I sit in a haze, the noise around me has melted together and sounds like a loud hum in my ears. My sight is cloudy and unfocused and my whole body feels tired, oh so tired. I don't know how long I've been sitting like this, it could be hours or seconds, but my body feels stiff and heavy. I get pulled out of this haze when a warm hand lands on my knee and the focus on my eyes adjust to the handsome man beside me in a black suit and a sweet smile.

“Are you okey?” He ask as his hand strokes my knee lightly, giving me goosebumps.

“Yes.” I croak out, my voice raspy from all the crying and no talking. I haven't said a word since the funeral ended. I thought that I would be able to handle this so well, but when I finally let go for my feelings, everything changed. I couldn't go back.

Now we're sitting in the restaurant that me and my dad used to go with my aunt a couple of years ago, which she loved and so did we. I'm sitting with my dad to the left of me and Louis on the right. Apparently we're already on the main course, I've totally zoned out of the first course.

Louis looks at me with concerned eyes and I take a deep breath, before putting my hand over his on my knee. His hand feels so warm and nice. It's very comforting.

“I'm fine, thank you.” I say a little sweeter. It feels like it's been such a long day, I kind of wish that it was over already. My body needs to sleep and my brain needs a break. It's unimaginable to think of the fact that I will never see my aunt again. It shoots a pain in my chest every time that thought comes through my head.

I feel my stomach pull tight as Louis braids his fingers with mine and his thumb runs small circles on the back of my hand. The feeling is amazing and scare the crap out of me. It probably means that I'm starting to develop feelings for him and that is scary, because I have no idea of what we are and if this is just a fling. This isn't really the time to think about that though, so I push those thoughts away for right now. I'll deal with it later.

“Have my dad eaten anything?” I ask Louis before looking over at my dad who seems to listen to something the lady from the church group is saying to him. I see though on his face that he's not really listening. I also see the full plate on the table in front of him, untouched.

“No, and neither have you.” Louis whisper back and my eyes meet his harsh ones. The caring in his voice almost make me smile, almost. I take my free hand and push the fork through one of the potato wedges and put it in my mouth. I don't really feel the taste, my body seems to have turned that sense off. But the act seems to calm Louis down a little and he picks his glass up and drink.

The night drags on way too slow, feeling like an eternity. A lot of people wanted to share stories about their memories with my aunt and it was both beautiful and painful to listen to. I know me and dad would probably want to share so many lovely memories that we had, but neither of us had the strength. My cheeks never dried from all the crying I did and I felt weak from only eating enough to satisfy Louis.

Now I was standing in my dad's house again, feeling the quiet from the loss of everyone else except my dad and Louis. I was watching them as they stood in front of me talking. Thankfully my dad had fixed a motel for my cousins to sleep at, so I didn't have Red to worry about, even though he hadn't even approached me again all through the night. Probably because of Louis. It felt good to be alone at home, it had been so much people to listen to at the memorial and I don't have the energy to do that now.

“Well, thank you for helping out this week, it was much needed.” My dad says as he reach his hand out to Louis, taking his in a firm grip.

“Don't mention it, it was very nice to meet you.” Louis replies and smile his cheeky smile.

“You too Louis, have a nice trip and visit soon again.” My dad says before walking into the living room again. We've been home for about an hour, just letting the day sink in and now Louis is leaving. His plane is going in just a few hours. I hear my dad turn the volume up on the TV, probably giving us some privacy, which is very sweet of him.

“Are you sure you don't want me to drive you to the airport?” I ask for the hundredth time. Louis take my hand and I look down on our hands. I feel so confused right now. I'm drained and my feelings are in a mess.

“No, it's fine. The cab is coming any moment. Take care of your dad instead.” He says quiet, hitting the right point, because taking care of my dad was my task today. I sigh lightly. I have so much I want to ask him, to find out, but I can't find the words to do it. I don't even know what's going to happen now, what are we? I hear the cab honk outside and my body reacts in a way that I didn't think it would. I feel my eyes tear up.

Louis reach his hand out and pull my chin up so I'm forced to look at him. I see his eyes narrow a little when he sees the tears in my eyes.

“The tears aren't for me right?” He ask and the hard tone in his voice makes me shake my head. Even though in some way they are, it's just been too much goodbye for one day. I know that I will see him soon, I'm going home on wednesday and well, we are socializing with the same people. “Good. I'll see you back home.” He say and reach down to press his lips against mine in a sweet kiss. I feel my heart skip a beat when he pulls back. A single tear rolls down my cheek and he pushes it away with his thumb before kissing my lips again, this time quicker before he turn and open the door.

I stand in the opening to the door as I watch him get into the cab and it drives off. I feel so lost. Why didn't I talk to him? Why couldn't I get the words out to ask him what this is? Now I have to wait until the next time I see him to find out. This is going to be torturous. I groan low as I close the door and walk back inside to sit on the couch with my dad. This day has been so weird.

---

I know that I'm not the most patient person, oh hell, I'm not patient at all. It's been a ruff couple of days. I've tried to not think about Louis at all, which hasn't been easy...or doable. I probably haven't thought about anything else since he left. I did meet some of my old friends, to try to do something else, which was so much fun, even though I haven't been in the most fun mood. The shock from the funeral hasn't really settled yet.

I'm now sitting on the airplane back to London, it was hard to say goodbye to my dad. I think it was pretty ruff for him too. I can't even imagine how empty it will be for him now. I have to remember to call him a lot to check up on him. It feels wrong somehow to leave him though, even though I'm really longing back to London. I'm not as exited to see Louis though, but in some ways I am. I'm very torn on the subject of Louis, probably because I have no idea of anything...at all. I don't even know what I myself want. Or maybe I do, but can't even admit it to myself.

I'm just so frighten of what will happen. He hasn't called or anything since he got back and I didn't really want to make contact since I don't know what the hell this is. Maybe this is over what we had, maybe my twenty seconds of Louis Tomlinson has reached its course. The thought feels sad though, especially since I didn't really get to enjoy him. That body of his isn't only made for cuddling you know.

I sigh as the plane hits land in London. It's been a long flight from Philadelphia and I'm tired and sick of everything right now. I just want to get home to my apartment and cuddle up in my comfortable bed. It's been so long. Isn't it weird how good your bed feels when you've been away? I love mine.

The clock is eight in the evening as I get of the plane and starts to walk to the exit to get my bag. I get excitedly surprised as it's the second bag on the strip and I can quickly get out of the airport. I walk out into the cold damp air and see the familiar car standing there waiting. I smile as I see the dark messy haired guy jump out of the car and come running toward me. I then realize how much I've missed Harry.

“Hiii!” He yells in my ear as he pulls me into a big hug and lifts me up so my feet are a foot over the ground. I shriek and starts to laugh, I wasn't prepared for this welcoming.

“Harry!” I say and he puts me down.

“I've missed you.” He says with a huge dimpled smile.

“I've missed you too.” I smile back at him and see in the corner of my eyes some photographers. “We should probably go.” I say and nod towards them. He quickly grabs my bag and walks over to the trunk to put it in as I get into the passenger seat. We are soon driving out of the airport and onto the freeway.

“How was the flight?” He ask while whizzing past the other cars. I've learn though not to comment on his driving, it's a very sensitive subject and I know that he is a good driver, so I let it be even though I think it's going a little fast.

“It was long. I can't believe how long it really is.” I say and shake my head. “But it was fine I guess.”

“Yeah, it's a long way over that little ocean.” Harry say and chuckles. He continues driving and doesn't say anything for a little while. Then I see him squirming a little in his seat. I frown, but doesn't ask. “Are you mad a me?” He ask after a little while, seeming to have built up the courage to ask.

“What? Why would I be mad at you?” I ask in shock. I can't even make up a reason why I should be angry right now.

“Because of what happened when you left.” He say and I look over at him, he looks so sad the poor thing, he can't even look at me.

“That's over and forgotten about.” I say, matter of factually. I have actually decided to just forget about the whole thing. I can't expect people to do everything for me, that's not healthy and Harry does so many other good things for me, like being here now.

“That doesn't seem fair.” He say and frown.

“Well, that's how it is and I'm the decider here.” I say and look sternly at him when his eyes look over at me. He can't keep the smile from cheeping up on his face when he sees my stern stare. I'm not often this serious and I don't think he thinks that I can be serious. His smile turns into a chuckle and I gape at him. “Don't laugh at me idiot.” I say, but can't keep the smile from my lips either. I see him trying to hold the laughter in and his lips get white from his teeth biting down on them, trying not to smile. I hit his arm lightly. “You're such a moron.” I say and he can't keep the chuckles inside anymore. I start to snicker along with him and the mood in the car get light and nice. I've really missed him, he's so good at making me feel better.

“So, will you do me a favor?” Harry ask after a couple of minutes quiet.

“Already asking for favors...” I mumble, but smile. “What is it?” I turn to him and raise my eyebrows.

“I know you're tired and probably just want to go home...” He say with hope in his voice and I narrow my eyes at him. “But please, please come with me to Carl's party tonight?” He begs, looking over at me with those puppy dog eyes.

“Carl's having another party? On a wednesday?” I ask and frown. I really wanted to just get home and sleep for a day or two. I'm not starting work until saturday.

“Yeah, it's a we don't care that it's the middle of the week-party.” Harry chuckles. “Please!” I turn my head towards the road and think it through. It's probably a really good chase that Louis will be there. Hell, I know that he will be there. These guys don't miss Carl's parties. That makes me want to stay home as much as I want to go. I don't know how he will act when I see him, especially when I'm with Harry. But maybe a party is a good place to see him, it's not so intimate and weird if things doesn't turn out...what? Good? What is good? Do I really want to have a relationship with Louis? Is he going to be that wonderful person that I've come to like during the last week? I don't know. I feel so confused. It doesn't even seem real what happened back in Philadelphia, it's like a dream. It is probably good to get it over with tough, so I know if it was just a one time thing.

“Okey, I'll go, but only if I can get home and change first.” I say and Harry cheers.



An hour later I'm ready and nervous as hell. I've decided not to dress up too much, I'm going in my jeans and a nice top. I feel exhausted though and my bed look really tempting. I wish that I could crawl under the cover and pull it up to my ears, but I can't do that to Harry. Besides I really want to spend some time with him, it's been so long now.

“Okey, I'm ready.” I sigh as I walk out into the living room where Harry is waiting on the couch. He beams at me as I get there.

“Great! Lets go.” He say and pull me towards the front door.

I can feel the butterflies in my stomach as he stops the car outside of Carl's mansion, or they are more like bats or big birds. I'm almost shaking with nervousness and I hate myself for it, I don't want a guy to have this much power over me, it's not okey.

“I'm so happy you came with me, it's been so boring here without you. All the guys have missed you too.” Harry says as he come up beside me and put an arm around my shoulders. I raise an eyebrow at that comment, all the guys? I wonder if Louis has said anything. He probably hasn't otherwise Harry would have said something. I smile kindly at him.

Harry takes his arm away to open the door and I take a deep breath, trying to calm my jumpy nerves down. Here goes nothing! I think to myself before taking that step into the house. The house is full of people, but that's not weird since it's already eleven at night. Most of them is getting pretty intoxicated by now. I look around us as Harry comes in behind me and closes the door. I feel my eyes searching for one thing only and they soon finds what they are looking for. A pair of blue clear eyes staring back at me. The corner of my lips try to turn into a smile, but I'm so nervous that it probably comes out as a grimace. I see his eyes flicker over at Harry beside me, who hasn't noticed him yet.

“Can I take your jacket?” Harry asks and he helps me with it off before putting it in the closet beside the door. When he's done and I look up I feel my heart skip a beat as I see Louis walk towards us. What's going to happen now? I feel my knees getting weak.

“So finally you get your wanna-be girlfriend back Haz!” He says as he walks past us with a chuckling guy behind him. I feel my heart stop for a few seconds and my eyes starts to water. His eyes lock with mine for a second and all I see is nothing. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I look away and blink the tears away, I will not let him see how much he affects me, no way. Fuck him!

“Ignore him, he's an idiot.” Harry say as he touches my arm, probably seeing the red color on my cheeks.

“He is.” I say and take a deep breath. I feel hurt, but don't really want to deal with it. “Hey, let's get drunk?” I suggest, not caring anymore. I need some release. Harry smiles big and cheers.

“Finally I've corrupted you!” He says proud and I laugh. He pulls me with him into the kitchen and walk over to the counter to fill a glass with some clear liquid and handing it to me. I look at it with narrowed eyes before sniffing it, it smells like acetone. I shake my head lightly, this is insane. Just do it Juli! I encourage myself.

“Hey, how are we getting home if we're both drunk?” I ask after gulping the liquid down.

“We'll get a cab.” Harry says as he fills the glass up again. I make a disgusted face as the second drink burns my throat. Harry laughs at my face, he doesn't even seem to react to the awful drink at all. “Here.” He says and give me a bottle of beer to rinse the taste out of my mouth, it makes it much better. I smile cheekily up at him, feeling the warming sensation in my body from the alcohol. “Come on, lets do a lap around the house before we take some more.” He say and pull me out of the kitchen. I follow along, starting to feel lightheaded. I should probably have eaten something before I started drinking, I haven't eaten since that nasty sandwich that they served on the first plane from Philadelphia. After that I wasn't really interested in eating anything else.

We stop outside to talk to Niall and some other people I haven't met before. Niall give me a hug and pay his regrets for my aunt which I thank him for, but don't want to think about at the moment. After a couple of minutes Harry declares that he needs to use the bathroom and I decide to go inside to find something to drink. I run into Liam on the living room and he gives me a big hug.

“Hey love! We've missed you over here.” He say and give me a sweet smile.

“I've missed you guys too.” I say and look around me, making sure that Louis isn't close.

“What are you looking for?” Liam ask and I swallow hard.

“Something to drink. I'm not drunk enough!” I say and snicker, trying to cover my bad lie. Liam puts his arm around my shoulder.

“Then lets go get wasted!” He shouts and we march into the kitchen. “What are we drinking?” He ask looking questioning at me. I shrug.

“Shots!” I say and he laughs.

“Alright. Let see here.” He starts rummaging through the liquid bottles and comes up with a clear bottle and takes a couple of glasses before we head over to the table. He sets four glasses before us and fill them up to the edge. “On three?” He say with an raised eyebrow and I nod smiling.

“One.” I say and pick one of the glasses up, Liam do the same.

“Two.” He says and we look into each other eyes.

“Three.” We say at the same time and chunk the first one down and follow with the other. This one taste better then the one Harry gave me, but it still burns my throat. I do a little cheer as Liam fills the glasses up again. I do wonder what this will lead to, I haven't been that drunk before and this will probably do the trick. Hopefully I wont embarrass myself, but what do I care? Not that much at the moment since the alcohol is starting to lighten my load.

“Hey, what are you two doing?” Zayn says as he sits down beside Liam. I smile happily at him and he returns my smile.

“Shots! Get some glasses.” Liam say and I see a couple of more people joining in with glasses. Soon the table is filled with glasses of strong liquid and Harry has joined us.

“One!” I shout and the other seven or eight people, my sight is getting blurred so I can't count anymore, join in with me.

“Two! Three!” We all say and chunk our shots down and laugh. Everyone is getting pretty wasted. This stuff is pretty strong.

“Let's dance.” Liam exclaim and I cheer loud in agreement, both Harry and Zayn joining us into the living room where the dance floor is based. I feel light and free, moving my body happily to the music.

---

I wake up slowly, not opening my eyes because of the bright light shining through my window, I can see it enough from behind my eyelids. My head is thumping hard, making me want to groan, but I know that will only make the pain worse, so I don't. My whole body hurts. What the hell did I do last night? I feel like I might have wrestled with a bull or something. I try to remember what we did last night but the last thing I remember is dancing with Liam and Niall. It was after a few more rounds of shots and then I don't remember anything else. Holy crap. Black out, I've never had that before.

I know that I'm home at least, I recognize the bedsheets and my pillow. Though I have no idea of how I came home, that's kind of scary. Anything could have happened last night. I move my hands slowly, trying to loosen my body up a little, it feels stiff. I make small circles with my wrists. Starting with them since it hurts enough of my body. How can everything hurt? Every little inch.

I freeze when I feel something move in the bed and my eyes shoot open. I'm not alone in my bed. Holy shit! I take a shaky breath before slowly looking over to the person beside me, not seeing anything besides a body underneath the sheets. Who the hell is this? I try to ransack my brain to find any clue on who this could be. How can I not remember who I went home with? I pull the sheet up to see that I'm naked. And slept with. What the fuck!

I move against my body's will and get out of bed, pulling my bathrobe that lays on the chair beside the bed around my body. I need to know who this is. Who did I sleep with last night? I move slowly over to the other side of the bed, taking small, quick breaths as I reach for the sheet and pull it away from the face of the person in my bed. My eyes get wide and my mouth drops.

HOLY SHIT!

Notes

Oh god guys!
Time flies by so fast. I promised some of you to update yesterday, but I couldn’t end the story in time, I’m sorry for that. But I gave you a pretty long chapter instead, hope that made it better.

And you know by now how much I love cliff hangers! ;)

This time I won’t update until the votes get up to 92 (hehe!), so push those stars guys! :)

Who do you think it is? ;)

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xx.