stress is the reason here.” She say and give me a sweet smile. I nod my head, not able yet to receive her words. I don't know what to say, my mind is numb.

After I've thanked the doctor I leave her office and walk by the pregnant woman again on my way out. I frown as I walk by and press the button for the elevator that thankfully arrives in seconds. I feel very confused and lost inside my head. The elevator ride down is torturous and my head is swimming with thoughts, I just can't sort them out. As I leave the big doors to the building and feel the fresh winter air against my face, I feel the first tear fall down my cheek. Holy crap! This just happened.

I pick my phone up and dial the first number I can think of.

“Hey.” Lea answers after the second ring, she sounds nervous. I knew she was waiting for my call.

“Hi.” I sob into the phone, I've sat myself down on a bench beside the doctors office. I can't see anything through the tears. I clutch my stomach as I cry.

“Oh, wha-what happened?” Lea ask worried. “Is that sad or happy tears?” She adds, clearly taken back by my crying.

“Ha-appy.” I declare with a sniffle and a smile. I know she can't see it, but still. I can feel the joy inside me. This is what I wanted. This is what I hoped for.

“Oh, good. But...do..are you..?” She doesn't know how to end the sentence. I can't blame her, I'm very confused by my own reaction myself.

“I'm not.” I state and I hear her sigh. I didn't really feel anything until I left the building and everything hit me – I'm not pregnant. I don't have the dilemma of knowing who the father of my child would be. I won't have a child way too fast, without a partner I might add. I'm so relieved. And when that realization hit, the tears that hasn't flown in the last twenty four hours came.

“I'm so happy for you. And for myself because I'm way too young to be a godmother.” She say, making me laugh.

“I promise, you will not be one for a few more years.” I promise her. I really don't want this scare again, I have to be more careful.

“Sounds good to me. So, we are going out tonight.” She say and I frown.

“Why?” I ask, it's a monday.

“Because we have to celebrate. We're having a we're-not-pregnant-celebration.” She say and I can hear her smile through the phone. She takes any chance she gets to party. I snicker and wipe the back of my hand under my eyes. My tears have ceased and I feel calmer now. All the tension from this weekend has dissolved with the news and the tears.

“Sure, sounds good. I'll see you in a while.” I say and hung up. I took the morning off from work, but I have to get back right away to end my shift. I sigh before pressing call on Harry's name on the phone.

“Hi.” He sounds even more stressed out than Lea, which is understandable, but his voice is low.

“Hi Harry.” I say and smile, I love his voice so much. I hear him clear his voice, probably not knowing how to ask. “You can be calm. No baby here.” I say and feel such a relief that this is the news that I get to tell him. A wight has lifted from my shoulders. I hear a deep sigh from him.

“Oh, wow. That's good though right? You didn't want...?” He sounds a little confused and scared.

“Oh, no! This is the best news.” I cut him off.

“Good, them I'm happy for you...I mean...eh...” He stumbles with his words. “I don't know what I mean.” He say and I just know that he's running his hand through his hair. I laugh.

“I know. We're going out celebrating tonight. Lea's insisting. She's calling it a we're-not-pregnant-celebration.” I say and snicker. It's idiotic, but I do feel like I need a glass of wine. I've been wanting one ever since the thought hit me friday that I might be pregnant. All this tension and no release. “You have to come.” I add when he chuckles.

“Of course. We will celebrate. You sent me the details and I'll be there.”

We hang up and I stand to walk down the street to the bus stop. I sit down on the warm bus and sigh with content. It feels so good right now. I was so scared that I would be pregnant and I don't know how I would have handled that. I remember all of a sudden that I promised to tell Louis also. I don't think I can handle calling him, it would feel so weird. So I decide to just text him instead. He still gets the news, right?

To Louis
No need to worry. No baby here.

I feel a little anxious as I hit send. I guess it's a little chicken of me to not call him, but we have never actually talked on the phone. I haven't had a decent conversation with him since Philadelphia and that feels like ages ago. I know it's wrong, but I just can't deal with him. I'm scared that he will ruin my good mood with mean comments. I take a deep breath when I hear my phone beep in my pocket.

From Louis
ok

I frown at the message. Well, that was unemotional. Not that I was too emotional in my message. I sigh. I don't even know what I expect. His cold and mean one moment and sweet, bringing me food the next, it's really confusing and makes my chest clench a little tighter. I shake my head and put my phone down.

---

I let go of a deep breath as I get home from work. Me and Lea cheered a lot today, she reminded we throughout the day that I wasn't going to be a mother, which felt so good. I know it sounds harsh, but I'm just not there yet. I want a real relationship, possibly even married before I even think about kids. I love them, I do, but just not right now. I want to live a little first. I'm only twenty one.

I step into the shower to freshen up and wash this day off. I got sweaty as I waited for the doctor, my nerves on high alert. This really could have gone either way and I'm so lucky that it went my way this time. No more though. I will not make this mistake again. I know that I should probably be a little worried that my period hasn't come yet, but I will deal with that tomorrow. Now I'm gonna relax and celebrate that I'm young and free.

When I'm finished I put on a grey dress that hugs my body, but sway out a little down to the knees. I decide to keep my hair loose and make the curls big, hanging down my back. I put a bit of makeup on, feeling like I need to look a little extra good tonight. I want to look as good as I feel. This euphoria in my body is insane really, but I'm going with it. A pair of black pumps on my feet and a light leather jacket. It's much warmer tonight. The last couple of days has been pretty warm and all the snow has melted. So I decide to ditch my winter jacket and go with my black leather one that I love.

I'm putting a pair of earrings in when there is a knock at the door. I know who it is since Harry texted to say what he wanted to come by before we go out. I look myself in the mirror one more time before walking over and opening the door.

“Oh...hi..” He says, his eyes roaming my body and making me flush. “You look lovely.” He say and give me a cheeky smile.

“Thank you.” I say, biting my lip. I feel shy all of a sudden. I step back so he can come inside.

“I just wanted to make sure you really are okay?” He say and when I look up, his eyes are uncertain.

“Yes. I'm good. Really good.” I say and smile, making the uncertainty disappear from his eyes.

“Good. Just wanted to come by before we meet up with the others. I invited some of the guys, hope that's okay?” He ask and I nod.

“Of course it is. We're celebrating right?” I smile trying to convince both him and me, though wondering if Louis will be one of them. I don't know how to handle that. I don't know how to act around him anymore. I'm sick of being angry, but I can't do much more. All this has really taken a toll on me.

“So, we're good?” Harry ask, with a smile, but biting his lip. I am surprised by his uncertainty.

“We are perfect. You're my best friend.” I say and punch his upper arm, making him laugh.

“Well then, best friend. Let's go celebrate.” He opens the door and I pick up my purse and we leave the apartment.

We meet Lea at the corner of the block and walk down a few blocks to the pub that Lea has picked out. It's warm enough to walk and that feels good, it's been so cold for the last couple of weeks. Though I know that more cold will come since it's only november. It also means that we have to enjoy the warmer weather when we can.

We sit down at a round table further back in the bar, Lea ordering some drinks for us. I don't know when Harry's friends will be here, but I don't want to ask. I'm afraid that Louis will be with them. I'm still a little baffled with his text and I don't know if he's mad or anything. I don't want him to be mean and say things to ruin my good spirit. His words hit more than I thought.

“Here's to the not-gonna-be-parents.” Lea say and raises the shot she's order for us. Harry chuckles and raises his glass and I do too, shaking my head at her. We swallow the shot and I make a disgusted face, she's not good at choosing shots – it's always the strongest one. I'm handed a red drink in a martini glass and that is much better. The cool fruity drink slides down my throat easily, relaxing everything in my body. I've been too tense since friday and my muscles aren't used to be relaxed anymore.

“So, Harry-Barry. How are you? I haven't seen you in a while.” Lea says and I'm glad to have a moment to just listen. He smiles sweetly at her nickname and takes a sip of his beer.

“It's good. Been busy making music, you know.” He shrug and play with the label of the bottle.

“Sure, sure. Anything worth hearing?” She teases and he laughs.

“Probably not.” He chuckles. Then I see them both turning towards the entrance, which is towards my back. Harry wave his hand and I turn to see Niall, Liam and Louis walk toward us. I take a deep breath, trying to read Louis expression, but he's hiding it well. I don't want to stare. When they come up Niall pats Harry's shoulder before coming up to me. I stand up as he hold his hands out for a hug. He squeezes me tight.

“I guess congratulations are in order?” He chuckles. “I've never wished someone that for not being pregnant.” He say and he pulls away. I snicker a little, feeling the alcohol in my body. I should have eaten something.

“Yeah, something like that.” I say and smile. Liam comes over to give me a hug too.

“Yeah, it's weird. But if you're happy than I'm happy.” Liam say and pull away to greet Lea. I see Louis stand behind him and gaze at me, looking a little unsure of what to do. We usually don't greet each other, but I guess it would be weird if he didn't at this moment. He is here to celebrate that me and Harry, from what the others know, isn't pregnant. It would seem a little suspicious if we didn't greet. I give him a little sigh to come say hi and his eyes widen a bit in shock. He steps closer as Liam takes a seat at the table. Louis leans in a give me a kiss on the cheek, seeming pretty innocent. I close my eyes as his scent hits my nose. He smells fresh and like Louis. It's weird how used to his scent I am. Our time in Philadelphia must have done that. I feel my heart start to rase. He stands back and my eyes focuses on the end of the white v-neck where his tattoos is showing on his chest and I long to run my tongue along those. I feel my cheeks flush when my dirty thoughts register and I look away. I can't believe I just went there. I sit down on my chair again, grateful the the others doesn't seem to pay attention to me.

“You okay?” Niall ask with a chuckle. I guess someone did pay attention.

“Yeah, I just need a drink.” I smile, not meeting his eyes and right then the waiter comes in with twelve shots, four beers and two red drinks.

“To condoms, please use them!” Niall holds his shot glass up with a huge smile.

“Here, here.” Liam say and hold his up too. I snicker and the rest of us cheers before we all drink. I can't believe we're celebrating this, it's so weird. But it feels comforting somehow to have such good friends.



The night runs along great. We drink more shots and I drink a couple more red drinks. I don't even know the name of them. We cheer and toast the non-existing child and everyone seems good. I feel a nice buzz in my body and the conversation is flowing. I have even locked eyes a couple of times with Louis during the night and the last time he gave me a crooked smile, one of those smiles that I really, really like. My heart fluttered at that smile and after that I didn't dare look at him again.

I excuse myself and go to the bathroom and when I get back I see Lea sitting at the bar talking to a random guy. I roll my eyes, this is typical Lea. I look over at the table we've been sitting on and the rest of the guys is talking, Niall moving his hands all over the place, describing something. I smile, but feel like it's time to go home. I walk over to Lea and the guy, who seems to be in his early forties, but at least has all his hair left. I don't know why she goes for guys like this, she could have anyone she wanted and she goes for older guys, not even men with money, she isn't a gold digger. I guess they just have something that she wants that guys in our age don't. I don't care to figure out what that is. I scrunch my nose at the thought.

“Hey, I'm gonna go. It's getting late.” I say as I stop beside her. She gives me a sweet smile, her flirting persona in full mode. I try not to laugh at her, she's too cute when she tries to flirt. I know she doesn't even have to try, but she does it anyway.

“Okey, sweetie. Call me tomorrow.” She say in a fake voice and give me a kiss on both cheeks. I frown a little, does she have to be so different to get this guy's attention? He doesn't really look that selective when it comes to women. He doesn't even look that good in my eyes. I turn and walk away. There is no reason to waste time on thinking or worrying about Lea and her love life.

I go over to Harry and lean down to tell him I'm leaving. He stands up and wraps me in his arms. It feels a little weird, we haven't really been this close in a while, except side hugs when I've been crying, which isn't as often as it sounds. We often just give a kiss on the cheek when we greet or say goodbye. But it feels familiar and warm.

“I really hope we are okay.” Harry whispers in my ear as he still hold me.

“I already told you we are. Nothing has changed.” I promise him and squeeze his shoulders. He lets go of me and smile. He kisses my cheek and promise to call me the next day.

“Bye guys!” I say to the other guys, not really feeling like going over and hugging everyone. They don't seem to mind when both Niall and Liam waves and smiles at me before continuing their conversation. I dare to give Louis a glance and he looks... sad? I think. I give him a small smile and he smiles back though looks away. I don't really know what is up with him and what I should do, if I should do anything. So I turn away and leave.

I step out from the pub and shudder when a cold wind hit me. I should have worn a warmer jacket anyway. Though I looked good and felt good, so now I have to deal with the cold walk home. I pull up the collar of the jacket and try to hug it tighter against my body.

I take a few steps down the street when I stop as I hear my name being shouted. I look back and feel my eyes pop up in surprise when Louis is walking towards me.

“Hey.” He say, looking a little shy, like he did outside of my apartment yesterday. “Can I walk you?” He ask and the shock in my system jolts my breathing a little.

Notes

Thank you guys so, so much for all your comments, they really means the world to me! They make me smile in the middle of my day and makes me want to write right away to get to the next chapter. Sorry if this took longer than I promised, I wanted it to be good...but now I'm so tired that I can't see straight, so it might now be so good after all...? hehe!

Hope you feel satisfied anyway. Some of you wanted this, some of you wanted her to be pregnant, both with Harry's or Louis's baby. Well not right now...maybe later? ;)

Thank you for everything and please continue commenting, it makes writing so much easier and gives me a little push and inspiration. Also, rate and subscribe!!

xx.