Reviews with the Reader

I’m going to change my format on which I review stories! Lucky for you babe, I’m trying it out on your story! Okay here goes!! I’m only reviewing two chapters. :)

Title: Million Pound Girlfriend

Author: Harry_twerk on me

Okay first. Title goes perfect with the story! The summary is great! The characters are great as well! The only thing I would say since Harry Styles is the main character, keep him as his. But since the rest of One Direction is saying the same summary, have them as one character. Ya know? So there’s 4 less character spots. It makes it easier for the readers to keep track of the characters. But that’s the only thing I would change. Now for detail time!!

Summary. There’s only one mistake in the summary. You forgot an apostrophe in the word cant. But don’t beat yourself up over that. It happens to EVERYONE! Even the best authors! But that’s it in the summary. Great job love!

Characters. Well I already told you what you could do if you wanted to fix it. But again, don’t beat yourself up.

Chapters!!! First prologue! I LOVED the prologue! It’s simply gorgeous!!! I saw a couple mistakes where you put an apostrophe where one isn’t needed, where you didn’t put an apostrophe where one was needed, and where you put an apostrophe in the wrong spot in the word. Other than that, it’s ABSOLUTELY PURR—FECT!!!

Next chapter, again, just a couple of mistakes. Just missing, or lacking an apostrophe! That’s all I see. But, also, when writing dialogue make sure you space it. I’ll give you an example.

YOURS.

"How was work?" I asked mum as she sat down next to me on some cold dreary street.
"Work?" she asked. Mum didn't really have a job. Forget the really. She had no job. She begged. She would go around asking for money saying her child needed it for food and water saying that we needed it for warmth for happiness. But I wouldn't believe we had no happiness because we did.

HOW IT SHOULD LOOK

"How was work?" I asked mum as she sat down next to me on some cold dreary street.

"Work?" she asked. Mum didn't really have a job. Forget the really. She had no job. She begged. She would go around asking for money saying her child needed it for food and water saying that we needed it for warmth for happiness. But I wouldn't believe we had no happiness because we did.

Overall summary! I really like your story! I’ve actually previously read this story! Just a couple mistakes but nothing so like huge! Great job beautiful!!

Notes

Paige here! Heres your update princess! Hope its awesome! Thanks!