Reviews with the Reader

Well, sorry for the insane wait. I have been putting off updating, but I will announce the new ideas either today or tomorrow since that's when my summer break starts. Anyways on to the review...

First off I want to say that this fan fiction is amazing. It's truly a work of art. There were very few mistakes, and your chapters are long making that even more impressive.

So for the first thing that I found, you like to put "flashback" on front of all of your flashbacks. Usually when you say something along the lines of, "Then I thought back to the time." Or, "Then all of the memories came flooding back in to my mind like a raging river." The reader knows they are thinking back to a time that's important. You can totally put it, but I can some times it can interrupt your writing.

Lastely, your story line is almost depressing. Yes I know it's supposed be that way, but you may want to put in some type of comic relief. Sometimes comic relief can be difficult, and you have to time it right; you can't put it in the middle of a serious scene. Usually putting some sort of comic relief at the end of a depressing chapter can lift a mood. With the way you wright, I think that you will do pretty well with it.

Overall you have done a really good job with this fan fiction, and I can't wait until you come out with another chapter. I really would really like to see more! I also love the original ideas with the basic plots, because it makes it personalized and wonderful.

Overall rating: 8.5

Notes

If you are unhappy with your review or find some thing that you don't like, message me and I will either fix it or take it down ASAP.

Thanks,
~Maggie (This_Crazy_Girl)